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As some of you may know, I have been very ill for some time now because the US manufacturer of my throid medication changed the formula in April 09 without informing doctors, pharmacists, or patients. This has been very serious and has caused thousands of patients like mself, some bad health problems. Those of you in the medical field understand how not having your thyroid work, can effect you. Well, I finally got the right medication through a Canadian Pharmacy and hope to be better soon. In the meantime, my blood pressure sky rocketed, my Lupus flared up and have been getting the flu and reoccuring infections since June. This has really gotten me down and I had become depressed and very emotional. So, last night our home teacher and former bishop came over to give me a Priesthood blessing. They are very good men and care about our family alot, but do not understand us spiritually. They do not understand why my husband left the church 3 years ago, being in a high councilman position. They do not understand why we doubt and question things. So, before giving me the blessing, our former bishop basically asked me how we could leave the church like we did and how this has affected others in the ward. He told me that we just can’t think about ourselves, but need to think how our actions affect others. Well, that really ticked me off and alot of the stuff I have been keeping bottled up came out. I began sharing some of the things I struggled with in the church and with church history etc. Well, they became very defensive and I then calmed down and said,”I did not want to bring an argumentative spirit into our discussion.” They calmed down then too and told me they did not want that either. I told them what I did have a testimony of and that I only asked them to come over to give me a blessing for my health. They seemed to understand that my health was effecting me emotionally and then said a prayer and gave me a blessing. I thanked them and said that I do hope the blessing gives me the health and comfort that I need right now. I told them I have felt frustrated that I did not feel Gods love and comfort lately through all my trials. When my husband came home I told him what had happened and he layed into me about how I should not have stirred the pot and how he does not want me shaking others testimonies. I told him I did not want that either, but when this came up, it was just too much for me and I had to say something. I told my home teacher and former bishop that there was really no place in the church where those with serious doubts and questions could express themselves. I told them about staylds.com and this was one of the few places one could do that and how greatful I was for this group. So, I wonder if they will check our group out.
My question for you all is: How do you express yourself to people who do care about you in your ward without making them so defensive or shaking their faith?
Oh, what an unfortunate event! It really is sad when stage three TBMers come in to give service (in the form of a blessing), then chase the spirit out with confrontation. Heaven help them…they know not what they do! It really is helpful in my life to look at them as children — not yet understanding certain things — and love them. They are doing the best they can with what they know. With that attitude, it is hard to argue with them; phrases like “I appreciate your concern, but there are things in our life that are hard to explain…and I want to keep the spirit here right now.” If they press, simply say “I understand you are doing what you think is right, but this is between God and me…I will need to work it out myself. Thank you for respecting my privacy.”
The typical Mormon is inherently codependent. He needs to fix and be fixed. You don’t need to buy into that. You can take back your own power by saying things like I mentioned. Only an arrogant fool would continue trying to control you (although I’ve known some…) after you respond with love and in kindness, rather than defensively.
Good luck!
Dear Bridge, Oh thanks for letting me know this.
Oh gosh, we test for Thyroid antibodies (antibodies that the body makes against thyroid proteins). Things have been going crazy. I went off my thyroid medication and just started to gain weight. I can’t figure out if I am depressed because of weight gain or thyroid imbalance. I think that lots of women are having difficulties.
For now, I am on a diet and spending 1/2 to 1 full hour in the gym (very difficult time wise). Moodiness and irritability has effected my spirituality because I seem to be more sensitive to things – political hostility, angry words etc.
Hang in there!!!!! All I can say is that you aren’t alone.
Wow, Bridget, that’s so tough. And, I fear, it could be a future that my wife has to deal with. Who knows? What Rix said is beautiful. I agree completely. The image thing is so, so, so, big in the church. In reality, our actions DON’T affect others. Just like their actions don’t affect us. We allow it to affect us or they allow it to affect them. It’s the individuals choice what one wants to do with any information/knowledge.
Good luck and take care of yourself, in every conceivable way!
How do I express myself? I have been trying to learn how to express myself the best that I can in language that I think others will understand or relate to. Some things you just can’t “burden” them with, that’s the way it is, that’s part of our burden that we’ve been handed and are expected to bear.
Best wishes to you, hang in there!
I am so sorry to hear about your health Bridget_Night. It was nice to hear that people from your ward were willing to come and offer a blessing. It is probably hard sometimes to hold your tongue when you are in pain. We can all be taken off guard like that. It sounds like you and your husband already know the answers, and are very conscious of how you interact with others. It also sounded like you did a great job of taken back control of the situation (within yourself) to calm things and bring the spirit back. How do I personally deal with it? I make sure to explain that I love the Church, and I like being a part of the community. I focus on the positive things. I really do want the Church to be successful. I try to remember that I basically want the same things as those other people want. We just have very different viewpoints and information at times. We’re on the same team though. I think that and say things to communicate that. It works good for me.
