A Rampant Mind

[A_Wanderer]

Hey. New user here as you can see. I registered here for the sole purpose to post this thread and discuss it if anyone’s willing. I was originally going to post this at lds.net but then the CEO who hosts that site all of a sudden decided that ANYTHING related to sex is not allowed anymore. So here I am. First, a little disclaimer. I’m not specifically asking for advice, though you’re welcome to give it. I’m here simply to discuss with others my unique scenario. I am having some problems but… I can deal with them I guess is what I’m trying to say. I just wanna talk about it with some who might understand the WHOLE picture and not just pieces.

Anyway, a little background. I’m LDS, 21, and interested heavily in games and art. Also writing and computers but to a lesser extent. Also, WARNING. There’s gonna be some serious TL;DR here. But please bare with me. I’ll try to make it as painless to read as possible.

… I should start at the beginning. My first encounter with the problem that I am to this day still battling happened around 2001-2002. I discovered, well… masturbation. I, of course, wish I never did. I didn’t realize it was a sin until about a year after I first started doing it. I tried to quit by myself without any church or gospel or spiritual help of any kind but, as you can guess, I failed. I tried again, with different mental strategies but failed again as well. In the end, I just stopped trying for a bit and focused on just limiting it once in a while.

And it gets a little worse. *sigh* Somewhat recently, I found out I was a furry. I was very interested in the art style and such but I also knew that it had its dark side. I rationalized my getting a little involved in the fandom, telling myself that I was only going to investigate my interests on some forums. Ask a couple questions about it. That’s all.

I was wrong. You see, it’s really hard to be even a little active in the fandom without going into some sort of porn. A huge chunk of the appeal of furry to a whole lot of the fans is the physical form of them. So, you see, it’s inevitable that you’ll stumble across some mature art or writing. And I fell into all that. I managed to get out of it before I got too deep in but the damage was done. The images were in my mind and I didn’t want to leave it.

Which brings us to the present day. I was supposed to go on a mission at 19 but I never did because of procrastination. But the time for procrastinating is over and now it’s time to quit all my sins for good. I know now where I went wrong all those times. I never tried to repent FULLY AND COMPLETELY. I just simply tried to stop doing it. And with something as addictive as what I was doing, it would require the full power of the atonement to help me.

That is where I’m at right now. Besides the above, I haven’t committed any other serious sins. But I believe all that is just a big symptom of a larger problem. My imagination tied with my desires. If that sounds confusing, don’t worry. I’ll explain.

I’ve done some hard thinking about myself as of late. Thinking about my thoughts and actions and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a hybrid of polar opposites. Sometimes, I can be nerdy, and sometimes I can be a jock. Sometimes, I can be incredibly giving, and other times, I can be incredibly selfish. Sometimes, I can be very passive, and sometimes, I can be violent. Sometimes I can be a full-on genius, and sometimes I can be a full-on idiot. I am not exaggerating with ANY of these.

Which leads us into my final biggest problem. I want to do good and take responsibility. I KNOW this church is true without a shadow of a doubt and I want to repay the Lord all he’s done for me (which is an awful lot), but literally half of me is pulling me the other way. I also want to give in. To stop worrying about all my faults, about everything. I want to immerse myself in my mind, in my own worlds, and never look back. To do as I please without restraint and manipulate who I will for my gain.

And that is my current situation. My life. All in all, a lot of people have it much worse. I don’t consider myself to be unfortunate in the slightest. Nevertheless, these are my problems. Problems of a rampant mind. Now, If you’ve managed to read all this, I thank you right now. I know it’s really long but I just want to talk about this with SOMEONE. I don’t even care if people laugh about anything. I welcome every opinion and/or advice. So please, don’t hold back on my account. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Welcome. You are going to get some responses that will vary radically, since we all see things differently in many ways here. There also are going to be some responses I think you won’t expect. In fact, probably most comments will include reactions you might not expect.

I don’t have enough time right now to post my detailed thoughts, but I will try to get back to it when I can. My only question now is whether or not you have been tested for something like OCD – or even bi-polar disorder – or a combination of issues. I don’t know if something like that is contributing, but your description leads me to ask – and, if so, a clinical diagnosis and proper treatment can be critical. I absolutely would suggest checking before leaving on a mission, since missions can exacerbate existing conditions like those in unhealthy ways.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Welcome. You are going to get some responses that will vary radically, since we all see things differently in many ways here. There also are going to be some responses I think you won’t expect. In fact, probably most comments will include reactions you might not expect.

