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I can tell already this is going to be a good series: http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2014/06/the-seven-principles-for-making-wards-work-love-maps/ Love this from the get go. I like that you posted it Hawkgrrl. I was running my errands today and thinking about your recent responses and I wanted to get your take on moving forward. Not to copy you but you are a smart woman who thinks things through I wanted to get a sense of your thoughts. I won’t need to ask now, this pretty presents it. Thanks.
I like the idea of boundaries, and I like the idea of getting to know people and taking an interest in their lives. But I don’t see the analogy of a “love map” and taking a sincere interest in peoples’ lives. I read number 2. Sounds like positive psychology stuff. Look at bad things as temporary, isolated, and not pervasive to all aspects of life. As someone who has left their geographical ward due to some significant problems, I didn’t find it resonated much with me. But a few points made sense:
*Recall times when ward members have served you or your family.
This one. When my son was diagnosed with a disease a couple members brought food over. I thought it was kind, but it was also programmed service, but kind nonethless
If someone feels the inclination I’d love to see a concise summary. I don’t have much time for blog reading these days. StayLDS is pretty much the only thing I read online. tl;dr Quote:Principle One: Enhance Your Love Maps
Love maps refer to how well we know what is going on in the lives of those around us. In the case of our partner, it could be something as small as knowing whether he or she likes salad dressing on the side or not, or as big as knowing each other’s secret hopes and dreams. In a ward setting, it could involve knowing that the woman sitting ahead of you just lost her mother, and extending your love and condolences to her. It could be thanking someone for a talk you enjoyed. Creating love maps with people in your ward means that you pay attention to them and show them that you remember them and think about them outside of Sunday meetings.
Principle Two: Nurture Fondness and Admiration
If you have a functioning fondness and admiration system, you recognize the good in ward members, and can find things about them to like. One of the greatest hurdles to having fond feelings, or admiring others is contempt. Gottman states that the simple act reminding oneself about the positive qualities in others, even while dealing with their flaws, can keep a relationship from deteriorating.
*Talk to ward members about positive memories you have with them.
*Think about things you have in common.
*Make a list of common goals you share with ward members.
*Recall times when ward members have served you or your family.
*Recall times when you have served ward members.
*Think about positive things you can talk about with ward members ahead of time.
*Attend a ward activity and search for or create opportunities to laugh with ward members.
Thanks, hawkgrrrl! Those are all points that could help me. I have a hard time forming relationships. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Principle 3 is up. I am enjoying this series. Some of the ideas are rehashes I’ve heard before, but the how to do it in a ward is inspirational.
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