A Thread For Talks and Lessons

[Anonymous]

Here is the summary of my talk yesterday. The assigned topic was “Saving Grace”. (My son’s talk outline is before this one.)

1) “I Stand All Amazed”:

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I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me – confused by the grace that so FULLY he profers me.

I love that line, because I am a History teacher by original profession, a social scientist by nature and a lover of comparative religion. Grace has been a debated topic for thousands of years, and it truly has caused much confusion throughout history. In our own church history, I am old enough to have seen a time when we didn’t talk about grace very much – and I am glad we talk about it more now than in the past. Today, I am not going to try to give a discourse about that debate over time; rather, I am going to talk specifically about the place of grace within Mormon theology and why I believe the Mormon concept of grace is even more powerful than we tend to realize.

2) Definition of grace:

Grace means favor – as in being seen as favorable / worthy of being favored. It also connotes giving something without requirement, as in bestowing a favor on someone. In this light, it is a gift that does not require a matching gift in return. It is NOT a loan, since it cannot be paid back.

2) Overview of the pre-existence and its foundational relationship to Mormonism’s unique view of grace:

We had two choices: to accept HF’s plan and suffer many things in mortality, including a fall from grace (favored status of parent-child relationship) and an atonement (a return to a higher favored status of equality) or to accept Lucifer’s alternate plan, which was no fall from grace, no atonement and return in the same condition as we had prior to mortality. The first plan included pain and suffering and anguish and grief and weakness and transgression and sin and guilt and disability and everything else we experience in this life that allows us to learn and grow; the second plan was pain-free and growth-less.

We teach that the atonement was promised to all who would accept HF’s plan. In essence, HF said to all of us:

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Trust me. I will not fail you. If you choose to accept what I am offering, my grace will cover everything you experience as a result of mortality, and you will be saved from the natural consequences of that life.

So, when I am asked by a friend if and when I have been saved, I answer:

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Yes, I have been saved – before I was born by my acceptance of Jesus as my Savior and Redeemer. So have you – and so has every other child of God. Paul said, “For as in Adam ALL die, so in Christ shall ALL be made alive.” I believe him.

Brothers and sisters, we have been saved by the grace of God already – so why is it so hard for us to accept that?

3) Before I talk about the biggest reason I think we struggle to accept that, I want to highlight one of the most fascinating and least understood verses in the Bible, then add an interesting insight from the Doctrine & Covenants.

Luke 2 tells of Jesus’ life from birth until the age of 12. The last verse in that chapter (verse 52) gives a summary of the next 18 years. It says:

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And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

Remember, grace means to be favored, so, in a real way, this verse says that Jesus increased in grace. D&C 93:13 puts it this way:

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And he received not of the fulness at first, but continued from grace to grace, until he received a fulness.

This places grace, in its fullest sense, as the empowerment that moves us through a process of growth – and it frames grace in terms of growth and progression, rather than in terms of a one-time offering. In other words, as my son said, we are not saved from something; rather, we are saved continually to or toward something. Yes, we have been saved – but we also are being saved. If even Jesus, of Nazareth, went through this process, why do we tend to insist that we be perfect now?

4) The Gospel and life are full of paradoxes, and perhaps the most central paradox of all is that we are acceptable to God just as we are but we also are commanded to be perfect, as Matthew 5:48 says. Our teaching of this need for perfection, I believe, is the biggest stumbling block to an acceptance of the grace that so fully he profers us – not that we believe in perfection but that we don’t teach it the way it was meant by Jesus in that verse. We tend to accept the Mosaic Law view of perfection – a view that equates perfection with being mistake-free (like a test that requires 100% to be given a passing grade). For that reason, whenever we make a mistake, large or small, we feel guilty and worthless and unworthy and not acceptable to God. Often, this occurs even when our mistakes are the direct result of things we inherited from just being born.

However, the footnote for Matthew 5:48 frames perfection very differently. It says that to be perfect is to be “complete, whole, fully developed” – and, interestingly, that Jesus was NOT an example of that when it was given. Notice that ONLY Heavenly Father is listed as an example of perfection in that verse.