I don’t have enough time right now to post my detailed thoughts, but I will try to get back to it when I can. My only question now is whether or not you have been tested for something like OCD – or even bi-polar disorder – or a combination of issues. I don’t know if something like that is contributing, but your description leads me to ask – and, if so, a clinical diagnosis and proper treatment can be critical. I absolutely would suggest checking before leaving on a mission, since missions can exacerbate existing conditions like those in unhealthy ways.

I have gone through a professional psychological test with a reputable doctor. It was paid for by my local Voc Rehab center to find out if I had any such mental disabilities that would impact my work. He has revealed that I have a combination of Asperger’s and ADHD. Dunno if that will be of use to anyone here though.

[Anonymous]

OK, so you’re 21 and discovered masturbation when you were around 10. Nothing unusual there, I recall discovering it around age 11, and I remember that because of where we lived then. Frankly, as a teenager I was a regular at it and I know some of my friends were as well. I joined the church at 21 where I found out it was a sin. I understand your struggle, it is difficult to stop. I never really did stop before marriage but I did it less frequently, that’s the best I could do. I could be wrong and I could be headed to the telestial kingdom, but I really believe a loving Heavenly Father expects nothing more of us than to do the best we can or try our best. And as Ray alluded to, here’s one of those things you probably don’t expect to hear: I don’t actually believe masturbation in and of itself is a sin, and I think you’ll hear others here say the same. The scriptural reference is scant at best and vague, and no one will convince me otherwise than that everybody (including GAs) has participated or experimented on at least a limited basis. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to stop and I’m not saying you will not meet with success, I’m just sharing my experience and point of view.

Porn is another story, even though the two can be related. Yes, I have looked at porn but I don’t do so currently and never did so on a regular basis. You talked about this stuff being in your “rampant mind” and I agree, that’s where it lives. Porn can be avoided, though, it doesn’t live there (although it may linger).

Lastly, I know the advice over on that other site you mentioned is a flat “talk to your bishop.” I’m not going to advise anyone not to do that of they feel they should. On the other hand, most bishops are not trained counselors and really have nothing to offer you. You can repent on your own without the bishop, but if you feel you need his help, by all means go. FWIW, I believe it’s something most of them don’t deal with well because it’s uncomfortable for them (at least in part because they have been “guilty”) and because they really can’t offer any tangible assistance – it’s not like you’re asking for welfare.

Good luck, I look forward to seeing what others have to say.

[Anonymous]

What the hell is a furry?

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

OK, so you’re 21 and discovered masturbation when you were around 10. Nothing unusual there, I recall discovering it around age 11, and I remember that because of where we lived then. Frankly, as a teenager I was a regular at it and I know some of my friends were as well. I joined the church at 21 where I found out it was a sin. I understand your struggle, it is difficult to stop. I never really did stop before marriage but I did it less frequently, that’s the best I could do. I could be wrong and I could be headed to the telestial kingdom, but I really believe a loving Heavenly Father expects nothing more of us than to do the best we can or try our best. And as Ray alluded to, here’s one of those things you probably don’t expect to hear: I don’t actually believe masturbation in and of itself is a sin, and I think you’ll hear others here say the same. The scriptural reference is scant at best and vague, and no one will convince me otherwise than that everybody (including GAs) has participated or experimented on at least a limited basis. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to stop and I’m not saying you will not meet with success, I’m just sharing my experience and point of view.

Porn is another story, even though the two can be related. Yes, I have looked at porn but I don’t do so currently and never did so on a regular basis. You talked about this stuff being in your “rampant mind” and I agree, that’s where it lives. Porn can be avoided, though, it doesn’t live there (although it may linger).

Lastly, I know the advice over on that other site you mentioned is a flat “talk to your bishop.” I’m not going to advise anyone not to do that of they feel they should. On the other hand, most bishops are not trained counselors and really have nothing to offer you. You can repent on your own without the bishop, but if you feel you need his help, by all means go. FWIW, I believe it’s something most of them don’t deal with well because it’s uncomfortable for them (at least in part because they have been “guilty”) and because they really can’t offer any tangible assistance – it’s not like you’re asking for welfare.

Good luck, I look forward to seeing what others have to say.

