An Observation about Civility in Our Conversations

[Anonymous]

The following posts on my personal blog tomorrow morning. It was NOT written with this forum in mind, as I think we do a pretty good job with the topic it addresses, but I thought I would share it here as a way to share my overall belief about the need for charity within our inter-personal relationships – not so much for civility in and of itself, but more importantly for the internal effects of the effort to be civil. (This also relates in parallel with my focus on parsing, as I believe that is another exercise of charity and civility.)

Quote:

I was blessed to be raised with a mother who never once raised her voice to anyone – not in anger and not in any other way. I can say honestly that I have never heard her condemn anyone, not even those with whom she disagreed. When we did something we shouldn’t have done, she would automatically tear up because of what she feared our actions, if continued, would do to us. Those tears were worse BY FAR than anything my dad did to punish us, but it was not transmitted through a sense of guilt. It came across obviously and strongly as a deep and abiding love for us and concern for who we would become. She simply was (and is) a gentle soul – a “sweet spirit” in the purest sense of that phrase. My dad used to say that if we came home and found everything gone, stolen by someone, my mom would say, “They must need it more than we do” – sincerely and reflexively.

I have a deep and abiding desire for respectful conversation and mutual understanding explicitly because of what I saw my mother live. She was loved, truly and deeply, by everyone who met her, and I wish I was like that more fully.

Elder Wirthlin’s words about accepting all within the orchestra (not just the piccolos) resonated with me largely because of my upbringing, but my experience since beginning to blog also made his words ring clearly to me. I have seen so much contention and bickering and vitriol even among the Saints, and it pains my soul – especially when I know what it does to people. I don’t ask for compassion in commentary simply because of what it does to a conversation; I ask for it also because of what it can do within those who comment.

[Anonymous]

I found this post while doing a word search for “piccolos.” Ray, if I remember correctly your mother was “fragile” in certain respects that your father took great pain to protect her from. I find it beautiful that someone that might need to be shielded from day to day unpleasantness also has such an amazingly clear perspective on love, forgiveness, and kindness (in a word charity). What complex and multifaceted beings are we as children of our Heavenly Father!

P.S. I recognize that I know very little about your parents or your childhood experiences. If I have misrepresented anything in anyway – such was not my intent.

[Anonymous]

Roy, “fragile” is an accurate way to say it.

My mother has a rare form of schizophrenia that only surfaced after the birth of my sisters (twins). We never knew about it growing up – only that she took “sleeping pills” – since those pills worked for the decades of our childhoods. I never appreciated fully the sacrifice my father made for my mother until a few years ago, when her medication stopped working.

If you want to read the post I wrote about my father’s sacrifice, it is:

“My Niece Died This Morning” (http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007/10/my-niece-died-this-morning.html)

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

“My Niece Died This Morning” (http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007 … rning.html)

That is quite powerful and I’m sure very personal, Ray. Thanks for sharing it.

Roy wrote:

I find it beautiful that someone that might need to be shielded from day to day unpleasantness also has such an amazingly clear perspective on love, forgiveness, and kindness (in a word charity).

In pondering this I was wondering if perhaps the same things that made her fragile also contributed to her more refined sense of charity. As though instead of being contradictions, maybe they are two sides of the same coin. In thinking about the diversity of Gifts found among the family of God, some that are quite useful can also be burdensome to those that possess them. What do you think?

Whatever my speculation, it is clear that you have two very real and deep parents that lived their faith through love.

[Author]

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