- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I just wanted to mention Sara Brewer. I listen to her podcast weekly and it has helped me quite a bit. She also has a masterclass you can sign up for. I haven’t tried it, but I have heard it’s very good. However her podcasts are great too. Anyways, as someone who has struggled with Pornography since I was an early teen it’s refreshing to come across someone like Sara who is LDS and has a very progressive approach to it. And I sure wish more chhurch leaders would take notice and recalibrate how we talk about sexuality within the church.
kotm wrote:
it’s refreshing to come across someone like Sara who is LDS and has a very progressive approach to it.
What is her approach?
This is one approach that I love.
https://observer.com/2015/06/the-naked-people-in-your-ipod/ Quote:Just like your appetite reacts to the smell of cooking bacon, evolution wired clever primates, like you and me, to react to sexual stories, pictures, and videos. It’s that simple. That’s pretty much the only reason porn is even a thing.
But for a lot of people, porn isn’t just a thing — it’s a Very Scary Thing. In our culture, a lot of those people spend their Sunday afternoons in the same building we do. Don’t make too much of this — I think religions do some things really well. But conservative religions, like ours, suck at porn.
That was a good article Roy. I’ve noticed that things I jokingly call fake addictions* (video games, phones/social media, porn, sugar…) tend to be chinese finger traps. The harder you try to pull away from them, the tighter their hold is on you. Once you stop treating them like forbidden fruit, they lose a lot of their power.
*I call them fake addictions because their withdrawal symptoms are mild to nonexistent compared to harder stuff that creates chemical dependency.
Roy wrote:
kotm wrote:
it’s refreshing to come across someone like Sara who is LDS and has a very progressive approach to it.
What is her approach?
This is one approach that I love.
https://observer.com/2015/06/the-naked-people-in-your-ipod/ Quote:Just like your appetite reacts to the smell of cooking bacon, evolution wired clever primates, like you and me, to react to sexual stories, pictures, and videos. It’s that simple. That’s pretty much the only reason porn is even a thing.
But for a lot of people, porn isn’t just a thing — it’s a Very Scary Thing. In our culture, a lot of those people spend their Sunday afternoons in the same building we do. Don’t make too much of this — I think religions do some things really well. But conservative religions, like ours, suck at porn.
That’s a good article. One analogy Sara used once was that of a Tiger living in a village. And how if you keep the Tiger locked up all the time it’s going to get pent up and frustrated. And once the Tiger is let out, it will hurt the villagers. However if you care for the Tiger, and give the Tiger boundaries the Tiger will be well behaved, and you will have a great healthy relationship with the Tiger. That’s probably not exactly, and I’m sure I have missed some aspects – however the analogy was great. And obviously the Tiger is an analogy for sexuality.PazamaManX wrote:
… Once you stop treating them like forbidden fruit, they lose a lot of their power.
This has been my experience as well PM.
I’ve read that article before, great insight.
kotm wrote:
One analogy Sara used once was that of a Tiger living in a village. And how if you keep the Tiger locked up all the time it’s going to get pent up and frustrated. And once the Tiger is let out, it will hurt the villagers. However if you care for the Tiger, and give the Tiger boundaries the Tiger will be well behaved, and you will have a great healthy relationship with the Tiger. That’s probably not exactly, and I’m sure I have missed some aspects – however the analogy was great. And obviously the Tiger is an analogy for sexuality.
That’s an interesting analogy. I think that sometimes in our culture we try to starve the tiger. Before marriage, we might try to just ignore it and maybe it will die. This can lead to huge problems of course. One of those problems is trying to suddenly revive the tiger once we become married.
One tactic that I have heard on a LDS facebook group managed by JFF* is porn free masturbation. Bringing it back to the tiger example, this is like spending quality time domesticating/managing the tiger and not “keeping it locked up all the time.”
*Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a licensed therapist who specializes in working with LDS couples on sexuality and relationship issues.
I am not, but I have known some who have/are. (Addicts that is…) What I think worries me is their belief, as has been pummeled into their minds, that they are vile addicts. Which then brings up the, is pornography an addiction or a bad habit? I know a gentleman who had been called to run a church (LDS) lead 12 steps type group to help pornography addicts. It was a calling. Having a medical background he read up on the issue as much as he could. At one point he talked to the stake reps above him, letting them know he believed porn to be more a bad habit and less of an addiction. Within two weeks he was released. I had moment with a stake presidency member over the subject one sunny Sunday. He would go non-stop about men in the church watching pornography constantly. I informed him that research is showing women 17-35 years of age are catching up to men in their consumption of pornographic materials. I should have kept my mouth shut. He did not like that and told me no sister would watch such vile material. OK I guess.
I think the Church’s approach to the subject, particularly regarding married couples, at times has done more harm than good. While at the same time individuals (LDS Volk) telling me part of their married date night often includes the couple watching pornography together. The suggestion of such an activity in my marriage would go over like a toot in an elevator.
The harm? While I do not believe pornography gives the world Ted Bundys, I believe it has the potential to ruin marriages, and possibly pornography has more impact on people’s careers. Watching such material is a firing offense with most companies I would think. But, if you have to watch adult material at work, knowing your are going to get kicked to the curb, that is a portrait of addiction in my mind.
Friedrich wrote:
I am not, but I have known some who have/are. (Addicts that is…) What I think worries me is their belief, as has been pummeled into their minds, that they are vile addicts. Which then brings up the, is pornography an addiction or a bad habit? I know a gentleman who had been called to run a church (LDS) lead 12 steps type group to help pornography addicts. It was a calling. Having a medical background he read up on the issue as much as he could. At one point he talked to the stake reps above him, letting them know he believed porn to be more a bad habit and less of an addiction. Within two weeks he was released.
I have a close relative who is a licensed psychologist (doctorate). We’ve had this discussion because I believe like you that pornography is not an addiction like alcohol, tobacco or other drugs (heroin, meth, etc.). Indeed the good doctor says I’m absolutely correct. Addiction to drugs is treated very differently from “addiction” to porn, and the latter is much more treatable. The practice where they work classifies porn as a compulsion as opposed to an addiction and treats it as such, just like any other compulsion.
This is one of those discussions where I would love to be able to talk to God & ask: why is the drive to have sex or intimate sexual contact so strong? Why did you design it that way? If we are created in your image, do you have the same impulse that your children do on earth?
The standard answer is, that the impulse is strong because of the need to create more opportunities for the spirits on the other side
to come to earth. Does it make sense to design the sexual drive so strong then create commandments that try to diminish it?
Then condemn the people who give into the impulse.
It is interesting to contemplate. Someone has a lot of explaining to do.
I am thankful that as we age, those urges let up. There was a quote in a movie I saw where one of the characters said “the loss of my libido was like being unchained from a lunatic”.
For the person who wants to live a chaste life as a young, single person, the libido is a nightmare. It tormented me as a young man. So glad we get free of it, and the need for porn, as we age. It’s one of the blessings of getting old and losing your vitality.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.