A Stunning Post about Redemption and Judging Others

[Anonymous]

Tracy M. is one of my favorite writers anywhere. The following post blew me away when I read it today:

“The Redemption of Melville Dutad” (http://bycommonconsent.com/2012/11/08/the-redemption-of-melville-dutad/)

[Anonymous]

Stunning indeed.

Having experienced a little of the church’s ARP (as a recipient of its welcomed support) I’m very grateful that some in our organisation recognise that ‘just pray harder’ doesn’t cut it. It’s something I’ve mentioned the value of in a couple of priesthood meetings in the past. I get some odd looks, but I hope it will allow someone else to realise that active Mormons are subject to addictions too.

I’ve by no means had the challenges of ‘Melville’ – I’m grateful for living examples like him, who show the gospel of Christ has strengthening value.

[Anonymous]

not really stunning, to me, but more common than people might think, and pretty close to home for me.

but for some reason, not “painfully” close to home. My sister, late in life after her divorce, started a career teaching autistic children…then told me I probably am autistic in some degree, because I have a lot of similar tendencies. I have never accepted that label, but I can see how it fits–funny that i built a forge as well, and become somewhat expert in explosives in my chemistry set…in the basement. and I never felt normal until i discovered drugs and alcohol.

so where melville is, i was, a long time ago…except that through the grace of god/christ/higher power i didn’t lose as much. bottom is still bottom, though. the difference, for me, was that melville went from recovery into the conversion into church, then relapsed — he was then punished for his “sinful” acts. I found that mormon guilt impairs recovery — hence any church-based recovery programs are fraught with problems — and as long as guilt and sin are part of the view of addiction, recovery is difficult. recovering alcoholics and addicts are always treated as defective by members and particularly leaders, because of suspicion and a view that they/we indeed are spiritually defective. Once labelled as “different”, then we are dismissed and objectified.

For the socially dysfunctional, asperger’s, and autistics, even high-functioning types, we appear “different”, and a reputation of past “sin” or “relapse” puts us into a category of being tolerated but never normally accepted. I can read hebrew, koine greek, classical chinese, and have been through at least eight faith traditions — I have felt the spirit take me to the mountaintop and beyond…but I cannot hold a normal social conversation with my wife and daughters, let alone others.

I walk the Way alone, and so do many others.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the comments. Personal experience always is enlightening and deeply appreciated.

I probably should clarify that by “stunning” I meant stunning in the beauty of its writing. “Sad” would have been another good adjective, given the totality of the story, both with regard to how autism used to be seen and treated and how too many people still react to people like Melville.

I really wish all members in the Church could read it and engage in serious conversations about multiple topics could happen as a result.

[Anonymous]

wayfarer wrote:

I found that mormon guilt impairs recovery — hence any church-based recovery programs are fraught with problems — and as long as guilt and sin are part of the view of addiction, recovery is difficult. recovering alcoholics and addicts are always treated as defective by members and particularly leaders, because of suspicion and a view that the indeed are spiritually defective.

Hi Wayfarer, do you think there’s any merit in drawing a distinction between the approach often taken by untrained and sometimes un-compassionate priesthood leaders which focuses on issues of worthiness and can have a heavy serving of guilt when dealing with problems of addiction, compared to LDS family services councilors and the addiction recovery program?

I have experienced imposition of guilt and sin in the former system, but (for me… a sample of ‘one’) there was no implication of being a sinner from any of the people involved in the ARP or the councilor I had sessions with. They were far more professional and addressed my challenges from the emotional/physical/psychological perspective and never once made me feel like a ‘sinner’ – the word wasn’t even used to the best of my knowledge.

Maybe I was just fortunate with the group of people I worked with.

[Anonymous]

I think many of us on this forum can relate to the feeling he expressed. Such as,

Quote:

Melville knew he was different, but he didn’t understand why or what was ‘wrong’ with him any more than anyone else.

He also said

Quote:

“One day at time” is more than a mantra from AA meetings for an addict. It’s a way of life, and sometimes even taking it a day at a time is too much, and time compresses and crunches down to ‘one hour at a time’, or on bad days, even into moments. Those scores of moments between Sunday meetings, Melville walked mostly alone.