It also is difficult to accept grace when we are focused on not letting others see our weaknesses and struggles. Pres. Uchtdorf also compared the church to a showroom for cars and a repair shop. He said church meetings aren’t supposed to be a showroom; they are supposed to be a repair shop. My father used to say that warts only can be healed if they are exposed and treated – if we let other people see them. I believe in wearing nice clothing to church to show respect, but when we put on our Sunday best and carefully apply makeup before we go, others only see us as if we were in a showroom – and they never see our warts – and they think they are the only people in church who have warts – and they feel guilty and worthless – and the perfection cycle continues.

5) This brings me to the way we tend to explain things in terms of parables. In “Believing Christ”, Stephen Robinson gives the parable of the bicycle – in which a girl asks her dad if she can have a bike. He tells her that she can have a bike if she saves every penny she earns until she can afford one. She returns after some time with 61 cents and says she has saved all of her money and asks, again, if she can have a bike. Her father takes pity on her and buys the bike for her, even though her money doesn’t not come close to covering the actual cost.

I appreciate the point Brother Robinson makes that God will give us the bike even if we can’t pay for it on our own, but I like a different parable. I believe he provided a vehicle for us (a way to go where he wants us to go) in his first plan before we were born and simply asks us to accept it and do our best to learn to operate it – to try to drive where he wants to take us. The vehicle is free, as is the license to drive it; all that is required of us is to get behind the wheel and drive. When we get into an accident, he asks us to learn from the experience, get back behind the wheel and continue to drive. He doesn’t care how many accidents we have (or, even, as the parable of the workers says, when we start driving); he only cares that we accept the gift of the vehicle and drive. I believe he will let us drive until we reach our final destination, no matter how long that takes. After all, he has time and all eternity to be patient and extend his love.

Truly, even after all we can do, it still is by grace that we are saved.

6) I want to spend the last few minutes talking about how, in order to be full participants in divine grace, we need to extend to others the same grace we receive from HF and Jesus.

We are invited to become like God, and being gracious is perhaps the ultimate goal in that process. I am concerned that we are not as accepting and loving toward others as God is toward us. If he offers his grace to ALL of his children, and if Jesus spent his ministry serving the people who were rejected and shunned by the religious people of his day, I am convinced we should be more like him and less like the leaders who avoided the sinners and the sick and the despised. If we are full of grace, we will not turn anyone away; we will embrace all and love them actively and fervently, no matter what mistakes we believe they are making; we will help them on our collective journey through life; we will ride with them, together, side-by-side. If someone stumbles into our Sacrament Meeting, reeking of alcohol – or wearing what we deem to be totally inappropriate clothing – or holding hands with someone we think they should not love in that way – or any other image that comes naturally to our minds when we picture a sinner- in those situations, I pray we can be grace-filled and thank God they found us rather than ask why they are here. We judge too much, too quickly, too harshly and too stereotypically – and I believe Jesus would say, simply:

I loved and served them when nobody else would. Why won’t you do the same? They have my grace; why can’t they have yours? Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Brothers and sisters, may we be gracious to all around us, as God is gracious to us, is my prayer.

[Anonymous]

I was also assigned to speak yesterday with the topic being continuing revelation (not especially my favorite topic). I write talks longer than necessary in case it ever happens that I have more than the allotted time (which has not yet happened, but will if I don’t do it) and I mark more important things for when I have less than the allotted time (which always happens) and I do an edited version for when I have a lot less than the allotted time (which sometimes happens). Yesterday was plan B, the highlighted version and I’ll only do an outline here.

I pointed out that three Articles of Faith directly speak to revelation (5, 7 & 9) and that the belief in continuing revelation is one of the main things that sets us apart from most other churches/religions. I read the following quote from Boyd K. Packer:

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Revelation continues in the Church: the prophet receiving it for the Church; the president for his stake, his mission, or his quorum; the bishop for his ward; the father for his family; the individual for himself.

