Mackintosh Story (Adult son came out as gay)

I like the stories on the church’s “same sex attraction” page (it’s not called “Mormon and Gay” anymore, because we can’t use Mormon) and this one is no exception.

I also agree with the quote* and believe the real problem is not gay marriage but rather judgementalism. I get that for some parents, siblings, or concerned others, being gay, or at least acting on being gay, means no Celestial Kingdom, perhaps “eternal damnation,” etc. Very honestly I think people who believe that way are in denial of the most basic part of our Christian faith – the atonement of Jesus Christ. I have seen families in my own ward react differently (I was going to say both ways, but there are more than 2 ways) to their children coming out. One disowned the poor kid and completely cut him off akin to an Amish or JW shunning (and I still ask myself when I think about it – is that what Jesus would do?). I have also seen a family completely and totally continue to embrace and love their family member as if nothing was different. From my point of view, the issue is much more the judgementalism that takes place and that’s why those who are LGBTQ+ don’t want to be part of the church.

*I can’t find a reference to that quote by Becky Mackintosh or anyone else. That doesn’t mean it’s not out there, I just can’t find it. And as I said, that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with it.

A friend of mine posted a quote on Facebook from an LDS member:

“The attack on the family isn’t same sex marriage but it is family contention and excluding family members over it – The adversary delights in family division and families alienating of a child for any reason and pushing family members outside the family circle” Becky Mackintosh

The Facebook post also had 3 additional quotes from church leaders.

The first two seem to be taken slightly out of context.

“Abandoning prejudice must go well beyond what we say at the pulpit. We also need to abandon hurtful and insensitive comments in our conversations, in our private messages to one another and on social media, and most importantly in our own hearts.” President Russell M. Nelson

This was taken from President Nelson’s remarks with the NAACP

“We just cannot be or even call ourselves a disciple of Christ, if we are not helping others along the path, the gospel of Jesus Christ does not marginalize people – people marginalize people, and we have to fix that.” Sister Carol F. McConkie

This was taken from a talk that did not specifically address LGBTQ+ individuals

I do not believe that the church wishes harm to any individual. I assume that President Nelson would not want church members to say “hurtful or insensitive comments” towards LGBTQ+ individuals. I assume that Sister McConkie would not want LGBTQ+ individuals to be marginalized (although, I do wonder how she might explain how the “gospel of Jesus Christ does not marginalize [LGBTQ+] people”).

I just feel that both of these individuals would have worded their messages differently if they had been talking about LGBTQ+ individuals specifically. Also if the message that we are supposed to be sent is that one cannot simultaneously be a disciple of Christ and also marginalize gay people then I do not quite feel that message is being received. Scott Mackintosh, himself a devout LDS man, described his feelings towards the LGBTQ+ community when his son came out to him, “In my mind, I figured gay people had chosen it. And if they’d chosen it, then they deserved whatever negativity I could give them.” I just cannot imagine that Brother Mackintosh has been receiving a message at church that he cannot marginalize people and be a disciple of Christ.

This last quote is in a different category

“Do I love and support my church? or “Do I love and support my child who has a same-sex partner” “We can do both.” Elder Dale Renlund

This quote reportedly came from a Q&A session after a stake/area conference that Elder Renlund had attended. I do believe that Elder Renlund said it and I also believe that he meant it. I do think that he felt a little additional freedom to speak his personal opinion to some extent to this relatively small gathering and that he might not say the same thing or might not phrase it in the same way if he was speaking to the entire church.

Overall, I am torn. I feel that the meme paints a changing landscape for LDS LGBTQ+ individuals that I believe is more rosy and positive than can be warranted at present.

On the other hand, I am really hopeful that memes like this will actually move the needle and change hearts and minds. I am hopeful that people that had closed their hearts to the LGBTQ+ community primarily because they felt that their loyalty to the LDS church demanded it can, after reading memes like this, perhaps revise their position.

One strategy that I have seen used in LDS circles is to make it seem like church leaders for generations have taught a principle that is currently more favored (like anti-racisms or female empowerment). By selectively quoting past church leaders we can make them seem positively prescient and ahead of their time. I see this meme as being similar. Some percentage will read the meme and feel that the church has changed towards LGBTQ+ individuals. Some will allow themselves to soften as well. Some may even feel that their discipleship of JC depends upon it (as the quote from Sister McConkie seems to indicate). To the degree that this happens and the general membership of the church becomes more and more accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals (and that some of the current leadership die off), I do expect actual policy changes to happen in the church. It is a slow process but it is happening…