A Question to the Administrators & members

We have not ever had any “high level” talks about the status or future of the site. Those of us who are actively moderating more or less randomly check in. I check in most days at least once, often more, and I do skip a day here and there and I don’t usually check in if I’m travelling.

I agree with Nibbler’s overall assessment. I think people were less annoyed during COVID because we weren’t going and sitting in meetings. And there is a general more “openness” regarding people who struggle these days (even though there can still be some judgement as well). Frankly I think some people after not having church for months just recognized how little it really meant for them. On the other hand I think there are also those who really missed it and do feel as though they need it. Of those two groups I’m in the former. I think there are others who fall in between (maybe feel they need the sacrament or the socialization) and those who come out of a sense of duty or fear.

Similar to Nibbler, I was doing Zoom church while my ward was doing it and even went a few weeks after they stopped until I didn’t feel as though they really had my COVID safety in mind. I have not been back, and I’m not sure when I will be. FWIW, my ward did have a church related COVID outbreak during this time when I haven’t been going.

Also similar to Nibbler, I haven’t been one to start new threads very often recently. That’s partly out of apathy because I don’t really have the energy and partly because sometimes I feel like I have overabundantly posted sometimes and I don’t want the board to appear to be dominated by the mods or our (my) opinions. I sometimes don’t respond to posts for the same reason, particularly if I have already responded once.

… until I didn’t feel as though they really had my COVID safety in mind. I have not been back, and I’m not sure when I will be. …

I’m in a similar boat. It’s easier to criticize than to come up with a plan but my stake eliminated online offerings the same day they did away with every single covid safety protocol they had in place.

I’m assuming that the people that were still watching online were doing so because they didn’t feel safe enough to attend in person. Dropping all safety protocols will make the in-person holdouts less likely to return but the also eliminated online offerings at the same time. They’ve given the holdouts a tough choice, return to church before they may feel safe to do so or forego church altogether.

If they’re really itching to eliminate online offerings to incentivize people to come back to church, they should have kept safety protocols in place for a little longer and done things to help the holdouts feel safer in their transition back. Instead they got a lecture on not judging from someone flexing their authority.

… until I didn’t feel as though they really had my COVID safety in mind. I have not been back, and I’m not sure when I will be. …

I’m in a similar boat. It’s easier to criticize than to come up with a plan but my stake eliminated online offerings the same day they did away with every single covid safety protocol they had in place.

I’m assuming that the people that were still watching online were doing so because they didn’t feel safe enough to attend in person. Dropping all safety protocols will make the in-person holdouts less likely to return but the also eliminated online offerings at the same time. They’ve given the holdouts a tough choice, return to church before they may feel safe to do so or forego church altogether.

If they’re really itching to eliminate online offerings to incentivize people to come back to church, they should have kept safety protocols in place for a little longer and done things to help the holdouts feel safer in their transition back. Instead they got a lecture on not judging from someone flexing their authority.

I don’t want to derail too much here, but in my ward they started not broadcasting last fall and announced a return to full meetings, with masks “required.” Except if someone didn’t wear a it was perfectly OK. I made it clear then that I was uncomfortable being a the chapel with people unmasked and singing but I would attend and sit in the foyer with my mask. I did this for a few Sundays until that one Sunday when the guy passing the sacrament in foyer was not wearing a mask. I did make my displeasure/concern known and basically got the response (from the bishop) “Oh, I didn’t notice.” Apparently it was a lot bigger deal to me than him and the message that he “didn’t notice” was also a message he didn’t care. In December/early January there was a COVID outbreak in our ward (I think from the Christmas party) that hospitalized two members and sickened most of the “active” members. Using my own (CDC recommended) precautions, I have remained COVID free these past two years and that is important to me because of my job (where there have also been outbreaks despite following the guidelines). More recently (within the past month) there has been an even bigger push to get butts in the seats. My current issue is that COVID is still a thing here while church has declared masks are not necessary. I won’t go back until I feel safe there. (And no, I do not go to restaurants, theaters, or other places I consider risky either.)

(the political fallout from masking/vaccines, Trump, and any other decision amplified that risk considerably – we don’t want to be with people we perceive as being “on the other side” of that camp whatever that looks like)

It’s easier to deal with people falling short of an ideal, we aren’t perfect, falling short is expected. The last few years has brought a different issue to fore, what do you do when it’s not about failing to live by an ideal and more to do with having a completely different set of ideals? In some cases the competing ideals are at odds.

I think part of it is that we could more or less handwave the “falling short” as not life-ending (except for some of us in specific circumstances who couldn’t) in our mental calculations.

