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Okay, I had emailed my bishop, asking him to be released from my calling as a ward missionary, but he was recently released. Unfortunately, I waited too long to contact him. What I mean is I felt inspired to talk about it a few weeks sooner, but I was too scared about doing it. In fact, I was more scared doing this than confessing my sexual sins to my bishops. Yeesh. So I’m not eve going to do that with the new bishop. So my question now…how I can serve in my calling as a ward missionary and still be true to myself? I see multiple options, including the following: 1) Whatever the activity involved, speak and bear testimony of Gospel principles or church aspects that are important to you. Don’t say things you don’t believe. (For example, given my work over the past two years, especially, I can bear fervent testimony of the blessing of being raised with the Word of Wisdom – and an understanding of the core concept of avoiding addiction.)
2) Ask to be able to focus on service and other activities that are positive and community-building.
3) Ask the new Bishop to be released.
I can’t say which option is best for you – or if it is a combination of these and other options. That is your call. My core suggestion simply is to be true to yourself. As I say, if they call you, they get you – not someone else whom they assume you are. If they don’t like who you are for that particular calling, they can release you. No guilt; no fuss; no worry. (That is easier said than done, but it is an important concept to me.)
Thank you, Old-Timer. I appreciate the suggestions. The first suggestion I think is going to work out best. I’m feeling that it’s best for me to listen to the LDS podcasts that are nuanced more often than the ones from Bill Reel and John Dehlin. I’m not trying to bash them. I’ve talked with Bill before when he was a member of his church, so I know he is a really nice man. Too many of his current videos are much more church negative than his earlier more nuanced faithful LDS videos, even though at times I have or have had similar feelings. Radio Free Mormon at least tries to balance it out by a showing more of a giving-the-benifit-of-the-doubt approach. Also John Dehlin at least interviews tons of people, even if, more than often than not, are ex-members of the church. With the COVID going on, it’s been so easy to just hibernate in my apartment too often. Although watching Bill and John’s videos or listening to their podcasts have been helpful in the past, it’s become too overwhelming, so I’m going to change the podcasts I listen to. Even listening to the fundamentalist Mormon podcasts where they believe in the more evangelical gifts that seemed to more present in the early days has become too overwhelming for me too, so I definitely have to be careful what I listen to or watch. Over this last year I have observed some of the effects of siloing or moving into information echo chambers. Over time this does change our priorities and our view of the world around us. I think part of the antidote to this is to be widely read. One should digest media from multiple sources both pro and con. The church is a mixture of good and bad. If we focus exclusively on the good or exclusively on the bad then we create an inaccurate and warped reality for ourselves. For me this (keeping a fair and reasonably balanced perspective on the church) matters because 1) I wish to take advantage of the LDS framework to provide my children with support for entering adulthood with stability. I am the man I am today in large part because of the structure of the church in my young adult years. 2) I will always have lots of relationships with family members that are LDS. Being able to talk with them in ways that recognize the good and positive in the LDS church helps me to maintain positive relationships.
I have a somewhat similar situation being the ward temple and family history leader but I do not hold a TR and am pretty unmotivated to push anybody to go to the temple. OTOH, I do like stories. Maybe learning about my family ancestors through their stories and helping others to learn about their stories would be something that I could be passionate about.
Maybe there is an aspect of your calling that you can put your heart into.
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