I told them Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk on the two types of revelation (personal and priesthood) and read the following quote:

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In the personal line we pray directly to our Heavenly Father, and He answers us by the channels He has established, without any mortal intermediary. We pray to our Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, and He answers us through His Holy Spirit and in other ways. The mission of the Holy Ghost is to testify of the Father and the Son, to guide us into truth, and to show us all things we should do. This personal line of communication with our Heavenly Father through His Holy Spirit is the source of our testimony of truth, of our knowledge, and of our personal guidance from a loving Heavenly Father. It is an essential feature of His marvelous gospel plan, which allows each one of His children to receive a personal witness of its truth.

I told them most of us have at some point had at least some form of this revelation and it is most often where our testimonies come from.

In the long version I had included a rather lengthy discussion of Oliver Cowdery and D&C sections 8 and 9, which I condensed to referring to the burning in the bosom/stupor of thought as being the main reference to personal revelation, but I pointed out these revelations were specifically for Oliver Cowdery, that they specifically referred to translation which Oliver never actually accomplished, and that these are included in D&C as a guide to us, not how revelation would necessarily work for us. I testified that I have had spiritual experiences and spiritual witnesses but that I had never experienced what I would call a “burning in the bosom” or a stupor of thought. (Since section 8 references to Oliver Cowdery’s gifts, I had included a discussion of gifts using D&C 46 in the long version, pointing out that for some of us it is given to believe and not all have all gifts, but I skipped that section).

I then quoted President Eyring and Elder Oaks respectively:

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That personal revelation of acceptance, for which we all long, does not come easily, nor does it come simply for the asking. The Lord gave this standard for the capacity to receive such witnesses from God. It is a guide for anyone seeking personal revelation, as we all must.

President Eyring Continued :

Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. (D&C 121:45)

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Revelations from God—the teachings and directions of the Spirit—are not constant. We believe in continuing revelation, not continuous revelation. We are often left to work out problems without the dictation or specific direction of the Spirit. That is part of the experience we must have in mortality.

I told them that revelation is not necessarily a single awe inspiring event, that it is usually subtle like dew.

I told them Heavenly Father doesn’t want to solve all of our problems for us and that part of our mortal experience is to think and learn for ourselves.

I referenced 2 Nephi 28:30 “line upon line” and then 1 Cor 13 starting in verse 8 (when I was a child and seeing through a glass darkly).

I told them that each of us are at different places in what we understand and that our understanding is often clouded by our own experiences, and that just because someone else has a testimony of something doesn’t mean we’re bad or sinful or unworthy – but all things we need would be revealed in the Lord’s time. (This, and the following quotes, was the only thing that elicited any comment afterwards, from a sister who thanked me because she always sits there in F&TM wondering why everyone else knows all these things and she doesn’t. I assured her she was OK, that even the prophets admit they don’t know everything and that her testimony was what she needed.)

John Taylor:

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Adam’s revelation did not instruct Noah to build his ark; nor did Noah’s revelation tell Lot to forsake Sodom; nor did either of these speak of the departure of the children of Israel from Egypt. These all had revelations for themselves.

Brigham Young:

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The greatest fear I have is that the people of this Church will accept what we say as the will of the Lord without first praying about it and getting the witness within their own hearts that what we say is the word of the Lord.

Pres. Uchtdorf:

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The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a place for people with all kinds of testimonies. There are some members of the Church whose testimony is sure and burns brightly within them. Others are still striving to know for themselves. The Church is a home for all to come together, regardless of the depth or the height of our testimony. I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, “Your testimony must be this tall to enter.”

I told them revelation was a personal thing and to not worry about the revelations other members receive or their own perceived lack of testimony and emphasized that God gives each of us what we need in the time we need it.

I briefly touched on the priesthood line of revelation with a quote from Elder Oaks and left it at that.

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Unlike the personal line, in which our Heavenly Father communicates with us directly through the Holy Ghost, the priesthood line of communication has the additional and necessary intermediaries of our Savior, Jesus Christ; His Church; and His appointed leaders.

