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One thing that kind of surprised me is that my Bishop didn’t use my daughter’s temple wedding as a reason to talk to me about my non-TR-holding status. My wife got a TR from him a month prior, but he said nothing about myself to her. Our past Bishop would have likely asked about my plans for the temple given the upcoming temple wedding involving my only daughter. He likely would have even asked me to come into his office to talk about it. But my current Bishop doesn’t say anything about the marriage or my daughter or anything. Am I attaching too much importance to my life, in the eyes of a Bishop, with this question/forecasted expectation? Would you be surprised if you were me, since I’m active in the Ward and there most Sundays, serving in a calling etcetera? Just curious.
[Note, I’m happy to be off the radar, but I was expecting him to bring me in to talk about it before the event].
One outcome of this situation (not getting a TR for an important life event) is that I feel even more committed to non-TR holding now that I have made a sacrifice in this respect — not being in the temple for the sealing. It works both ways I guess – sacrifice for anything seems to strengthen commitment to that very thing. Sacrificing your tithing and time tends to strengthen your commitment to the church, while sacrifices to NOT hold a TR has the effect of strengthening commitment to authenticity and heterodoxy.
Alas, I have much faith in my own ability to change my mind, so this jump in my commitment to authenticity is not engraved in stone. But at this moment, I do feel more committed to authenticity and my personal happiness through heterodoxy/unorthodoxy than I did prior to the wedding. And less committed to the church’s textbook plan for my life.
Hi, Leadership roulette…
Maybe he just forgot about the timing…
Good thoughts about commitment vs. authenticity, thanks!
AmyJ wrote:
Hi,Leadership roulette…
Maybe he just forgot about the timing…
Good thoughts about commitment vs. authenticity, thanks!
I agree with this… he could be overworked. Many bishops are.
I once went to a bishop of my singles university ward and confessed some VERY personal transgressions. The next week my baby niece was receiving a name and a blessing. I called my bishop up to ask him if I could stand in the circle. He asked me to refresh his memory as to what the transgressions were because he could not remember. At the time of my confession, I felt that this was a huge deal and that my errors were somehow exceptional. Looking back, I imagine that this poor bishop probably received confessions like mine every week.
Roy wrote:
I once went to a bishop of my singles university ward and confessed some VERY personal transgressions. The next week my baby niece was receiving a name and a blessing. I called my bishop up to ask him if I could stand in the circle. He asked me to refresh his memory as to what the transgressions were because he could not remember.At the time of my confession, I felt that this was a huge deal and that my errors were somehow exceptional. Looking back, I imagine that this poor bishop probably received confessions like mine every week.
As a general principle, it’s hard to take things seriously when the leaders don’t — even if it’s something caused by poor memory or simply overload.
I’ve heard many testimonies from people that confessed something in their youth, ran into their bishop decades later, and were relieved when they found that the BP didn’t remember their sins. To them it was a testimony that if the BP could forget their sins then god could… and they could also. nibbler wrote:
I’ve heard many testimonies from people that confessed something in their youth, ran into their bishop decades later, and were relieved when they found that the BP didn’t remember their sins. To them it was a testimony that if the BP could forget their sins then god could… and they could also.
There is a story by SWK like this. To me it’s just evidence they just forgot. It faded into unimportance given all the other imperatives of life. The fact that my Bishop didn’t think to put it on his radar even though my wife was sitting right in front of him, and I have a long history with him is encouraging. It makes it seem rather unimportant doesn’t it?
And ultimately, these matters of commitment, TR-holding, etcetera, are personal and between us and the Lord aren’t they — most other people aren’t going to invest neuron space in them….It underscores the importance of one’s relationship with God as the final say so on these matters.
He sounds like a good Bishop! Unexpected, but the right course of action I think. It’s a wise leader who knows when to direct and when to let flow. No, you shouldn’t be surprised, based on your previous descriptions of him. There are plenty of Bishops who would have acted differently, but there are a whole lot who would have acted the same way he did.
It is easy to forget that.
Old Timer wrote:
No, you shouldn’t be surprised, based on your previous descriptions of him.There are plenty of Bishops who would have acted differently, but there are a whole lot who would have acted the same way he did.
It is easy to forget that.
I like a quote I heard a while ago. My sister is a scientist and thinks social science is akin to “bunk”. As I was nursing my wound after hearing her opinion, being somewhat of a social scientist myself, I came across a quote:
Quote:
God left all the easy problems to the scientistsImplicit in this statement is that predicting human behavior it’s so full of extraneous, complex, unpredictable variables, that the field is a lot harder to unravel than hard science.
My assessment, given how hard it is to predict motives and behavior — I think this particular bishop a) is worn out and just keeps store. He wouldn’t be proactive in reaching out to me as a result. He’s older and retired, and I know him — this seems consistent with his past behavior as a Bishop.
b) he knows a conversation between us would prompt me to describe the behavior of his wife, and the impact she had on my physical health, mental health, and testimony years ago. This is unpleasant to him for two reasons a) I think he disagreed with his wife’s behavior, as I would have if she were my wife and b) such a conversation would put him in a position to be disloyal to his wife. Who knows what I would say to others, and how it could impact his relationship with her if she found out anything supportive he said of me, or disapproving of her? His wifely relationship comes before his relationship with me — one that wouldn’t even exist if we weren’t in the same church.
We don’t know what motivates people — it’s surprising that life marches forward progressively given how much we have to guess. But intuition leads me to this conclusion after posting here, thinking about it etcetera.
And given the risks conversations with Ph leaders pose, I am probably better off. I think part of me would like to get some affirmation from him that his wife was out of line years ago, but only about 10%. And what good would that do? What matters is what I think about it, and I know it was out of line. I have learned to cope. Why search for validation from him personally? There is no point to it if you are a self-sufficient, emotionally independent person.
I have to confess, my daughter getting married was very unsettling to me in a number of ways. I suspect this is normal. But particularly tumultuous given my lack of orthodoxy, my commitment crisis, my personal philosophy of church-member relationships
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