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My beloved agnostic grandfather (who was raised Christian with strong Mormon ties) passed away this past weekend. He heard me out and empathized with me about faith transitions and “the dark night of the soul”. I owe my peace to him more then I can find words for (believe me, I have tried). Anyways, I want to put out there 2 personal and 1 general quote from his letters to me about faith and faith transitions. He applauded me finding y’ all and felt more at ease that I wasn’t going through the faith transition relying only on his support.
“You are taking the hardest path possible. You are moving out of [and moving through] a mass movement in which unthinking faith is the essence and deviation is scary. If you are too verbal about it, the movement, any movement for that matter, will cut you off. Isolate you. Disenfranchise you. There are usually a few people doing this, moving out of a mass movement, all the time. They may be pretty careful, pretty quiet about it. But they are there, and you can find them.”
“Ah, Amy, you don’t do anything easily. What you are doing is never easy. You’ll be lucky if you avoid the Dark Night of the Soul, when God dies . And I know partly where you are. I love you a bit more for having the courage to be there.”
“One thing I love is the accounts of the growth of the spirit. Like yours. Like Jesus’s. I think most of us have a number of these accounts available to us, and it makes me love the human spirit that won’t give in to the status quo….But, like Nietzsche, I love the questioner. They are interesting and frighteningly human.”
Thank you for your attention.
Amy
I am sorry for your loss. Your grandfather appears to have been a very wise soul. Thanks for sharing. He sounds like someone that gained a lot of wisdom from his experiences and someone that was a kind ear. I’m sorry for your loss. He seems like he was a good man to talk to and had a valuable perspective to offer. And most importantly, he loved and supported you. I am sorry to hear of his passing. AmyJ wrote:
My beloved agnostic grandfather (who was raised Christian with strong Mormon ties) passed away this past weekend. He heard me out and empathized with me about faith transitions and “the dark night of the soul”. I owe my peace to him more then I can find words for (believe me, I have tried).
Amy I am sorry for your loss. It is a real blessing to have people in our lives like your grandfather.
Wow, having someone like that in your corner is priceless. His passing seems bitter sweet. Sorry that he is gone, but so so thankful that he was there for for you when you needed him most.
What a personal treasure!
He sounds like sometime I would have loved to know. God bless him – and you. ❤️ I lost my grandfather when I was almost 50. He was well into his 90s. He was baptized LDS, but had no interest. He did love his family though. My brother used to call me the Prince, because my brother would tell me grandpa loved me the most. There is no jealousy in that, my brother would say that was the way it went. After my mission my father and I had a moment of not seeing eye to eye one morning. I fully expected to get the Hell kicked out of me. That did not happen, thankfully, and I ended up moving in with Grandpa. I had not been a studious college student, but Grandpa told me to head back to Ricks and get educated. He helped me from Ricks to BYU, through graduate school. He talked me out of law school, his reasoning? “You become an attorney, you will lie everyday of your life.” We had three or four summers together. We farmed, hit the local buffets, watched A’s baseball, we had a blast.
I remember him flying up to visit my family for a week. One Sunday morning he walked out and asked what time church was? So he hopped in the car with us and off we went. I forget what the occasion was, but a hymn was being performed. I had never seen him cry, but there he sat, tears rolling down his cheeks. He made no effort to wipe them away.
I feel your loss. I am sorry for your loss.
I feel your connection to your grandfather Friedrich. What a treasure!
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