- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Hello my first post here :wave: , my name is ThomasI had an unpleasant experience with the Church a few years ago. Due to complications with my daughters birth she didn’t breath on her own for 10 minutes and we felt truly blessed that she came out of that traumatic birth completely unharmed.
At the time we had resigned from the Church over some historical issues, but were trying to give things another shot and were speaking with the Bishop regularly.
We felt it was important to get our daughter blessed in sacrament meeting, so we asked if the Bishop would be ok with us asking a priesthood holder to perform the blessing.
The response after consultation with the Stake President was a firm no. We were told it wasn’t a saving ordinance and we could have a blessing at home if we wanted instead, but the naming a child was done purely to create a record linked to parents and as we weren’t members it couldn’t be done.
I told the Bishop that Jesus would never do such a thing, quoting suffer the little children to come unto me and deny them not, but they wouldn’t budge. A few ward members said privately it was terrible but no-one said anything to those that made the decision.
After a conversation with my previous Bishop now, on 2nd term as Stake President in my old stake I was told there was no reason why it couldn’t be done.
To this day I haven’t had an apology and I still can’t wrap my head around their decision.
After this my mother in law, resigned, and my wife never went back. I eventually got re-baptised a few years later. I forgive the individuals in question and I feel in my heart that this is not what the Saviour would have wanted.
My wife and mother in law are still understandably quite hostile about the whole thing. As such my wife doesn’t want to go near the Church and doesn’t want the children to go. There is no public transport to the ward and I can’t drive for medical reasons.
I can’t discuss the Church in my home without it causing hurt and it is impossible for me to attend Church. I fell very sad as in spite of the bad things about the Church I find some spirituality there which I haven’t found anywhere else.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thomas
Sorry to hear that. It reminds me of a much more serious version of this situation — a woman wanted to marry a non-member in the chapel. The Bishopric said “no” but they could get married in the kitchen! I have had my own struggles with untoward decisions by local leaders. And I understand the hurt and the feelings it can spawn.
I would focus on your own relationship with the gospel and church. You can still go to church (hopefully, hitch a ride with someone) and develop your own spirituality within it. Don’t try to change your family or cause strife with it. Just live it to the best you are able, individually.
That can have an impact on changing other’s hearts, when conducted with a huge dose of patience on your part.
Welcome. There are a lot of people here who can empathize with you and your situation. As I tend to do, I will be a bit more analytical than others, especially since you asked what you can do now. Emotional situations are difficult, especially in the moment. My heart goes out to you, and all I can offer is Monday morning quarterbacking. 1) Your first Bishop and Stake President were wrong, I believe, in the spirit of the rule – even if they had a logical, letter of the law reason for not letting you bless your child. Normally, non-members don’t ask to bless their children in church, so I’m sure it wasn’t something they had ever considered. They took the legalistic approach and not the humane approach – and, while I can’t condemn them for that decision, I certainly wish they had allowed the blessing.
2) You were wrong to throw the Jesus card at them, even if you might have been right. (and I say “might” because there is no indication Jesus approved of people entering the temple, for example, who weren’t “authorized” to do so – which is a better analogy to your situation than merely letting them approach him publicly) Playing the Jesus card generally is a progress stopper in any conversation, since it implicitly calls the other people unchristian and automatically makes them more inclined to dig in and fight.
3) When you say “to this day”, I don’t know how much time has elapsed – but if it is more than a few months, at most, you are holding a grudge that will never disappear if you don’t let go of it. The people who made the decision made the best decision they were able to make – and probably (since I don’t know) decent – good people who didn’t and still don’t realize they had another choice. Expecting them to apologize to you is like them expecting you to apologize to them: Ain’t going to happen, unless you let go of your anger and bitterness and can see them more charitably. Holding them to that expectation is pointless and unrealistic – and continuing to see them in extremely negative terms if pointless and damaging to you.
What can you do?
Forgive them and get on with your life – and try to let your example help others who were hurt by the decision learn to forgive, as well. Even if other people can’t or don’t seem to be able to rise above and be more Christian, you have an obligation to try to do so – regardless of any future outcome or not.
In the end, this is about YOU, not them. It’s important to realize and accept that.
If you are interested, I wrote the following post yesterday on my personal blog – and it addresses directly part of my response in my previous comment: “
It’s Not about Jesus; It’s about You and Me” ( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2014/07/its-not-about-jesus-its-about-you-and-me.html The timing is almost eerie.
🙂 I’m sorry for your experience and the pain it caused you and your family. Honestly, I can see both sides of the issue – both times the leader was right, there is no reason it couldn’t have been done yet there’s also no reason to have it done. I realize many converts, especially of the Catholic/Orthodox/Church of England variety have trouble letting go of the baptism/blessing of babies idea as a necessity. Truth is, your child was no better or worse off either way in LDS doctrine, and from one other point of view blessing the child would have created a record for someone who was likely going to end up inactive and someone for the clerks and EQP to hunt down every few years. That said, you have apparently moved on (although there is still some understandable bitterness evident in your words). Like SD said, live the gospel yourself. In most places it’s not too difficult to find someone to bring you to church as long as they know you want to come and will be ready without standing them up after going out of their way to help you. You could let your bishop or home teacher know you need help attending.
