StayLDS as an alternative or supplement to journal writing

I’ve only kept a journal sporadically and only on the insistence from people at church that everyone keep one. If not for that counsel I wouldn’t have kept one at all. I think the last time I wrote in one was during my mission and decades later I haven’t gone back and read anything from them. Perhaps it’s time.

I think I’d be embarrassed by what I found, mostly because I’d feel that the person I read in those pages no longer exists.

It can be cathartic to get thoughts, feelings, and ideas written out. Writing is a more deliberate act than speaking, it (sometimes) forces you to think about what you truly feel so you can better express thought.

I think one big difference is that you do not get to keep what is written on StayLDS. It is here and accessible for now but not likely something that you could pull out to read to your grandkids etc.

I’ve tried to take up the practice of journaling on numerous occasions. With the exception of my mission, I’ve never kept up with it for more than a few days.

One benefit did come from my mission journal. My wife read it and has a much greater understanding of the horrible experience it was for me. Of course, I had told her all about it before, but there was stuff in there that had slipped my mind.

StayLDS (or any online forum) being used as journal wouldn’t have been a great place to put down personal thoughts and experiences like that in such detail. Plus, as has been mentioned, online forums are impermanent. So a personal journal has its place. But, I do like StayLDS as a place to put out thoughts and see what thoughts others have.

I think I’d be embarrassed by what I found, mostly because I’d feel that the person I read in those pages no longer exists.

This is exactly why I don’t go back and read my journals. Every time I do, I cringe at my past self.

I can’t do consistent traditional journaling – but I can write here and in a blog and on social media about my life and ideas. I think it all depends on what each person wants to share and/or leave as a legacy.

I think validation is important. You can count on contrapuntal thinking when you come here after being bombarded by traditional LDS thinking. That is what drew me in 10 years ago (yes, it’s been that long). I was having trouble feeling positive about local leaders who didn’t care one hoot about releasing me in my time of need, and when they did, I felt deflated that the previous 3 years of my work as HPGL ended in a shambles. There was compassion and empathy here that I knew I wouldn’t find on other more traditional sites. That was very important to me back then, and still is.

I guess I’d feel pretty alone if it wasn’t for StayLDS. Just knowing its here is a source of comfort during these hard times.

There are times when I wish so much of our lives weren’t tied up in the LDS religion — my marriage is kind of based on it, my kids are in it (at least, one is), and its always hanging out there. I never know if a knock on the door is from a priesthood leader looking to “get someone out”.

The greatest gift this site has given me is “freedom from being ambushed”.

I was able to react from a place of information and values instead of chaotic self-defense and hurt.

Also, there are a ton of “hidden curriculum” social rules I had no idea about before learning about them on this site – and I needed to know about them.

To be fair, it’s a lot like how I learned how to talk on the phone. I have always HATED phones and talking on the phone. I actually traded my mom extra chores for her to make the phone calls in my stead that I needed to make. I finally managed to figure it out in my mid-20’s ( a long time ago), and “came to my own” about 3 years ago.

Here’s what I needed:

– To enter the phone number in my cell phone.

– To write out a script (greeting/purpose/specifics/closing) – complete with all probable scenarios.

– Procrastinate phone call for days.

– Complete phone call.

My mom worked as telephone operator for a few years before marrying my father. To her, this was all rather elaborate and unnecessary. To her, you just made the phone call. We never sat down and made this process, she never acted as a body-double to teach me the art of phone calls. She was (and is) one of my biggest fans – so had we known what I needed to do to gain this skill – had I been able to tell her, had she been able to pinpoint the initial problem – things could have been different.

In terms of a faith transition, this site helped me break down the root problem and provided examples of what “scripts” some important conversations should contain. I also had a place to “report back” on how it went and what I did in a supportive way.