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My daughter is now 11. Last month we had the sister missionaries over for dinner and DD asked them why women do not hold the priesthood. One began to explain that women conceive babies. DW gently cut her off and said that we (our family) actually do not believe in that. I followed up by saying that Pres. Hinckley was asked a very similar question and responded that a revelation from God could extend priesthood to women.
A few weeks ago we were invited to “new beginnings” as DD will be moving into YW in the coming year. They had a presentation on the YW values and I was distressed at how often marriage and motherhood were invoked. Individual worth was likened to staying worthy for the temple. Knowledge was important so that women can teach their children as mothers. One of the young women was asked what their favorite project for getting their young woman medallion was. She answered that she most enjoyed painting her room and organizing the fridge. Later DD told me that she did not want to paint her room and lamented that the boys get to do fun things like shoot BB guns.
Last Sunday DD had a lesson in church on the priesthood. After church DD asked DW, “If God were a woman – do you think women would hold the priesthood?” When I got home from work she framed it to be as a debate. She was prepared to argue that God, being a man, only works primarily through men because that is the gender that He personally feels most comfortable and affinity with. Also that a female deity would probably work primarily with women. (I thought it was awfully clever of her to frame it as a debate – thus allowing for the expression of ideas without the defensiveness of personal positions) I agued that God could very well be a woman but recognized that men control the power structure on earth and that men (of past generations) would be very reluctant to fully accept a female God. Desiring to work with humanity as it is and to speak to them through their own language and understanding, God could have presented herself as a man for the sake of expedience. This seemed to make DD very happy. She hugged me and told me that she wanted to work towards extending the priesthood to women.
I was both proud and sad. Proud in her vision, courage, and hope for the future. Sad because I fear for her hope coming up against a hard wall.
I did not want to be the one to dash her hopes. I told her that she should be prepared to come across lots of people that might not be ready for that. Many people find change to be hard and are instead invested in defending the status quo. I asked her to be patient and kind towards such people.
DD looked at me quizzically and then said, “Well duh, I am not going to go around being mean.”
This is new territory for me. It feels like a brave new world.
New Beginnings?YW are certainly indoctrination to the barefoot and pregnant “ideal” IMO. My own adult daughter’s inactivity has direct roots in New Beginnings and the rest is lots of stuff through the years in YW and then BYU. BYU was the proverbial straw. I hope your daughter’s generation can make changes. It’s either that or continuing the path of the Millennials and just continue leaving.
I think it is awesome that your 11 year old daughter is so self-aware and confident! Good for her! She is going to be a difference maker. 🙂 This post made me find my first talk that I ever gave at a YW program. It was for YWIE. The theme was Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful. I read the book by Max Lucando called You are Special. The title is unoriginal but the book is so good. It talks about how you need to get your approval from God, no one else. He is the only one that can help you be who you are supposed to be. I realized that while I was YWP, I never once talked about how you needed to be a mother, wife, career person or whatever. I just wanted the girls to be who THEY wanted to be, who GOD (not the church) told them to be. (I also never once mentioned modesty
Sometimes I am worried that girls just can’t be who they want. They’ve got the church saying be mothers, wives, etc. Then you have more of the feminist view telling them they need to have a career, fight to hold the priesthood. The latter, to me, sometimes comes off as, “men” roles are more important then “female” rolls, so this is what you should be going after. In my opinion, that kind of thinking could be just as damaging. I believe no callings in this life are more important than others, no matter what anyone says.
In all honesty, I just want women and girls (and men for that matter ) to be whatever they want to be without anyone telling them one role is better than another. God gave us passions so that we would have the drive to achieve them, whatever they may be. Personally, holding a Priesthood calling would be my own special type of hell. I have absolutely no desire for it. However, I certainly believe that there are women out there who would do an amazing job with the Priesthood and being a Bishop, SP, GA or whatever. I hope someday in the future they are able to achieve those goals.
ETA: I hope the paragraph about being YWP doesn’t come off as being too braggy. I just wanted to clarify that there are some Young Women leaders who truly want to encourage the girls to be happy just being themselves instead of trying to fit into a mold that the church or society creates for them.
I love this – and my own children, generally, feel much the same way. It is just a given to them that “God” is an equal couple and that *man*kind simply has messed up that simple fact. Kate – Your post warms my heart. Many moons ago when I was a YW (Before the present Value’s focused Personal Progress and One Size Fit’s all Motto), I felt encouraged by my leaders to follow that God-ordained mission in life. Our Bishop was a huge champion for talent development and display. I had YW leaders who were runway models, fashion magazine models, and two who specialized in music. One blue-grass, the other stage productions. We were empowered to reach for the stars.
Then it all changed. ETB came out with the whole mother’s should be at home. Personal Progress became a spiritual path project. The church created a world wide YW motto. Eventually homogenization happened. I too have been a YW Pres. and in the Stake YW Presidency. We pushed hard against the tide, but dang it was an intense tide. I think the boys have it equally as bad. White shirts, ties, and scouting. Pretty narrow path.
All this typing really boils down to – I hear ya sista’ and amen.
Cool thinking. It sounds like your DD has an innate ability to challenge assumptions — a skill that tends to create new paradigms and breakthroughs. But what struck me was your ability, Roy, to look at the New Beginnings experience objectively — like an outsider. Many of us have reported that experience. As traditional believers, we tend to view church culture and values the same way Fish consider water. It is taken for granted and ubiquitous. We don’t question it.
But when you go through your FC or Commitment Crisis (CC) like I did, you are a fish now looking at the water like an amphibian. You see the air, you see the water, you see the birds, you see the sky. And you can then form your own opinions about their relative merits.
I’m going to steal that analogy, SD, and I won’t even ask permission. I might extend it a bit, too: an amphibian understands the boundary between air and water really well. It’s hard to look objectively at something that forms a big part of your identity. I’ll bet kids have an edge on us because of this.
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