Because of what He accomplished by His atoning sacrifice, Jesus Christ has the power to prescribe the conditions we must fulfill to qualify for the blessings of His Atonement. That is why we have commandments and ordinances. That is why we make covenants. That is how we qualify for the promised blessings. They all come through the mercy and grace of the Holy One of Israel….The priesthood line is the channel by which God has spoken to His children through the scriptures in times past. And it is this line through which He currently speaks through the teachings and counsel of living prophets and apostles and other inspired leaders.

I bore witness that my own testimony has its ups and downs, but talked about my Spiritual witness of Joseph Smith’s First Vision as an investigator many years ago, testifying that I believe Joseph was a prophet. I said I also believe in Jesus Christ and that I believe Jesus Christ, and quoted from “I Know That My Redeemer Lives.” I told them were are taught that no one can know that Jesus is the Christ except by the Holy Ghost and that is where my testimony comes from – nevertheless to some it is given only to believe the testimonies of others.

[Anonymous]

Thank you both. I am in such need of the hope your talks bring. I love knowing that part of our discussions here get carried forward through your words. I also appreciate you posting them, the past couple of weeks of church talks have been brow beaters about all we haven’t done. In my life presently I don’t need anyone else’s list, I have a long list of what I haven’t done already written.

[Anonymous]

I spoke yesterday on the topic “What is fasting?” Between two talks that lasted longer than anticipated and an intermediate hymn that took a while to start, I had five minutes left. Afterward, I realized that was a good thing, since it allowed me to focus on the heart of the message I wanted to give.

I started by mentioning how important it is to understand what something means in order to live it properly. I used reverence as an example by saying that I could be sitting silently in church and be totally irreverent. Reverence means “deep respect, worship, adoration, etc.” – and I could be thinking about sports or my job or any other topic that did not make me reverent. I also pointed out that some of our hymns are supposed to be sung “confidently”, “with vigor”, “enthusiastically” – and many of them are sung best when sung loudly. Those songs, when done appropriately, are sung reverently – since they convey deep respect, adoration, worship, etc.

(If I’d had more time, I would have used modesty as another example.)

I told everyone that I had planned on reading Isaiah 58, which I highly recommend and see as the best explanation of what fasting is and is not, but that, given the time constraints, I would summarize the central message, instead. I first said that I don’t think God cares one bit about us not eating when we can choose to eat, in and of itself, and that fasting is not supposed to equal not eating – just like reverence does not equal being quiet or silent. With that, I focused on Isaiah 58.

The first few verses explain why Israel was condemned for the way it fasted. They abstained from food but simultaneously continued to oppress the poor – and performed their normal labors – etc. Fasting changed nothing about their practices and their lives. They also fasted for their own benefit, including making it an obvious sign of their righteousness. In fact, by wearing sackcloth and using ashes, they put on disguises that made them appear to be poor – a rank form of hypocrisy.

The rest of the verses focus on the pure intent of fasting: helping the poor, the afflicted, the imprisoned, etc. In other words, fasting is supposed to help people who generally don’t understand poverty and hunger in a powerful way forge a link with people who don’t have the luxury of choosing to fast – who go without food regularly and without end in sight – who would never dream of making a show of their poverty – etc. In a way, it is similar to temple work, which is supposed to connect our hearts with our ancestors in a unique and eternally-binding way and help us respect, understand and love them differently than we could without that concept.

I emphasized that if we are not feeling connected to the most poor and needy – the truly destitute among us and throughout the world, in some way and to some degree, we are not fasting as it is meant to be. If we are not becoming more Christ-like in how we interact with those who are hungry and marginalized and outcast and demeaned and ridiculed and “stand in need of comfort” in some way, we are missing entirely the foundational reason why we are supposed to fast. If we are not receiving the suffering of the poor, we are not fulfilling a pure fast. I said there are legitimate reasons why we should fast at times for certain blessings in our own lives, but that if we make ourselves the center of most of our fasts we are, in a real way, no different than the Israelites in Isaiah 58.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Ray. I know what I am reading tonight.