It was almost 5 years ago, I have a lovely 5 year old and another 2 year old now 
I have forgiven the individuals concerned, I don’t bear them any ill will, I still don’t understand how they arrived at their decision though.
I have trouble even getting a lift to Church. My wife is at home with the kids all week whilst I work and get upset if I disappear for the best part of 4 hours on a Sunday especially when its for the Church that hurt our family.
My wife also says she feels betrayed by my attending the Church so I tend to live the gospel pretty much secretly even in my own home.
I did take my daughter along once, the primary president went crackers at the fact she was holding onto a teddy she takes everywhere with her, and made her give it up. Now she point blank refuses to come to Church with me.*facepalm*
It even caused a row the last time I went home teaching, damned if I do and damned if I don’t at the moment.
Thanks for the blog link. I’ll have a look.
:thumbup: Yeah, that is really tough. I feel for you. All I can offer is that you need to do what’s best for yourself and your family – no matter what others might think or say. That is small comfort in the midst of difficulty, but I do believe it’s all God requires.
As to why they reached their decision, I like DJ’s comment. They probably didn’t want to create a record for someone they believed would never attend, be baptized, etc. – and a baby blessing in the LDS Church does cause the creation of a record. I’d love to see that change for children whose parents don’t want a record created – but, really, how often is a child like that going to be blessed, anyway? I don’t like creating rules to cover exceptions (since I think we have WAY too many of those in the Church already), so I think I have to be okay with the current status quo with this one.
If you can’t go to church, then focus on your spirituality at home. Watch LDS movies in your spare time, read the scriptures, pray, and hold family home evening on Mormon-neutral topics with your family’s buy in. Offer to do some kind of remote service in your Ward such as letter-writing or something else that can be done remotely….. Old-Timer wrote:They probably didn’t want to create a record for someone they believed would never attend, be baptized, etc. – and a baby blessing in the LDS Church does cause the creation of a record.
This is a case where I think it would be best if the church dropped its administrative orientation and did something that could upflift a former member (who, by the way, eventually was rebaptized). If I ever get back into church leadership again, one thing I will do is stop letting the numbers dictate the pressure I feel as a leader — to achieve. It’s the only way to peace.
SilentDawning wrote:This is a case where I think it would be best if the church dropped its administrative orientation and did something that could upflift a former member (who, by the way, eventually was rebaptized). If I ever get back into church leadership again, one thing I will do is stop letting the numbers dictate the pressure I feel as a leader — to achieve. It’s the only way to peace.
+1
Someone, somewhere will worry about the numbers and push that worry down the leadership hierarchy but that doesn’t mean that I have to continue to push that worry further down the chain. It can end with me.
DarkJedi wrote:Honestly, I can see both sides of the issue – both times the leader was right, there is no reason it couldn’t have been done yet there’s also no reason to have it done. I realize many converts, especially of the Catholic/Orthodox/Church of England variety have trouble letting go of the baptism/blessing of babies idea as a necessity. Truth is, your child was no better or worse off either way in LDS doctrine, and from one other point of view blessing the child would have created a record for someone who was likely going to end up inactive and someone for the clerks and EQP to hunt down every few years.
While technically correct I’d counter with: but the family wanted it. A baby blessing also blesses the mother even though hands are never laid on her head. It may not be a required saving ordinance but it builds faith in a returning family. Unfortunately we can see the fruits of denying the blessing in this case.
I agree that the best path is to let it go, forgive and forget. No one will ever get that decision back. No one will ever be back in that same moment in time with the exact same attitudes held. That said, come to my stake if you have another child.
Welcome to staylds.
As I’ve thought about this and as I’ve read other comments here, I realized these blessings aren’t only for babies. Any child can have the blessing and thus have the record created. In other words, it’s not too late -especially if the leadership has had a change of heart. Quote:I did take my daughter along once, the primary president went crackers at the fact she was holding onto a teddy she takes everywhere with her, and made her give it up. Now she point blank refuses to come to Church with me.*facepalm*
A side point, but OMG, it’s things and people like this PP that will always make places like StayLDS necessary.
:crazy: Sorry, end of freak out.
Quote:
While technically correct I’d counter with: but the family wanted it. A baby blessing also blesses the mother even though hands are never laid on her head. It may not be a required saving ordinance but it builds faith in a returning family. Unfortunately we can see the fruits of denying the blessing in this case.And the number of times I’ve been encouraged by local leaders to keep beating my head against the wall for that faint hope that someone might come back to church, I think they should have applied the same logic to the baby blessing. The spirituality of the event could have triggered testimony and desire for rebaptism, or awakened some kind of desire.
I do believe that local leaders would have discouraged something like blessing the baby of an ex-member or non-member in the church because they would’ve felt responsible for the child for the next 70 years without apparent (at the time) family support. It was keeping the records neat rather than doing what was best for the family.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.