- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I have a lot of journals I’ve accumulated over the years — about 6 from when I was a young adult investigating the church and another two from my mission, and then some intermittent writings during my adult years, particularly when my kids were teenagers. As I survey these journals, I often wonder — what is the point? There is a lot in those journals I wouldn’t want ANYONE to read. There is stuff in the young adult journals that I would rather destroy. It was full of worry talk and things that aren’t edifying to anyone. The only value seems to be in giving a snapshot of the worried, confused person I was at that time.
The mission journals are filled with spiritual experiences….
The later journals are filled with things that happened to me at work, and in the church, as well as a few on my commitment crisis. Do I want that left for others to read? I don’t think so.
Do you keep a journal? What do you plan to do with your journals when you are close to death (assuming you have reaction time)? If you keep a journal, what purpose does your journal serve?I only kept a journal during the mission years because it was something expected of us. Entries are sporadic because the desire to keep a journal wasn’t self motivated. Haven’t read it. Suspect that if I did I’d want to trash the thing. Mostly because it’s a window into a soul that no longer exists. A window into the ultra-orthodox mindset of yore wouldn’t bother me near as much as the window into the juvenile. Though I suppose being able to look back on yourself and feel a little embarrassed is small evidence of what we call progress.
I kept a daily journal without fail until I was 28, then I wrote every few days. Now I write a few times a year. Honestly, I can’t imagine anybody would ever want to read these. Only one of my kids has even read the mission memoir I wrote and published. I think writing a much shorter personal history to pass on is valuable, but passing on journals, not so much. It’s about on par with saving your toenail clippings in a shoebox under your bed. You’ve convinced me no one is really that interested in my journals. If they are less interesting than my discarded toenails. I started doing EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing) a while ago — self-administered. I used my journal as a place to record the reprocessed memories that caused me angst and it worked beautifully. I am of the mind that any private journal is really for your own edification. I do enjoy reading my journals years after they pass — you get the chance to look at yourself with fresh eyes. Sometimes I’m impressed, sometimes I’m embarrassed, and sometimes I’m just bleh with what I wrote.
I also think journal-writing is beneficial the same way writing essays is beneficial in college. Writing essays makes you engage deeply with the course material if the question and your research are good. You come up with ideas as you are writing, connect concepts and come away smarter — in writing you are forced to think. I think journal writing creates the same effect except the question is something in your life and the research is your own thoughts on the matter.
Journals are a wonderful way to compile a person history at some point for posterity – which is something I value from my own parents. I used to journal – first, the details, then just thoughts and beliefs. Then I blogged – beliefs. Now I write here and on social media. My children and posterity, at the very least, will have a record of my core beliefs – and that is important to me.
To be honest, I used to write almost every night in a journal. Not that often now, though. At times, it’s also helped me deal with issues with the church. I guess writing out my feelings has sometimes helped. That’s one of the challenges of journals. I’d have to go back and read them, but I can almost guarantee that my mission journals no longer reflect my core beliefs. If someone read them they wouldn’t have an accurate picture of me (which could be said even if I felt a journal did reflect the real me). If I were diligent in keeping journals over a lifetime a reader could maybe see an evolution of core beliefs but if I’m not diligent in keeping a journal my whole life or if later journals get lost the more refined me gets lost in the more dated me.
Then I start second guessing myself, why am I so worried about what other people will think of me?
If the journal is more for me than others… I’ve failed at that one as well by never going back to read what I’ve wrote.
nibbler wrote:
That’s one of the challenges of journals. I’d have to go back and read them, but I can almost guarantee that my mission journals no longer reflect my core beliefs. If someone read them they wouldn’t have an accurate picture of me (which could be said even if I felt a journal did reflect the real me).If I were diligent in keeping journals over a lifetime a reader could maybe see an evolution of core beliefs but if I’m not diligent in keeping a journal my whole life or if later journals get lost the more refined me gets lost in the more dated me.
Then I start second guessing myself, why am I so worried about what other people will think of me?
If the journal is more for me than others… I’ve failed at that one as well by never going back to read what I’ve wrote.
I can relate to that, nibbler, especially regarding my mission journal. I’ve skimmed through it in the past and have been shocked how much my faith in the core beliefs of the church has changed so much.
Fwiw, I see the first two books of Nephi as essentially a journal – and 2nd Nephi 4 is a great example of having both sides of the story. It adds a lot of insight into Nephi’s character, especially from a psychological perspective. He comes across as an arrogant, condescending, difficult person in much of the rest of the record – but that chapter adds a look into his self-doubt and even loathing that fleshes out a complex character and adds perspective to the family dysfunctionality. Having the “highs” AND “lows” makes it a much more complete portrayal, which is true of all journals.
My several attempts at keeping a journal all ended with me throwing it away or destroying it because what I wrote was too cringeworthy. A bit of “I can’t believe how I used to think” and “it sounded way better in my head”. I guess it has been helpful at times to work through my own thoughts, but then I also never want anyone else to read them. As for family history, I like to say that not keeping a journal
makes the stories get better over time since there are more opportunities for embellishment as it gets passed down
I suppose it also leave room for some revisionism on my part and I can reframe events and remember them the way I want to.
I love keeping journals (turning 26 this year and nearly finished my 38th journal) but I don’t think it’s for everyone, and we’ve maybe overemphasized doing it for posterity. My journals are occasionally useful when I need to know when something specific happened in the past, but mainly I find them useful in the present. Writing is part of my nightly routine. Sometimes it’s like a form of meditation, sometimes a listening ear in my darkest moments, sometimes a friend I can share anything with from the most mundane to the most incredible. But I get rarely write for the benefit of some future reader, whether it be an older me, a relative, or some historian two hundred years from now.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.