[Anonymous]

I was assigned to speak about keeping the Sabbath this past Sunday. FWIW, these assignments were made well ahead of the current Sabbath push but the timing was good. Several people came up to me afterwards and said how much the ward needed to hear this talk. here’s a summary:

I started by reading the accounts of Jesus instituting the sacrament in the Bible and the Book of Mormon, followed by D&C 27 about the sacrament. I told them it was clear we were supposed to take the sacrament in remembrance of Christ. I then quoted lines from several hymns (146, 148, 190, 176) mentioning the sacrament/Sabbath/remembrance.

I said I was going to ask why we’re here, but that there are a variety of reasons people are here and I modified the question to ask what God’s purpose in us being there was. I told them it wasn’t to hear talks, sing hymns, pray, or go to other meetings, although all those things are good – we’re there to take the sacrament. I then quoted D&C 59:9-10 and used the following quote from a 2008 conference address by Elder Oaks:

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The ordinance of the sacrament makes the sacrament meeting the most sacred and important meeting in the Church. It is the only Sabbath meeting the entire family can attend together. Its content in addition to the sacrament should always be planned and presented to focus our attention on the Atonement and teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.

…I sense that some in the rising generation and even some adults have not yet come to understand the significance of this meeting and the importance of individual reverence and worship in it….

…During sacrament meeting—and especially during the sacrament service—we should concentrate on worship and refrain from all other activities, especially from behavior that could interfere with the worship of others. Even a person who slips into quiet slumber does not interfere with others. Sacrament meeting is not a time for reading books or magazines. Young people, it is not a time for whispered conversations on cell phones or for texting persons at other locations. When we partake of the sacrament, we make a sacred covenant that we will always remember the Savior. How sad to see persons obviously violating that covenant in the very meeting where they are making it.

I then told them that the training had taken place at the stake level and was happening in the wards and quoted Elder Ballard from the training:

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Of all of the organizational or policy changes or doctrinal training that could hasten the work of salvation at this time, we’ve determined that elevating the spirit and power of the Sabbath day would be most influential in drawing members and families closer to the Lord Jesus Christ.

followed by this quote from Elder Holland:

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This is the most conspicuous and certainly the most repeatable ordinance in the church and I’m not sure we think of it that way…This is a very personal ordinance. This is the only ordinance really that we repeat for ourselves.

I told them the sacrament is a personal experience and we shouldn’t be concerned with what others do or don’t do during the sacrament, but that we should be respectful of those want to have a quiet experience free from distraction.

I quoted Elder Andersen from the training:

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The title renewing our baptismal covenants is not found in the scriptures. It is not inappropriate, many of you have used it talks, we have used it in talks, but it is not something that is used in the scriptures and it can’t be the keynote of what we say about the sacrament. Spirituality is not stagnant and neither are covenants. … what we pray is that all of us as members are moving along a progressive growth both in our spirituality and in our covenants. Covenants bring not only commitments but they bring spiritual power. We should teach our members that we are moving toward our Heavenly Father. The sacrament is a beautiful time to not just renew our baptismal covenants but to commit to him to renew all our co

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venants, all our promises, and to approach him in a spiritual power that we did not have previously as we move forward.

I reiterated that the sacrament is more than just renewing our covenants and asked rhetorically what else it is about, then read Matthew’s account of the institution of the sacrament, and referenced back to the Nephites and how the word remember or remembrance is used frequently, and pointed out we are supposed to remember the sacrifice of the Savior. The I referenced the prayers and noted they speak of taking upon us the name of Christ and witnessing our willingness to God to do these things. I concluded that part by saying the sacrament is the most important thing we do on the Sabbath and testifying of the sacrament, followed by Elder Cook from the training:

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The sacrament service should be a spiritual experience, inspiring us to remember [Christ], keep HIs commandments, and have His Spirit to be with us.

I told them our stake president quoted 2 Nephi 25 (we talk of Christ….) and then asked do we? I told them he counseled us that if a talk or topic is not Christ centered we should consider whether it is appropriate for sacrament meeting. I told them our stake leadership thinks we could do better and speaking about Christ, teaching Christ, and testifying of Christ in all of our meetings, but especially sacrament meeting. I ask how we cold go wrong by emphasizing the Savior more? I asked what about topics in Sunday School and PH/RS about tithing or family history and bore testimony that if we look in the scriptures we can relate any core gospel principle to Christ.

