Bishopric Youth Interviews

I have to admit I would not be comfortable as a mature man asking little girls about pornography. I think if I was a bishopric member, I would practically insist to have a parent/guardian present.

However, I do appreciate children are being corrupted by it at a very young age. It greatly sorrows me that I first encountered a magazine at age seven or so, which I think is far too young. I have it on good authority from my former non-LDS therapist that pornography is causing massive problems is causing big problems among adolescents – body image problems for one.

I did not mind the pornography deviation too much. I am not fully sure why it doesn’t bother me. Partly because it was just a quick question and he accepted my daughters response. It did not take on the feel of “digging” or a fishing expedition as I have heard has happened to others.

Thanks for sharing what you did to prepare your son for the interview. I had not thought about going over the questions in private first, but should DD decide to go the TR route, I will be sure to do so.

You are welcome. I find that the biggest opportunity for the questioner to go off script is when the interviewee does not fully understand the question and the questioner must then explain how they understand the question using different words. I wanted to minimize the opportunities for this to happen. I was proud of how DS answered when the questioner asked him if he knew what the law of chastity was. I also cringed a little internally when the questioner felt the need to expand upon DS’s definitions. For example, the questioner told DS that the law of chastity also include other appropriate conduct while dating. This, to me, becomes overly broad. In response to DS’s answer about the word of wisdom prohibiting coffee, the questioner went on to expound on how the word of wisdom also includes positive invitations for healthy eating and exercise. I felt that this was confusing for DS. The question is phrased if you “obey” the WoW. If we think of the WoW to mean healthy living then what does it mean to “obey” healthy living?

My goal in preparing DS was to help him answer the questions in a yes/no format without any additional commentary being required.

Also, you had mentioned about your DD possibly not deciding to go the TR route. You may want to be prepared for your bishopric initiating a yearly youth interview that then also becomes a limited use TR interview. I believe that in most wards they do this as a Standard Operating Procedure. I am sure that you can decline the interview, yet that may also have reverberations and social consequences. Good luck!

I think it sounds as thought your kids’ interviews went about as well as they can. The preparation part you did was key to the success IMO. I don’t have minor children at home now (our baby is a returned missionary at BYU) and they were youth before the current option to have a parent/adult present. Nevertheless, we did review with them what should be asked in a TR interview beforehand, and before they went for their endowments we told them all we could about the endowment (and initiatory) itself. The only thing we “covenanted” not to disclose were the signs and tokens and the new name. Looking at what’s available on the church website, almost everything other than those is covered there.

That said, I think the “loophole” local leaders use in the youth TR interviews is combining the periodic or annual interviews with the TR interview. There are fewer limits on what can be asked in the “regular” interview. There used to a similar loophole in the mission interview until those questions were standardized as well, which in our case didn’t happen until the the last one. In fairness I will say that our local leaders did not ask anything out of bounds or out of the ordinary for my boys, but one of them (stupidly and against my advice) began the interview process at BYU where he was asked all sorts of questions not on the current list.

Another year begins with another round of Bishop Youth Interviews.

Once again I went over the questions with my kids beforehand and individually. This is perhaps my favorite part of the whole process because it is such a great opportunity for discussion. Both of my kids asked if supporting SSM was supporting teachings against the church. I explained that it might appear so at a glance. However, in practice you can attend Gay pride parades and still hold a TR so this does not seem to be the heart of what this question is asking. I explained my understanding that several of the questions seem to be designed to weed out polygamists and this might be one of them.

We also had a good discussion about the Law of Chastity and that it is that sexual relations are only permitted between a man and a woman that are married. DD asked about SSM and I responded that it seems that the church does not recognize SSM for the purposes of keeping the law of chastity. We also discussed that sometimes individuals try to make the case that only vaginal intercourse counts as sex for the purpose of the LOC. I explained that this can result in some really crazy distortions. I understand that anything with the word sex in it definitely counts as sexual relations. DD asked about masturbation. I told her that masturbation is not sex and is therefore not included in the Law of Chastity. I also told her that our bishop may disagree and that is a good part of the reason why we are having this discussion beforehand. It is for us as parents to teach these things to our children. I do not want the bishop teaching what his interpretation might be.