I ran into the “competing ideals” with Activity Days. I was willing to run Zoom activities 1x a month for the girls – and I did what I could to make it fun and engaging and useful. But there was a constant push for “in person activities” and real world got in the way (my mother in law’s funeral among other things) in terms of motivation and scheduling. The final straw was that we got a new branch president who wanted “a priesthood leader” at the activities (which were in the summertime with low COVID rates and I was thinking about running in-person activities because our risk was low) – and I couldn’t sustain that. Beyond that, I got a “I get your point, this is inconvenient but” from the sisters leading the programs I was involved in. I can respect their position because they are in a different place then I am. It is an “inconvenience” for them. But for me, it would lead to fights to get my husband there, fights about attending church (I don’t wanna put in the effort to get the family ready), and fights with my oldest who doesn’t fit in church and as a budding agnostic/creationist deist theorist, doesn’t see the point of being there, uncomfortable Sunday dress and all (it’s all her – I actually had nothing to do with shaping her point of view aside from giving her technical terms and general basic religious theory).

…the very specific meaning of what constituted a “home” was more exclusive then inclusive…

Very astute (and sad) observation.

The longer it’s been since I started the faith transition, the more I see how limiting the definition of the “ideal home” is now – and how the biggest champions don’t realize the actual cost – they just see some of the systemic benefits and try to inspire the sisters (sell them to the women of the church) because the sisters run the church on the day-to-day stuff.

I think for me, there have been a lot of depressing topics related to the church recently, that I haven’t had the heart to write about.

Very true. Muskets, Wilcoxes, adding exclamations and question marks, etc.

Yup. I would add that there has been a ton of COVID-induced systemic ruptures that have impacted families immensely and in some cases caused anxiety and/or grief that meets the criteria for actual trauma – that the church is addressing by saying, “Come back to church” (in some instances) without broadcasting what changes are being made or how the gospel is going to address this trauma [NOTE: I may be missing something specific in General Conference – if so, please let me know the article].

I’m similar to DJ in that posting has to overcome the inertia of apathy. I may try a little harder in the future to at least create a thread with the hotter issues. That hasn’t really been done in a while.

I am usually happy to put in my 2.6 cents (adjusted for inflation).

This is some general questions for the Administrators & followers of this site:

Where do you see this platform going?

As the finance person, I think that the cost of keeping the site alive is something to be considered. The Mormon Stories umbrella has not supported this site financially in years (maybe 5). The last two years we have received a generous donation from one of our members to pay the annual hosting fee ($177.02). Otherwise, I could see us getting to a spot where we just do not have the money to pay the bills.

I am honestly feeling ok with that possibility. I feel that there are seasons in life and it is ok to let go of a previous season (I am also looking forward to a potential future as an “empty nester” so I am experiencing life’s seasons on multiple fronts).

Is there a natural life to sites like this one?

Yes, there is a natural life to almost anything (AKA the product life cycle). Sometimes you can extend that natural life by reinvention. Incidentally, I also think that the churches and governments tend to have such life cycles.

What has covid done to limit the reduced actively?

Do you see it coming back?

Looking back, I think StayLDS peaked at about the same time as the “Mormon Moment.” I think that this was a time when Mormonism was in the news and StayLDS itself was referenced in some publications. This would serve to make people aware that we exist and we would always see a traffic boost. I do think COVID has had an impact but it was probably to accelerate a trend that was already there rather than be the sole cause of reduced activity levels.

Coming back is the tricky part. As I mentioned above, reinvention is possible but it usually takes work and money and we are all just volunteers doing our best to maintain.

I am sorry if I conveyed offense or actually any emotion. I am a little sad about it sometimes, but also relieved sometimes.

My intent was “Others who have been there and got the autographed t-shirt said to expect this. It happened.”

I might have explained myself poorly. My intent in sharing about the inactive sister was to validate that yes, many church relationships do not continue after a person stops participating in church and the interactions that linger tend to be in the form of inviting, coaxing, cajoling the less active member to return to church. Yes, this is to be expected and is normal. A little sad perhaps but every ending is also a new beginning.

I get periodic contacts from my VT and others who may feel remorse and contact/connect with me. Since my conversations are always willing to connect in a boundaried way with these individuals – they get whatever it is they get from contacting me, and I give them the generic family update with an inspirational thought (from what I am thinking about that would be helpful to them) and then we go on our merry ways.

Yes, we get this too. I like what you said about connecting in a boundaried way. It is a good way to describe these conversations.

I find it interesting that when we stopped going to church (due to the pandemic or something else), our problems or issues with the church,

seemed reduced or minimized. That is the case for me. If I went to church, it was rare. I avoided in person social contacts. I rarely talked

to members on the phone. With fewer social contacts, there were fewer conflicts with doctrine, personalities or other issues.

That seemed to carry over to my reduced participation on this site.

I noticed too that in a lot of ways, I’m tired of hearing my own “voice” in my postings. There were times I would start a topic & before

anyone could reply, I would delete it.