I’ve talked to my bishop and he’s know what’s going on. But he said I do have to kick this habit if I want to go. Honestly, I don’t blame him at all for saying that. I do believe it’s a sin like any other. Although not too serious, I’ve noticed that it can act as a way for dirty thoughts to enter your mind depending on how much you do it. I am of the opinion that if you really want to stay pure, you must be rid of these acts. But, like you said, I suppose YMMV since I’m not any sort of a church leader at all and can’t make a concrete judgement on what is truly bad and what is not.

cwald wrote:

What the hell is a furry?

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

Simply someone who finds the design and/or concept of anthropomorphic creatures intriguing. Can also mean anthro creatures themselves. Here’s an example if you want to see one.

That is concept art of a Lizalfos from Ocarina of Time.

[Anonymous]

I do have a moment, so I will add this:

I don’t see “normal” masturbation as a sin – certainly not one the is serious enough to confess to a Bishop. The scriptural reasoning is flawed terribly, meaning the passages that are used to forbid it and call it a sin simply aren’t applicable. In fact, the most common passage from the Old Testament isn’t even about masturbation. I think we are stuck, especially older generations (like mine and older), in a Victorian mindset about sex, generally, that is unhealthy. Habitual, obsessive masturbation is another issue, and it generally is associated with some other issue.

Asperber’s can be managed, but it also can be very difficult on a mission, depending on its severity. I wish you well as you learn more and more how to manage it.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of missionaries who masturbate while on their missions. Trying to eliminate it among young men can be like trying to tell them to stop breathing.

I respect Bishops who try to enforce basic standards and rules. If you try and succeed, fine; if you try and don’t succeed fully, fine. My advice in that situation is to try but not condemn yourself or think of yourself as a sinner needing further confession if you continue occasionally. No harm; no foul in the VAST majority of cases.

[Anonymous]

We have been discussing this subject in another thread:

http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4761

This is an interesting article from a Mormon Therapist:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mormontherapist/2012/08/my-official-stance-on-masturbation.html

Quote:

In short, the church itself has moved away from its positions on masturbation which were largely promulgated during the early to mid 20th century – a time when culture at large had incorrect and inaccurate ideas about sexuality. For example the word “masturbation” has been taken out of the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet and it no longer shows up in the Bishop’s handbook (leading me to believe that bishops should not even be asking about masturbation in their interviews – and one has a right to refuse to answer such questions). Through the past 15 years, I have spoken to numerous bishops, stake presidents, relief society presidents, and high councilmen attempting to understand an official stance on this matter. What I have come to understand is the answers I received largely depended on which leader you approach and what their past experience has been with leaders of their own. This type of non-directive nuance on such an important matter is not okay with me. Especially when within the last 6 months I’ve known of two LDS adolescent boys referred to the addictions program offered by the church because they masturbate 1-3 times a week and three LDS adolescent clients tell me they believe their masturbatory behavior to be a sin next to murder!!! If this is what we are teaching our youth – then we are emotionally abusing them. And it needs to stop. I will no longer be a compliant witness to this type of psychological assault. I know my language is strong and I intend it to be. The numerous stories I could share about masturbatory shame run in the thousands and I find it unnecessary, harmful and life altering.

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and am proud to stand by the teachings I have been taught since Primary: stand for truth and righteousness, dare to do right, choose the right and let the consequence follow, abandon unrighteous traditions, personal revelation is part of my divine heritage, not all has yet been revealed, etc. Sometimes, sadly, this means doing so even within my own cultural framework of Mormonism. Sexual shaming has had a long history within religious paradigms – with disastrous results for many. I am no longer willing to participate in any way, shape or form with such shaming.

In my personal experience I also felt guilty and unworthy about masturbation. I remember writing in my journal that if I couldn’t stop then I would never find fulfillment even in marriage. I felt that I would be unworthy of being fully accepted by a spouse and that my weaknesses may even sabotage any future relationships.

A_Wanderer wrote:

But the time for procrastinating is over and now it’s time to quit all my sins for good. I know now where I went wrong all those times. I never tried to repent FULLY AND COMPLETELY. I just simply tried to stop doing it. And with something as addictive as what I was doing, it would require the full power of the atonement to help me.

I remember that when I went through the temple for my own endowment, I felt like I was doubling down on “never again.” If I couldn’t stop after making temple covenants and wearing the temple garments, then I was surely a lost cause. I failed.