The interviews themselves went well. I gave each of my children the choice to have me present or not. DS choose to go in alone. This was a concern for DW as she has heard horror stories of interviews gone wrong. I feel that it is important for us to honor the choice of DS and allow him some independence. DD chose for me to accompany.

With DD, Bishop stressed that it is good and proper to ask questions when you do not understand something. After the question about having a testimony of the Atonement Bishop asked DD “What does the Atonement mean to you personally?” This was some odd phrasing. DD responded well. Later after the question about the restoration, Bishop felt compelled to elaborate that the restoration was talking about Joseph Smith and the foundation of the church. I think Bishop was checking to make sure that DD understood what the words meant. After the question on the Law of Chastity, Bishop asked DD what she would do if an inappropriate pop-up come on the screen while she was on the internet. She responded that she would close the screen and then go tell someone and Bishop said that this was exactly right.

Once again, bishop felt the need to deviate from the questions as printed both to verify understanding of the words and also to probe about pornography exposure. I do feel that my bishop is trying to perform his calling to the best of his ability. He is a good man. I do not love a system where my children have this yearly interview with the Bishop regardless of their interest on having a temple recommend or going on youth temple trips.

…Once again, bishop felt the need to deviate from the questions as printed both to verify understanding of the words and also to probe about pornography exposure. I do feel that my bishop is trying to perform his calling to the best of his ability. He is a good man. I do not love a system where my children have this yearly interview with the Bishop regardless of their interest on having a temple recommend or going on youth temple trips.

A number of Bishops consider themselves

the Father of the Ward

. Whatever that means. I personally would have a

hard time when the Bishop “deviates”. I guess I’m really old because I don’t remember my children having Bishop Interviews.

Roy, you’re a good example for preparing your children for the interviews.

…Once again, bishop felt the need to deviate from the questions as printed both to verify understanding of the words and also to probe about pornography exposure. I do feel that my bishop is trying to perform his calling to the best of his ability. He is a good man. I do not love a system where my children have this yearly interview with the Bishop regardless of their interest on having a temple recommend or going on youth temple trips.

A number of Bishops consider themselves

the Father of the Ward

. Whatever that means. I personally would have a

hard time when the Bishop “deviates”. I guess I’m really old because I don’t remember my children having Bishop Interviews.

Roy, you’re a good example for preparing your children for the interviews.

I agree with MM. In addition to being the “father of the ward” (which I think is a bit of an archaic term but nonetheless pops up) I think some bishops take their “responsibility” as “common judge in Israel” to the nth degree.

I’m glad you followed up with what DS said because I was wondering if the bishop might have dome some similar “follow up” questions as he did with your daughter except that without you present he could have taken more free rein.

A couple things come up there and I might have taken issue with asking the kid about parent/adult’s status. I have had my own experience with leaders trying to reach (and guilt) parents (me) through the children.

I don’t attend church either, and yes they do have masks and hand sanitizer there. They also have unmasked people there and our ward currently has a serious COVID outbreak. At work I have very strict COVID protocols and we also have an outbreak there – masks and hand sanitizer don’t cut it.

Another part that I did not mention before is that DD is a part tithe payer and has declared as such at the last 2 years tithing settlements and her recent Bishop Youth Interview. Bishop commits her to become a full tithe payer and then moves on. He has also given her the limited use recommend. I do not think DD cares if she has a TR. It has been the church that is pushing for her to have the annual interview and the TR. However, not caring if she has one and being told that she cannot have one because she is somehow not worthy enough are two very different things. I imagine the later could very well be traumatic and I am therefore thankful that Bishop is not withholding a TR recommend over the partial payment of tithing.

However, I am starting to wonder though how long this can go on like this. This is the third time that DD has committed to start paying a full tithe and this is the third time that she has not done so.

After reading some discussion on another thread I wonder if there may be a solution. If DD were to pay a full tithing on her allowance but not on her earnings from outside the home she could claim that as a full tithe. This would honestly be an increase in the amount that DD currently donates to the church and might just be a compromise that allows her to answer the question in the “correct way.”

I know that the church wants her to pay 10% gross of everything but I really do not see DD doing that voluntarily. I’m just thinking of how to move forward and break the stand-off.