I said the training included keeping the Sabbath at church and at home and quoted Elder Nelson from last conference:

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How do we hallow the Sabbath day? In my much younger years, I studied the work of others who had compiled lists of things to do and things not to do on the Sabbath. It wasn’t until later that I learned from the scriptures that my conduct and my attitude on the Sabbath constituted a sign between me and my Heavenly Father. With that understanding, I no longer needed lists of dos and don’ts. When I had to make a decision whether or not an activity was appropriate for the Sabbath, I simply asked myself, “What sign do I want to give to God?” That question made my choices about the Sabbath day crystal clear.

I told them how I admired the Jewish Sabbath observance but not all of the rules that orthodox Jews have for the observance and quoted Pres. Uchtdorf from 2009:

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How do we become true disciples of Jesus Christ? The Savior Himself provided the answer with this profound declaration: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” This is the essence of what it means to be a true disciple: those who receive Christ Jesus walk with Him. But this may present a problem for some because there are so many “shoulds” and “should nots” that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles—many coming from uninspired sources—complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda. One person’s good idea—something that may work for him or her—takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of “good ideas.” This was one of the Savior’s criticisms of the religious “experts” of His day, whom He chastised for attending to the hundreds of minor details of the law while neglecting the weightier matters.

I told them it could become very easy to make lists of rules for that Sabbath but I didn’t think that’s what the purpose of the Sabbath is, and quoted from Mark 2 (the Sabbath was made for man…). I said the Sabbath is your day and my day and what I consider restful or worshipful on the Sabbath may not match what you think. I told them I wasn;t concerned with what anyone else did on the Sabbath, and nobody else should be concerned with what I do and like so many other things Sabbath observance is between the individual and God and used Exodus 31:12-12 and Ezekiel 20:20 to illustrate the point.

I closed with Elder Cook from the training:

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Brothers and sisters can you help us give back the sacrament meeting to the Savior? …our prayer and our hope is that the same feelings that emanate from these scriptures can be captured across the church in sacrament meetings where we rejoice and worship God the Father and Jesus Christ our Savior and Redeemer.

[Anonymous]

Well done DJ.

Two weeks ago we did our Stake Day of Service. The head high council guy of our committee is new. On the day of the event we were closing up and someone said, “We’ll meet next week to go over everything?” He shook his head and said, “No. My wife has a goal to cut church meetings in half.” Everyone looked a bit stunned. Then he went on to say. The only meeting we should have is Sacrament Meeting – it’s the only place entire families can do ordinances together. Every other meeting is overkill.

I don’t know if my Stake President agree’s, but I was jumping up and down with Brother New Guy. He can’t fix everything but he is a voice. Go High Councilors.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t speak this month, but the High Councilor who spoke in my home ward gave a wonderful address about loving service.

He began by stating, slowly and clearly, that reading scriptures, praying, attending church meetings, attending the temple, etc. don’t mean anything if we don’t have charity and if we aren’t willing to serve and help others in need, no matter their situations or circumstances. He mentioned political affiliation, race, religion and sexual orientation as things that should not influence our love and service of others.

It truly was a wonderful talk.

[Anonymous]

I was assigned to talk today about Mariage and Family. The following is the general outline and content of my talk:

First, at the risk of further embarrassing your good Bishop, I appreciate the mistake he made earlier when he announced the wrong opening hymn. I have made far worse mistakes from the pulpit, and those mistakes actually are a good introduction to the topic I have been assigned.

Second, I don’t want this talk to be a downer in any way, but I have felt impressed to address my topic in a way that will not be traditional and might seem depressing at first. I hope this approach was inspired and can help someone here today in some way.

There are a lot of tension points in the Church and the Gospel that deal with our desire to teach what we see as the ideal while living lives that are not ideal. We say there is opposition in all things, but I’m not sure we understand how true that is. As an example, we teach that reverence, including quietude, is important for proper worship, but we also bring our little children with us to our worship services each week – and we all know those two things often are incompatible.