Just last Sunday I was meeting with the Bishop privately. He wanted me to ask my wife (who has left the Church in her mind) to come in with me so we can talk to him as a couple. He is a very nice man. I knew him for the past 4+ years before he became Bishop, and he is very realistic and compassionate. He has the best intentions, and explicitly said this was not about any kind of discipline or ecclesiastical issue. He just wanted to see if he could help her. I brought up just one example of a concern though that my wife might discuss, just to see how he would react. I’m sorry… He just had no idea what I was even talking about. He said that he wasn’t really someone that knew much about Church history…
đ„ Anyway. That is what I do personally. I express my positive feelings about the Church at church. I do have them, so I don’t feel dishonest. I just don’t bother talking to people about what I really find interesting unless I know they are someone who can handle the conversation. Most can’t. That’s fine.
swimordie wrote:In reality, our actions DON’T affect others. Just like their actions don’t affect us. We allow it to affect us or they allow it to affect them. It’s the individuals choice what one wants to do with any information/knowledge.
So much truth in so few words.
Thank you all so much for your responses. I guess the server must have been down on this site for a few days as I could not get in. Anyway, some good news. Either the blessing worked or the new medication kicked in or both helped, but I am feelling alive again!!! It is wonderful and I am so happy. I was on the Armour Thyroid for the past 6 years which has worked great for me. It is natural and from pigs, but the reformulation of it by forester labs really screwed thousands over like myself. Many, like me are allergic to the synthetic thyroid meds like synthroid. Anyway, this new Armour thyroid I got from Canada is working and I will give the blessing credit too. I take 90 mgs. If anyone wants the phone number or name of this Canadian pharmacy let me know, as you can no longer get the Armour thyroid in the US. And you all are correct that most members just do not understand where we are coming from. They don’t want their boats rocked. My former bishop had given me the line about ‘how its either all true or all false.” I told him I did not agree. I said Organizations and people can be part true and part false and I try to get personal inspiration to discern what I think is from God. This former bishop is going through heavy stuff right now with his daughter dying of liver cancer at 30 years old and a member of the ward has cheated him out of alot of money and gotten him in trouble with the IRS. So, I guess he does not need me to add to shaking his faith. bridget, that’s wonderful news! I’m so glad you are feeling well. Everything is harder when we don’t feel good. Bridget – so glad you are feeling better. You asked what we say in these types of situations, and I often say something similar to what Swim said – that people are each on their own path. It’s appealing on some level and self-gratifying to believe we are influential for good or bad in the lives of others, but we are not as significant as we believe, either for good or bad. People react to whatever resonates for them because they recognize what is already inside of them. You can shine a light on someone’s interior life, but you don’t make it what it is. That’s up to them. hawkgrrrl wrote:People react to whatever resonates for them because they recognize what is already inside of them.
Amazing truth!
ps-My 2 year old loves your avatar. Whenever he sees it he says “hokgirl, hokgirl!”
Wow – a 2-yr old fan. I’m flattered! In regards to your question, âHow do you express yourself to people who do care about you in your ward without making them so defensive or shaking their faith?â If people know you are sincere and that you love them and value them as they are and not as you would have them be, theyâll take your position more seriously. They will listen. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18
I donât think we need to treat true believers with kid gloves. We shouldnât feel shame in making people more aware of reality. The Church does us no favor by discouraging us from thoughtful exploration. Denial of reality gets us nowhere, because in the end reality always wins. In the same light, we donât do close-minded members a favor by coddling them with âthe standard party line.â
I think we have to be tactful and responsible when we are approached by true believing Mormons, but facts are facts. We don’t have to apologize for the truth. Iâd rather stand in the bright light of reality, than cower in an intellectual cul-de-sac. Unfortunately, the LDS Church promotes the latter. Donât feel bad about promoting the former.
Quote:My question for you all is: How do you express yourself to people who do care about you in your ward without making them so defensive or shaking their faith?
This is something I really struggle with, and I tend to err on the side of biting my tongue and not stirring the pot. Occasionally my tongue starts bleeding and I need to say something, but even then I try to be as conscientious as I can towards others.
One thing I notice people tend to get hung up on is word association. Today in Gospel Doctrine, our instructor (who I’m pretty sure is or has been working through his own disaffection) said when discussing the fall of Lucifer that he didn’t want to be “subordinate” to the Father. One of the members of the class raised his hand and said he was uncomfortable with the word subordinate and preferred the term obedient. I think when meeting with true believers on their turf (at church), it’s important to use words and phrases they’re comfortable with while expressing heterodox ideas.
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