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I have a personal problem that effects my activity here. My (very TBM) mother-in-law found out that I post here. She confronted me yesterday and wanted to talk about things. She has done this to me (unprovoked) before (as some of you may recall). I told her I didn’t want to talk about it but she insisted. She accused me of being willing to talk about these issues with other people on the internet but not with her, she also accused me of having “followers,” and trying to convince people that I’m right, not leaving room in my heart for the church, being too smart, and abandoning the Savior. I bring this up in this forum for three reasons.
1. My mother-in-law can’t read it here.
2. Does anyone feel this way about me? Do I try too hard to convince people that I’m right? Is there any truth to her claims that anyone can see? I want to correct any problems if there are.
3. I think I will have to hide my online status, and cease from posting so much for the next little bit. I will still moderate, and read what’s going on, but I likely won’t comment much for a time.
I apologize for this inconvenience.
Very sorry JMB, I know it’s tough when loved ones just don’t understand the journey. I’ve been in similar places myself. From my perspective your MIL is probably feeling threatened, she never intended her daughter to be married to a “doubter”, no matter to what degree. These things can be extremely hard for “uber-TBM’s” to discuss in a moderate way, it becomes even more difficult if they are unwilling to let go of the subject and need to force their view.
To answer your questions No, I haven’t gotten the impression that you need to force your view. I personally think that you are leaving room in your heart for the church.
jmb275 wrote:…I didn’t challenge her, and just told her I appreciated her concern.
Good for you, smart (and dare I say mature) move. She can’t help but be concerned. Hopefully things will smooth out in time and some level of understanding can be reached.
You may want to try what I did. I used Ray and his personal blog to help (my wife mostly) understand that good people are behind StayLDS. I like propping up Ray for my family (Thanks RAY!
I also printed out the section on this site ‘to our LDS friends without doubts who find us’ for my wife to read, and I talked with her about why we often need to speak “the language of dissaffection” to try to reach the hearts of people who come here.
Of course for me this is all good news to her – after a time when she thought I may never “be in the church” again. My trying to help others see positive things in the church is a wonderful place after that. So things are relative I guess.
Best wishes to you. Please feel free to post all you want in this section.
@Orson Yeah, I’m definitely not upset at her or anything. I fully understand her position, and even love her for who she is. Like me, she is trying to help in the best way she knows how. Through the help I have received on this site, I can look passed the words, TBM testimony, and accusations and see a person who loves me.
Having said this, it was still difficult to bear. Some of the problem seems to be that my wife talked to her about 5 months ago when I was still in the angry phase. My wife hasn’t spoken to her about it much since then. So I think her view of me is tainted by her outdated information. I think she is projecting that view of me onto my words at this site, and elsewhere.
The hardest part is where to go from here. I have
no interest whatsoeverin talking to her about it and trying to clear up her misconceptions (hmmm, am I being like the church here???). Not because I don’t care about her, and want her to not know the truth, but because it is nigh impossible to have the conversation with someone in her position. She is more interested in me understanding how she feels, than understanding how I feel. I’m fine with that, I’ve been there before, I just don’t want to deal with it until she’s at a place where she wants to understand. Yes, maybe you should just give it some time — cross the next bridge when you get to it. If directing her to my personal blog and mentioning that I was just released from the High Council to teach Seminary helps, go for it. 
😆 I understand. Do what you need to do, whatever that is – and NO to your questions. Your participation here is wonderful.
If you need to cool it, I can keep an eye on the book review section. let me know. Sorry to hear about your troubles JMB275. I think you are coming at the situation in a very healthy direction — seeing the love and concern your MIL has for you, even if it is expressed in the way it is. I have the opposite problem, being the “faithful” one (relative term) in my relationship. So I don’t have any good advice. I feel for you though.
Sorry to hear that JMB. I have often wondered what I would say to someone if they were concerned I was posting here. I think I would say that I am here to help those struggling to maintain a testimony. It is the truth. I do gain from the interactions with others, so as much as it is about me helping others, others help me too. You might want to tell your MIL that you feel like you’re through the angry phase, and that you want to help others too. It sounds like she wants to convince you that she is right, so I think you two may have much in common on that point.
mormonheretic wrote:It sounds like she wants to convince you that she is right, so I think you two may have much in common on that point.
Are you saying that you do feel like I try to convince people (like her) that I’m right? I certainly don’t intend to be that way although I know I can come across that way at times (maybe more often than I realize). I hope that I haven’t engaged anyone in that sort of discussion since I first started posting here in April. That was when I was in the angry phase, so I was definitely trying to convince them. But since then, I hope I have been more amicable.I will try to work on that more!
MH can answer directly, but I think the MH can answer directly, but I think the
Dang! Blasted written word! It is so hard to convey and interpret properly. Sorry, I was probably being overly sensitive. I’m sure you’re right Ray.:: walking away shaking head and feeling stupid! ::
😳 Ray knows me pretty well by now! Yes JMB, don’t take it too seriously. Honestly, I haven’t seen anything from you I’d consider too strong. You’ve probably seen me be a little strong with some people on other boards (like my recent post on MM.)
Any updates, JMB? Don’t mean to pry. Curious about how things have been going for you. Can’t be easy. JMB – so sorry to hear about your trouble. I’ve just been getting back after being out of the country. In short, I don’t see you the way you describe, and I think you are handling MIL’s concern well. I would follow the great advice above. It’s always good to listen to someone’s intentions, feelings and fears; words are so easily misinterpreted. Best wishes to you. Jordan wrote:Any updates, JMB? Don’t mean to pry. Curious about how things have been going for you. Can’t be easy.
Thank you everyone for the kind words. Here’s an update:I asked my wife just to tell her mother that she doesn’t have all the details and that I have made a lot of progress since that time. My wife told her a bit more about where I’m at (although I kind of wished she hadn’t). I also asked my wife to tell her that I would be more than happy to talk to her about it should she want to ask me. I haven’t heard from my MIL since however. My wife says she will come around, it will just take some time. I guess we’ll wait and see. I’m still a bit uncomfortable posting too much here since I’m on “high alert” but I suspect it will subside in the near future. We’ll see how it goes and I’ll keep you up to date.
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