I went to an AA meeting today. For me, this is a very inspired program that helped me & my family, when the Church couldn’t. I am very fortunate in that my family stayed intact during my recovery. One statement I don’t necessarily agree with is:

Quote:

There isn’t a soul alive who knows Melville’s pain.

For those of us who do know his pain, we have more of a responsibility then the average member. To let them know he (or she) is not alone. And there is a way back.

Great article. Thanks.

Mike from Milton.

ps. I’m back. I thought I had a problem with my computer (virus, etc.) It’s fixed now.

[Anonymous]

@makay11: I started in the traditional AA program, when the church had nothing. When the church implemented its ARPs, they deviated in a number of material respects from the 12 traditions, creating an implicit submission to priesthood authority. It may work for some, and I am glad it worked for you–but I can see where the deviations would dilute the effectiveness.

In AA, or any other 12-step programs, there is no professional element: the group conscience is entirely democratic, allowing a more open spirit to emerge from the group. Professionals are always guiding, ensuring that things don’t deviate from what they consider good therapeutic value–the authority is in an individual, not a group conscience.

There are also no bounds to the spiritual experience. In LDS groups, all spiritual experience is within the LDS framework–this necessarily limits the scope and diversity of spiritual experience.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the extra information wayfarer. Do you happen to know how long the LDS ARP has been running?

I hope, if nothing else, it’s a step towards helping members realise that ‘pray harder and have faith’ is not a reasonable response to those suffering from mental/emotional illness.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the link Ray. This reinforces my opinion that most of us are doing the best that we can – but it also emphasises that the distribution or resources (in the broadest of terms to include even mental capacity and support network) is not even. I hope to be more helpful to others in the future than I have been in the past. “Because I have been given much, I too must give”

[Anonymous]

More than one of my siblings struggles with issues as serious as Melville’s. I can’t speak to the merits of addiction recovery programs or being loved and accepted at church, but as a child and teenager I knew deep down that there was something wrong with the way my siblings were treated by my father in particular. He set the tone, and high priority was given to accomplishment and social acceptibility. So, where one might hope and expect great charity, it was often survival of the fittest. I regret I wasn’t a better sister. It would have required swimming against the current and in the crush of life’s activities, I didn’t do it. Had their challenges been more obviously physical – like lameness or deafness – they might have been woven into our family’s life. But what did any of us know about bi-polar disease or schizophrenia? It was a stressful and bewildering time and we just didn’t have the stores of knowledge, patience and love needed.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing that link Ray. Definitely lots of lessons to be learned here.

i can somewhat understand Melville and could say i have been in his shoes in terms of social embarrasment when it comes to church.

If Melville kept coming to church in spite of a lack of social acceptance i would say why put yourself through that torture ?

i think a lot of the reason i haven’t been to one of my old wards is because i never really felt welcomed or fully accepted. i would rather forget the painful past than relive it.

one thing i will say is i am a different person than i was back when i had my faith crisis.

what happened happened and it was one of those unforgettable experiences.

in spite of it i still remember the special spiritual experiences i had and it is what keeps me holding on as a beliver. when i am ready i will go back to church but i will be a different type of member.

[Anonymous]

Great story. I’m incorporating it into my talk this coming Sunday. The theme of my talk is what does faith in Christ really mean. I know what the diffinition from the scriptures is but I’m trying to put it into a real life meaning. It seams to me that Melville’s faith translated to reconiginizing his own self worth. What are your thoughts on what faith in Christ means in real world terms?

[Anonymous]

In the context of this post, I would say that faith is holding onto the belief that all are redeemable – and, even more importantly, that all are worthy of redemption and that each needs it just as badly as any other. In other words, Melville’s and Joseph Smith’s examples might be more obvious than mine and Pres. Monson’s, but they are exactly the same in the end – since ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God.

To me, that is the heart of faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ – faith in what we believe he did and/or symbolized through his life and death. Any time we write off someone as irredeemable, we write off the atonement in a very real way and “deny the faith” in practical terms.

We here, of all people, ought not condemn or give up on others – given how badly we want others not to condemn or give up on us.

[Author]

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