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The best church discussion I’ve experienced is one defining LOVE. After all, God (Goodness) is love. I know there are many ways of loving… so many we can’t list them all because how love is expressed or felt by different people, in different circumstances vary infinitely. Still, I’ve come to see love as a general HOPE & striving for what is best (what we think is best) through trial & error (active faith).
Reading posts about marriage & relationships we experience through the church, I’ve thought about a book by Gary Chapman, called,
The Five Love Languageswhich are: 1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Which is your most preferred love language?
Do you know which love languages your loved-ones prefer?
Which of these love languages do you think are taught/expressed well in church & which aren’t?
Mine is physical touch – and not just sexual in nature. I’m a touchy-feely person. My wife’s is words of affirmation. She wants to hear love expressed.
We’re a bit stereotypical that way.
I read this book also. My MIL had given it to me, and I didn’t read it because I never like the same books she does. Years later I bought it on my kindle and read it on a flight. Fast read. My top one was Words of Affirmation followed by Acts of Service. The one I do not get at all is Receiving Gifts. It actually makes me very suspicious. I hate gift giving and receiving as it feels like manipulation because of the expectation of reciprocity. That’s my MIL’s top one, though. My DH’s is Quality Time, which took about 17 years of marriage to figure out and for him to express.
Thanks for your replies, Ray & Hawkgirl. I’m not big on gifts either – I get stressed too.
Yet, I know some who are… & are so good at finding just the right gift & then it’s hard to reciprocate, especially if I think they have everything they want (besides really expensive gifts like vacations etc.).
In church relationships, my experience is that gifts & acts of service are most commonly expressed & socially acceptable.
Quality time would be next (home/visiting teaching – although even that tends to be superficial – not too deeply “quality” considering it’s usually conditional on assignment). Then, words of affirmation & lastly physical touch.
Of course this would vary with cultures.
Mine are Acts of Service, followed by Words of Affirmation — a distant second. I don’t mind those other things, although gifts make me uncomfortable as they cost money and are SUPPOSED to be for me, but if I don’t like them, and say so, then it hurts the giver, making it all about THEM. If I give a gift and someone doesn’t like it, then I encourage them to take it back and get something they want! No skin off my nose — I missed. That’s why I like to give gift cards or money. That makes sense your primary love language is acts of service, SD. Considering other threads about happiness & do that or don’t do that…
I wonder where you draw the line between loving for the sake of another person & loving in vain to your own misery.
If whoever you’re loving is very perceptive & open, they’d probably let you know in no uncertain terms.
But if they’re a little oblivious, or even choose denial themselves, it might be a challenge to decipher.
My dh’s love language is affection & words of affirmation.
I try to show affection & say compliments & gratitude, but sometimes, I feel like I’m going through the motions (same with when I’m in a bad mood but I see someone at church or who I hadn’t seen for a while & have to “put on a happy face” )… Sometimes when I do, I feel like I’m denying a part of me, & it’s almost like love is squelched a little. Maybe it’s just my past baggage… or does anyone else relate?
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