Ideal vs. Reality (caterpillar / butterfly)

I love the analogy of a caterpillar to resurrection and the Atonement (a creature that lives, seems to die and then emerges as a whole new, beautiful creature), but I have been struck by another application of caterpillars as metaphors for our lives. We often describe caterpillars as “ugly” and “worthless” prior to their metamorphosis into butterflies, simply because of our perception of what beauty and worth mean – but caterpillars are of great worth ecologically and can be seen as beautiful in a very real way by those who are willing to see them that way. How we talk about them is dependent totally on our view of them, NOT on anything objective about their individual lives.

It is important to accept and value the caterpillars as caterpillars and not just future butterflies – and this applies directly to my topic today: marriage and family.

1) I have been blessed greatly in the area of marriage and family (described that a bit), but I know many faithful, sincere, wonderful, worthy members who have struggled in many ways with their marriages and family situations. Let me tell you about a few of them.

a) Sister Renlund (from “Just Call Me Ruth”) – only having one child in a Church culture that can be dismissive and even derisive toward those with no children or only one child.

b) friend whose husband got addicted to prescription medication and ruined his life and their marriage, causing her to become a single mother who heard (along with her children) over and over again in church how broken and non-ideal her life and family was.

c) friend in her 50’s who has never married and hears regularly that she is lacking worth as an ideal Mormon woman because she is not a mother.

d) young man who is one of the most talented, good-looking, smart, kind-hearted, Christian people I know who walked out of church one day and never returned because a high counselor said people like him (gay) are enemies and are destroying the world. This young man believes he has no realistic chance to have our ideal marriage and family.

e) a dedicated Relief Society President who finally left the man she had married in the temple who subjected her to years of terrible abuse.

I have no idea why I have been blessed so much in this regard, but I do know it has nothing to do with being more righteous or better in any way than those without the blessings I have experienced. What I have come to believe about marriage and family, given my exposure to so much suffering and fervent faith of others, is the heart of my talk today.

I appreciated the intermediate hymn today, “Where can I turn for peace?” I believe we have two places to which we can turn: the divine (our Heavenly Parents and Jesus, our Savior and Redeemer) and to each other. I want to focus on our responsibilities to each other with regard to marriage and family.

1) Help each other become what we desire to become (Perfect = complete, whole, fully developed) in our own unique situations and as a community, no matter the structure of our individual marriages and families.

2) The ideal of the Proclamation to the World (equal partners, helping each other in all aspects of marriage), applies to our interactions with everyone, not just to spouses.

3) Ward as family (hospital ward and automobile repair shop)

4) Advice to those with “ideal” and “non-ideal” families

a) To those who struggle, listen to those who express gratitude for family and marital blessing with kindness and charity, even when those expressions sometimes hurt. We don’t mean to hurt others in those situations, and it is important to express thanks and gratitude. As a friend once said, “Bear my joy a while.”

b) To those who don’t struggle, express thanks for your blessings but be aware of those who might be hurt by your words. Accept them and their lives as valuable and worthy, and never, ever, ever judge them personally based on their situations. Truly, there but for the grace of God go you, and they have much to teach and contribute to you personally and the Church as a whole.

Seeing all as children of God (why we call each other brothers and sisters) – Atlanta temple experience when the Lord was black

Zion is possible within our ward families, but it is possible only when we see each other as beautiful caterpillars, first and foremost, and we love and serve each other no matter what, without exception. Each of us is loved by God right now, for who we are, not just for whom we may become. As we come to church, often carefully clothed and groomed and made-up in ways that mask our struggles and brokenness, may we see past those facades and love each other in that same way – for our humanity and not despite it. May we model among ourselves as a ward what marriage and family are meant to be ideally.

That is one way we can comfort those who stand in need of comfort rather than heaping more discomfort upon their heads. That is one way we can talk of marriage and family in a way that uplifts and heals rather than oppresses and hurts. That is the heart of the Gospel of Jesus, of Nazareth – true, deep, unconditional love, acceptance and service.