After many years I have come to feel love and acceptance from my Heavenly Father. In my marriage, we have agreed that masturbation is not the preferred norm and definitely should not be used to avoid intimacy with the other partner, but can be appropriate in some circumstances (especially if we are apart for long periods of time).

I can’t tell you what is right for you. I only wish to share that I have been in a similar place and it gets better. :thumbup:

[Anonymous]

A_Wanderer wrote:

cwald wrote:

What the hell is a furry?

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

Simply someone who finds the design and/or concept of anthropomorphic creatures intriguing. Can also mean anthro creatures themselves. Here’s an example if you want to see one.

That is concept art of a Lizalfos from Ocarina of Time.

I Googled the term. From what I can tell you are talking mainly about anthropomorphic cartoons (Think Thundercats) with varying degrees of sexual suggestiveness (from none at all to fairly explicit).

[Anonymous]

In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think God is too worried about people doing what come natural to them. I would try to remember that we need to use moderation in all things. I would also recommend that you talk to a really good mental health worker about the appropriateness of you servicing a mission. A mission is not for everyone. Just so you know, most people here will not laugh at your situation but will really care about you as a person. Please feel free to ask what you need to ask and we will try not to judge. I had know idea about “Furries” but thanks for the information. Maybe talking to a professional about this would be appropriate also.

[Anonymous]

church0333 wrote:

In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think God is too worried about people doing what come natural to them. I would try to remember that we need to use moderation in all things. I would also recommend that you talk to a really good mental health worker about the appropriateness of you servicing a mission. A mission is not for everyone. Just so you know, most people here will not laugh at your situation but will really care about you as a person. Please feel free to ask what you need to ask and we will try not to judge. I had know idea about “Furries” but thanks for the information. Maybe talking to a professional about this would be appropriate also.

Eh… I would highly disagree, church. Any sin at all feels natural because it is part of the natural man.

In fact, If you’ll all allow me to divert this topic to something else for a moment, I want to emphasize the fact I stated in the OP that, at times, I am so torn between doing right and wrong. But the worst part about this, I believe, is that I don’t think I’ve ever felt true happiness for any extended period of time. I have felt it when I prayed about whether the LDS church is true. And it was so incredible. But ever since, I’ve only felt shadows of it. And with the numerous small sins I’ve done that promise immediate pleasure, it’s just so hard for me to have faith that I can experience constant true happiness if I just repent and turn to the Lord.

Maybe I’m blowing this all out of proportion but… *sigh* The worst battles you can have are the ones with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Any sin at all feels natural because it is part of the natural man.

True, but not all things that are natural are sins – and even fewer are horrible sins that automatically separate us from God.

[Anonymous]

[Admin Note to everyone: It is obvious that A_Wanderer wants to take a specific path in regard to the topics in the post. Since he has been direct and open about that, let’s not try to talk him out of what he wants to do. Let’s stick with advice and support in his attempt to pursue his own path, even as we express our honest opinions about the topics about which he has written.]

[Admin Note to A_Wanderer: If you are looking for people who will agree with you and not express differing opinions (and I don’t know if that is the case), this site probably isn’t for you. We all have differing opinions about things, and our site is dedicated to allowing those opinions without any requirement for consensus and absolute agreement – with very, very few exceptions that are outlined in our mission description. Here you are going to get open and sometimes blunt responses, but they are given from a position of love and concern.]

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

[Admin Note to everyone: It is obvious that A_Wanderer wants to take a specific path in regard to the topics in the post. Since he has been direct and open about that, let’s not try to talk him out of what he wants to do. Let’s stick with advice and support in his attempt to pursue his own path, even as we express our honest opinions about the topics about which he has written.]

[Admin Note to A_Wanderer: If you are looking for people who will agree with you and not express differing opinions (and I don’t know if that is the case), this site probably isn’t for you. We all have differing opinions about things, and our site is dedicated to allowing those opinions without any requirement for consensus and absolute agreement – with very, very few exceptions that are outlined in our mission description. Here you are going to get open and sometimes blunt responses, but they are given from a position of love and concern.]

Nope, you’re all good. Just because I disagree on a few point does NOT mean I don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t align with what I think. Just as you said, people have differing views. I especially want to hear your people’s opinions if it’s backed up by a good solid logical argument.

[Author]

Posts