Another newbie

[Anonymous]

RMsister wrote:

I don’t feel like Heavenly Father disapproves of me. I do what is required, but right now I just can’t bring it up to go the extra mile.

And still somewhere it confuses me completely.

Aren’t I supposed to feel guilty?

Thanks for the follow-up.

I think it is important and valuable that you are able to nurture your connection to Heavenly Father and your spirituality separate and apart from church participation. “Trade Up,” means that if regular church attendance isn’t doing it for you then find something equal to or better to spend your time on – don’t just check out. When you feel confident enough in your own journey, when your legs are strong and your stride is firm, then it is good and proper to return to help other travelers in their journeys.

Old-Timer wrote:

The ideal is to be self-sufficient – but groups are organized to deal with those who are not self-sufficient. That’s vital to understand:

Religions, by their very nature as organizations, are designed to help the non-self-sufficient.

Thus, as individuals become more self-sufficient, they lose more and more their former NEED for the group that cared for them prior to their emerging self-sufficiency. Their only “need” is if they transfer that former need and help others become self-sufficient, also. Otherwise, the group loses its former potency and benefit and becomes something that limits and restricts, instead.

How do I deal with that? I separate “religion” from “theology” and “faith”. I attend a religion to be a help to those who once helped me, and I move “theology” and “faith” into my own, individual sphere.

I attend a religion; I construct a theology; I practice my faith.

I love this thought, it seems to be the essence of what Elder Poelman was trying to say:

Quote:

“As individually and collectively we increase our knowledge, acceptance, and application of gospel principles, we become less dependent on Church programs. Our lives become gospel centered.”

[Anonymous]

RMsister wrote:

So I went to church just to do my calling, take of the sacrament and leave straight thereafter. I thought people would notice, no one does. Now I feel pretty good when I don’t go to church. Or just to do “my thing” and leave. I don’t feel guilty, I don’t feel like Heavenly Father disapproves of me. I do what is required, but right now I just can’t bring it up to go the extra mile. And still somewhere it confuses me completely…Aren’t I supposed to feel guilty?

If you don’t feel guilty maybe there really isn’t any good reason that you should feel guilty. I haven’t paid tithing or had a temple recommend for years and I don’t feel guilty about it at all even though many members would say I should really be ashamed of myself for “robbing God” and for being such a slacker when it comes to the Church. Some people will definitely try to give you a guilt-trip about all kinds of supposed shortcomings if you let them but that doesn’t mean they are right.

[Anonymous]

I agree DA, because as Hawkgrrl often says, what others say about you is really about them, not you.

I think guilt is ungodly. We should either avoid the actions that make us feel guilty, or we should repent and get rid of guilt so it doesn’t burden us…but we should not think we should feel guilty if we don’t.

[Anonymous]

RMSister –

There were a few things that you mentioned that are very familiar issues for me!

Returning Missionaries. I have known plenty of Elders over the years. They go to to the MTC where the spend two weeks being “guilted” and inundated with the Gospel. For the next two years they live a sheltered and overly structured life, repressing most normal human emotions. They attend countless boring “trainings” where “obedience, obedience, obedience” is preached. Suddenly – it’s over and they are headed home on a plane. Thrown back into reality with little or know “debriefing.” Even in the military we take time to educate and “civilianize” our active duty members as they prepare to enter back into the real world. The Church fails to do this. I wish it were different.

Single – I am 31 and still not married. I assume that most people in Church think I am either defective or gay. Neither is true (well, at least I don’t think I am defective). One of my greatest struggles with the Church is that anyone who does not fit the checklist – somehow they are not accepted (completely). This mentality is contrary to the Gospel of Christ. I also have to disagree with the idea that marriage is essential for the highest salvation. I just cannot accept that our Heavenly Father expects every human being to marry and have children? What of those who cannot have children, who have same sex attraction or just don’t want to get married? The idea of marriage as a requirement for exhaltation hints more at a carnal revelation than a spiritual one.

Not noticed at Church. At one point I was active for a long period of time – long enough to start attending the Temple on a regular basis. I was never given a calling (which is fine by me). However, what was hurtful is that I watched new converts roll into the Church and receive callings – almost immediately. I understand the need and tactic to keep new converts active but what about long time members?

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and struggles. It has been refreshing to discover other Saints who refuse to lose their own identities in order to fit the “model.”

Geoff

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and struggles. It has been refreshing to discover other Saints who refuse to lose their own identities in order to fit the “model.”

Count me in this group! My bishop told me I should find another place to worship if I wasnt willing to cut my hair and do everything else he told me 🙄

[Anonymous]

Hi RM Sister,

I want to welcome you as well. I served a mission in Austria for two years when I was 21. I was born in Berlin, Germany and my family immigrated to America when I was 3. European missions are very difficult and it was on my mission that I started struggling with my testimony of the church (not Jesus or the atonement).

Adjusting to coming home is difficult and I understand there is less choices in European wards. But, I am so pleased that you are mature enough to not need another person to feel of value. Being on a mission is a different world and it is difficult to find someone who can relate to what you are going through. I will pray for you to find answers and get direction.

I met my husband after my mission. He was not a member but investigating the church. There is alot of pressure in the church to go to the temple and get your eternal exhaltation and pop out those babies. Feel free to ask me anything.

Bridget

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

I think guilt is ungodly. We should either avoid the actions that make us feel guilty, or we should repent and get rid of guilt so it doesn’t burden us…but we should not think we should feel guilty if we don’t.

I treat guilt as a warning sign that something is out of whack. Sometimes I need to avoid the situation, or “repent” (in the sense of following the 4 “r”), but it also might mean my priorities or expectations need to be adjusted. For me, guilt and anxiety go hand in hand – so if I am feeling “guilty” it might be causing anxiety – which means I need to make choices to put everything back in perspective.

[Anonymous]

:thumbup: :clap:

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