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I have to admit that I have never really understood the angst and pain that many LDS woman talk about — it’s just never been an issue for me, though I like to think myself to be progressive and sympathetic…unfortunately, or fortunately, depends on how one sees the whole picture, that has changed a bit in the last 24 hours. I’ve evolved – maybe I can understand the issue better… This may seem like the silliest, most obvious thing in the world, but I lost some sleep last night. Here is what happened. Deep down I do appreciate and love the church, and yesterday as I was talking to my wife about church and some options/callings we might do to keep our branch functional in order to keep it going to so our kids will have that resource to help get them through their teenage years – I made the comment to her that I was bitter and frustrated because I WANT to serve and I’m WILLING to help out the Branch in my calling, yet, according to the CHI, my days are numbered. I squeaked through the TR interview just to get the calling to begin with, and there is just no way I can do so again at this time.
Anyway, so I tell my wife how frustrated I am that because of church policy/politics my calling options are limited and I’m not going to be able to contribute to the LDS church like I want to and need to.
Her response, “Well, now you know how I’ve been feeling the last 20 years.”
OMG. I am an idiot.
Yeah, if there was one thing and one thing only that I could change about the current church, it would be the limitations put on women as to where and how they can serve. It doesn’t have to be ordained Preisthood office being opened to women, but there are SO many things that I see as cultural that just don’t have to be – and haven’t always been. It just a matter of time. If the world continues on the path it is then the church will have to adopt more liberal policies towards women if it wants to stay relevant. It will not be able to sustain it’s position in the future. Unless of course it chooses to be a small church with limited membership Wow what a profound realization. Yeah, I have to admit it being a “duhhhhh” kind of moment, but I could totally put myself in your shoes. That is very much what it is like — being limited in a similar way. The thing is though, orthodox women aren’t “defective” believers like we (doubting men) might consider ourselves to be. That totally sucks. Old-Timer wrote:Yeah, if there was one thing and one thing only that I could change about the current church, it would be the limitations put on women as to where and how they can serve. It doesn’t have to be ordained Preisthood office being opened to women, but there are SO many things that I see as cultural that just don’t have to be – and haven’t always been.
Sounds strange, but I’m enjoying the fact that I’ve disqualified myself from certain callings given my rocky exodus from a calling a year ago (I still have a temple recommend though). At first, every time I hear a high profile calling in the Ward was opening up due to a move or something, I was nervous I’d be asked to do it. Well, they are totally leaving me alone — both the Stake and the Ward. I love it.
I realize not all women feel that way — after 20 years in the Church they’ve experienced every Primary, YW, or RS calling there is, and it becomes a grind.
I don’t think this will ever change, however, until the membership takes a huge hit. As long as people keep joining and the Church remains strong in its finances, I don’t think this will change much. As I’ve said before, big changes to policy/doctrine have only come when there’s been a threat or strong benefit to the organization as a whole.
I have to confess though, I”m feeling it in gospel essentials. There are certain things I can’t teach with confidence anymore because I know the average investigator is likely to flip over it. Or, if I have taught objectionable things (gay chastity/men and the priesthood for example), I feel many in the group stiffen up or a ripple of mental disapproval go through certain people in the class.
In our society, we’re becoming a stranger and more peculiar people with each passing day.
RANT WARNING!!! The thing is, it isn’t just women who feel this way. In the last twenty years, here are the callings I’ve had in the church:
Full time missionary
Ward organist (6 times)
Quorum secretary (3 times)
Ward activities committee (3 times)
Quorum instructor (twice)
Stake missionary
Ward greeter
Ward employment specialist
Ward blood drive coordinator (a made-up calling if ever there was one)
Out of those, the only ones women can’t currently do are quorum secretary and instructor. But the way I see it, these callings are essentially equivalent to Relief Society secretary and instructor, which women can do and I can’t. Also, while I had some of these callings for years at a time, there have been dry spells where I didn’t have a calling for months or (in one case) over a year, even though I was worthy. Currently, I have been without a calling for six months, although I was burned out after being both ward organist and quorum secretary (and picking up the slack for the counselors) and I’m not in a hurry to get another one. Finally, none of these are leadership callings. It makes me wonder if the Lord doesn’t trust me. My boss does. I’ve had many leadership positions in the private sector, and I’m currently making six figures as a consultant. What gives?
@Steve-hpias – Move to a small town in Canada, and you will be called as a Branch President within the month! 
Seriously though, I have found that in areas where the church membership is smaller, you automatically get bigger callings, simply because there aren’t as many people to fill the positions. Here in central Canada I almost always had at least 2 callings at the same time while I was active at church (I knew a few people who had 3 or 4!), and have held a number of auxillary Presidency positions as well (those that women are permitted to hold). I have often heard members here sigh and say how nice it would be to live in a large Utah or Calif ward where they have to make up callings for people because there are just more people than callings. I guess what I am saying is that often the calling type you receive might have more to do with the population of your ward rather than simply your level of personal worthiness. I was in one ward where our Elder’s Quorum pres was only semi-active!
As for the whole status of women in the church issue – it is so nice to see it being acknowledged here. It was one of my biggest frustrations as an active female member.
asha wrote:@Steve-hpias – Move to a small town in Canada, and you will be called as a Branch President within the month!
I can vouch for that. I’m a StayLDSers, who holds a major leadership position on an expired TR, plus Sunday School President, Youth Sunday School Teacher, HP/Elders Corum instructor and Asst. Scout Master — and occasionally I will fill in in the primary.
asha wrote:@Steve-hpias – Move to a small town in Canada, and you will be called as a Branch President within the month!
Ha! Actually, I should qualify that last statement by saying I don’t trust myself either! I came to terms a long time ago with the fact that I’m not a natural leader. I’m okay with that. While I’m occasionally prone to ranting about my lack of opportunities for service in the church, most of the time I’m actually grateful some other poor sap is doing those instead.
Besides ward organist, the only other calling in the church I’ve ever coveted is Gospel Doctrine instructor. I think it’d be awesome, but I’d imagine the powers that be aren’t ready for that.
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