Anxious about daughters baptism

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old daughter is getting baptised on Saturday and I can’t quite place why I’m feeling anxious about it, even dreading it a little. It was always my daughters decision, but I also think my husband wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel 8 years old is too young to make this decision. I wish we could put it off for 2 or 3 years.

Also being a bit of a feminist I’m a little annoyed that there isn’t much I get to take part in. Even something as simple as being a witness, which makes no sense to me why it has to be a priesthood holder that performs that duty. So we have to ask some random dudes in the ward, as we don’t have many family members living near us.

This is my first time posting and I’m not really sure what I’m looking for. I am grateful I have found this group and I have found a lot of support here, even with being a lurker.

[Anonymous]

Baptisms can be daunting:) My daughter was baptized last November.

I look at children baptisms both as a rite of passage (you are one of the big kids now) and as a community joining ritual. I also think that it means the child starts to think about God, about community, and how he/she fits into a narrative that includes God and community.

I get the feminist angle as well:)

For me, it actually made things easier because I was in the middle of the worst of the faith transition angst ( I don’t do angst very well). I wound up giving a short combined Baptism/Holy Ghost talk and it all worked out.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Kcrumb wrote:

It was always my daughters decision, but I also think my husband wouldn’t have it any other way.

IMO, this is a great opportunity for you & your daughter to communicate about what she’s doing.

Does she feel good about her decision?

Does she have any reservations?

Does she feel any pressure in being baptised?

Does she have any questions?

(You can see where I’m going with this.)

Take her out for lunch & have a moment for just the two of you to talk about what’s happening.

Granted, she’s 8 yrs old. It is not an adult conversation but,

It is moments like this that builds future relationships.

[Anonymous]

It might be wise to map out exactly why you are feeling anxious. i.e.

-I am worried that my daughter getting baptized so young might later regret her decision, and find it difficult to undo.

-I am worried that my daughter will feel less valuable growing up in a Church with female priesthood restrictions.

-etc.

I think it’s not the baptism that’s causing the anxiety, so much as the potential negative effects surrounding the decision. This is one of those instances where “God give me courage to change the things I can, to accept the things I can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference”. You won’t be able to change many of the things you’d like to about your daughter’s baptism. But you can show your love and support for your daughter, even if you do have reservations. Everything you are really concerned with, associated with the baptism, you have the power to counteract.

[Anonymous]

Hi Kcrumb.

I understand the angst. But if you can set it aside, the part that really matters is wonderful and memorable.

Here’s a thread from a few years ago that you might find relevant:

http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4210

As for your participation. I also hope for a day when things are much much different. Let me say, though, that when I think back to my own baptism, which took place a long time ago, I can only remember three people being there: my mom, my dad, and me.

[Anonymous]

When my son was about to be baptized my major concern was in being allowed to perform the baptism as a non-tithe payer and non TR holder (the CHI specifies that a priesthood holder does not need to be temple worthy to perform the ordinance but considerable discretion is left with the bishop).

With my son DW and I tried to emphasize that by being baptized DS was following a path of discipleship – IOW of seeking after good, kind, and ethical choices. We put on the invitation, “Roy Jr. has chosen to follow the example of Jesus Christ by being baptized.” My son saw it and asked me, “When did I choose to be baptized?” I replied, “Do you want to be baptized?” “Yes,” he said “but when did I choose?”

Some people make baptism out to be a lifetime contract of loyalty to the church. That does not hold water in my opinion. I believe that it is a symbol and we get to have some say on how we personally interpret it for ourselves and our families.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all for your comments. I don’t know how to respond to some of you specifically but wanted you to know I take a great deal of comfort from your advice and support. I feel I can proceed with courage and even find ways to rejoice in the upcoming event. I like the idea of looking at it as a rite of passage and coming of age.

Roy, I had heard that about non tithing and non temple recommend holders sometimes not being allowed to perform the baptismal ordinance and was worried about it. My husband and I have not paid tithing for a year and we have let our temple recommends expire. The bishop has either not noticed, or has chosen to leave us alone about it.

[Anonymous]

I felt similar anxiousness when my daughter went through the temple. Except I had to broadcast the fact I wasn’t a temple recommend holder by my absence from the sealing room. I sat out in the foyer. I also felt VERY nervous teaching Gospel Doctrine a couple months ago, even though I’m a seasoned, career teacher of over 25 years, full time. I was so nervous up there, I ruined a pair of glasses by nervously moving the arm of the glasses back and forth until it broke off at the hinge. And they were a favorite pair of glasses!! Talk about uneasy!

In your case, it may be the fact that in your heart, you’re not in full agreement. And the situation is exacerbated by your lack of a role in the actual ceremony or granting of the baptism/Gift of the Holy Ghost. So, perhaps you feel uneasy about it. We all have things on schedules that, when we think about them, produce some kind of negative affect now and then. I wonder if that’s it.

I think you are on the right track, though. You are supporting family in their decisions. I am not sure of your total situation, but learning to be happy while also being a member of the church (with all of its warns and sores facing us regularly), is a good goal, and definitely achievable. If your experience is like mine (IYEILM).

Quote:

My husband and I have not paid tithing for a year and we have let our temple recommends expire. The bishop has either not noticed, or has chosen to leave us alone about it.

I know that if I was a Bishop, I’d be happy the family is passing the gospel ordinances down to the next generation. I wouldn’t want the conflict. I would consider putting the husband on restrictions (no baptizing or conferring the GoHG) if he was openly antagonistic, openly disobeying basic worthiness items (like smoking and drinking, or something). But frankly, the handbook is worded so it’s at the Bishop’s discretion. I guess you’re thankful he’s decided to do nothing. I know that he probably knows exactly what your status is — I am pretty sure the fact that he’s said nothing represents a conscious decision on his part to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Kcrumb wrote:

Roy, I had heard that about non tithing and non temple recommend holders sometimes not being allowed to perform the baptismal ordinance and was worried about it. My husband and I have not paid tithing for a year and we have let our temple recommends expire. The bishop has either not noticed, or has chosen to leave us alone about it.

Since the baptism is this Saturday, I assume that the bishop is already aware (and at least tacitly approves) that your husband is to perform the ordinances. That is good. For me I wanted to foresee and prevent any last minute surprises that might humiliate me and ruin the big day. I touched base with the bishop briefly about 6 months out to ask what I must do as a non-TR holder to perform my kids upcoming baptisms. He respended that as long as the baptism happened in our ward we would just need to have a “chat”.

Fast forward a month or two and the “chat” was about the state of my testimony and why I did not have a TR. I was careful to answer in ways that were not antoagonistic towards the church and generally portrayed my faith as struggling but a work in progress.

For a much more detailed account of my pre-baptism interaction with my bishop please see the following thread:

http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4587&p=62321&hilit=baptism+ordinance#p62321

Good luck making this day a special one for your daughter and your family. It is a rite of passage and should be celebrated (even if we have personal reservations or misgivings about some aspects).

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