What does it mean to StayLDS – and what’s the point?

As a support group, I think StayLDs means to not make rash or permanent decisions in your time of crisis.

I relate much of my faith crisis to my time mourning the still birth of our daughter Emory. It is generally advised after the death of a child to not rush into life altering decisions like changing jobs, moving, divorce etc. The idea is that you are feeling emotional during the crisis and might be making permanent decisions to try to deal with very strong but also temporary emotions.

Finding out that the LDS church is not quite like you had once been taught and believed with all of your heart is like a death and those that go through this process are in a period of mourning. We say often to not throw the baby out with the bathwater. This means to not throw out the good while you are deconstructing and learning what is going to be useful to you moving forward. Part of the good and useful that you may want to preserve is the relationships that you have with others. These relationships include church and community members but I think that family relationships (both immediate and extended family) are more important still. I do not think that an individual should just go through the motions of the LDS pathway in order to avoid making waves. However, if that person can slow down they can find ways to navigate with integrity and also be respectful of others that are important to them. That often means to have humility for what we do not yet know and keeping the door open to new learning in the future.

For me, that is the point.

I do not think it means to StayLDS as an active member in good standing perpetually. I believe that there are many people who no longer participate in the LDS church but that have been nonetheless successful in the mission of StayLDS.

As a support group, I think StayLDs means to not make rash or permanent decisions in your time of crisis.

I relate much of my faith crisis to my time mourning the still birth of our daughter Emory. It is generally advised after the death of a child to not rush into life altering decisions like changing jobs, moving, divorce etc. The idea is that you are feeling emotional during the crisis and might be making permanent decisions to try to deal with very strong but also temporary emotions.

Finding out that the LDS church is not quite like you had once been taught and believed with all of your heart is like a death and those that go through this process are in a period of mourning. We say often to not throw the baby out with the bathwater. This means to not throw out the good while you are deconstructing and learning what is going to be useful to you moving forward. Part of the good and useful that you may want to preserve is the relationships that you have with others. These relationships include church and community members but I think that family relationships (both immediate and extended family) are more important still. I do not think that an individual should just go through the motions of the LDS pathway in order to avoid making waves. However, if that person can slow down they can find ways to navigate with integrity and also be respectful of others that are important to them. That often means to have humility for what we do not yet know and keeping the door open to new learning in the future.

For me, that is the point.

I do not think it means to StayLDS as an active member in good standing perpetually. I believe that there are many people who no longer participate in the LDS church but that have been nonetheless successful in the mission of StayLDS.

I think I would consider my crisis period to be over at this point. I feel like I’ve landed outside the church, but have managed to make it a relatively soft landing. My relationship with my family is still pretty much intact and I was able to fade out my church activity without too much drama or conflict. My main problem for several years was navigating being a student at BYU during my faith crisis and I successfully managed to make things work long enough to graduate and get my degree.

At this point in my life, I just feel like there is no longer much for the church to offer me. That may change in the future, but for now I don’t see much value in continuing to participate actively in the church.

I think I would consider my crisis period to be over at this point. I feel like I’ve landed outside the church, but have managed to make it a relatively soft landing. My relationship with my family is still pretty much intact and I was able to fade out my church activity without too much drama or conflict. My main problem for several years was navigating being a student at BYU during my faith crisis and I successfully managed to make things work long enough to graduate and get my degree.

It sounds like you have been quite successful in the goals of StayLDS. You are past the crisis point and you have reached a sustainable equilibrium without burning bridges or sacrificing relationships. That’s wonderful!

I agree with Roy. This may sound like somewhat of a copout but I think what it means to StayLDS is different for everyone, but in the end it’s maintaining the relationship with the church that we each individually want – and sometimes that relationship means no relationship.

Finding out that the LDS church is not quite like you had once been taught and believed with all of your heart is like a death and those that go through this process are in a period of mourning.

So true!

Living in an area with a small church community may also magnify the complications. Where I live, it has become impossible to be a member without being in a responsible calling with all the associated requirements to lead, teach, and testify about an ever-decreasing selection of safe topics (e.g., love, charity, the Atonement).

There is no place to hide. In one of our units, the branch president is on loan from another ward. Another ward has no bishop (he moved away). There is no one to call in his place, so the stake presidency is waiting for their request to change it to a branch so they can call pretty much anyone as branch president (even one of the full-time missionaries).

In my area, people who feel they need time to recover find themselves actively having to separate themselves, else they become the next project for the bishop to call to repentance, or they are strong-armed into a calling that only makes matters worse.

It’s a tricky situation.