[Anonymous]

Wow – You left no stone unturned. I missed Sacrament Meeting today, lucky for me this covered it. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I spoke today about gratitude. My daughter is sick, so I don’t have time to do a full outline or summary, so the following is a condensed version:

Colossians 2:6-7 – “abounding therein with thanksgiving”

Two-edged sword – (Ammonihah = gratitude on steroids; public acknowledgment can be boastful, especially when righteousness is implied, and can hurt those who don’t share the same blessings [talk on marriage and family last week as example])

Gratitude does not mean constant happiness. Life is difficult and brings trials and grief – moments that make gratitude hard. Also, biological issues like depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety, etc. can inhibit one’s ability to feel gratitude and joy. None of those things constitute sin. I pray that nothing I say will add in any way to the burdens carried by anyone here today.

Being grateful also does not mean we have to be thankful for our trials themselves. Rather, it means being thankful for what we learn from those trials. Let me give two examples of what I mean:

My mother’s schizophrenia (not grateful for it but grateful for what I learned as a result of it)

Friend from Cincinnati whose adult daughter died in freak accident during routine surgery (He wasn’t grateful she died, but he was grateful he was able to draw closer to God as a result. Nobody should ever say he should be grateful for that trial.)

I hope nobody here feels unworthy in some way if you can’t thank God for a particular trial, but I also hope you can be thankful, now or in the future, for what you will learn as a result of that trial.

Three degrees of love, gratitude and service: God = telestial; friends / same (including family) = terrestrial; enemies / different (including family) = celestial

Michelle’s weekly blessing list that has helped her see and recognize her blessings as they happen, rather than only in hindsight

My blessing list (Due to time constraints, only “For the Strength of the Hills” and a description of John Daniel Malan’s sacrifice for his testimony.)

Definition of praise and honor in our theology being centered on doing and becoming – need to show gratitude and not just to verbalized it (although saying it is critical, too)

Plan of Happiness works for some people; Plan of Salvation works better for other people. I pray I can help everyone be grateful as a result of their interactions with me, whether pursuing happiness or receiving salvation is more powerful to them.

Invitation to count our blessings every day and then work to bless others – to show our gratitude in visible, tangible ways

[Anonymous]

I’ve got to teach Relief Society this coming Sunday (Teachings for Our Times lesson). The topic is supposed to be Dieter Uchtdorf’s conference talk called “It Works Wonderfully!” “It,” of course, is the gospel. I’ve been staring at my computer for two days now and haven’t thought of a good way to approach this. When the gospel is working just marginally for me, particularly in light of the new policy, I just don’t know what I can say without being a total hypocrite. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I think you can read some of these quotes and make people think by asking them:

Quote:

But I also recognize that there are some who have a less-than-fulfilling experience—who feel that their membership in the Church sometimes isn’t quite what they had hoped for.

This saddens me because I know firsthand how the gospel can invigorate and renew one’s spirit—how it can fill our hearts with hope and our minds with light. I know for myself how the fruits of the gospel of Jesus Christ can transform lives from the ordinary and dreary to the extraordinary and sublime.

But why does it seem to work better for some than for others? What is the difference between those whose experience in the Church fills their souls with songs of redeeming love2 and those who feel that something is lacking?

We all know people in our ward that don’t feel like coming to church anymore. But do we UNDERSTAND them? Or do we just write them off as “lost sheep”? We should try to understand. And we should try to make a safe, welcoming place for all to come, whether they think different than us or not. If the church isn’t working for some…maybe its how we run things in the church.

Check out the talk “People to People” by David B Haight. Use quotes from that to show how some people don’t find it working, and what changes their minds.

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

Check out the talk “People to People” by David B Haight. Use quotes from that to show how some people don’t find it working, and what changes their minds.

Thank you! I’m going to do that right now!

[Anonymous]

Katzpur – I second Heber13 thought. Also use other Uchtdorf talks about inclusion, not judging, etc. I also posted and LDS Living article yesterday, you could probably cheat and mention that you happened to read it at the same time you were prepping the lesson and use some quotes. Lastly Chieko Okazaki has some great quotes and pieces on inclusion. You can drop my FMH to get those lessons or face book Chieko Okazaki. Good luck.

[Author]

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