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I’m the wrong person to ask. I married the only girl I ever dated after she turned 16 – and we got married six weeks after I returned from my mission. 😯 I don’t recommend that for most people, but it was the right thing for us.You might be interested in the following from my personal blog:
“Single Adults: Some Things Are More Difficult to Soften Than Others” (
http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2010/10/single-adults-some-thorns-are-harder-to.html This is one of my pet peeves!!!! Just be who you are!!!
My wife and I were just talked about an LDS women she met, who when asked about her children, gushed to tell about her ‘good’ kids and the grandkids they were providing. When asked how her other daughter was, she sneered and said, “Wellllll, I guess she FINALLY about done with med school! I would really rather have her just be married and having babies!!!”
Unbelievable!
Old-Timer wrote:I’m the wrong person to ask. I married the only girl I ever dated after she turned 16 – and we got married six weeks after I returned from my mission.
😯 I don’t recommend that for most people, but it was the right thing for us.Not advisable, but I do know at least one couple who married in their teens and are still very happy over twenty years later. It can work, but it is the exception.
Likewise, I’ve mentioned the example of the twenty five year gap. Not advisable in most cases, but it can work, given the right match up.
jwald and I were engaged six weeks from the time we first met, and were married in 12 weeks from the first time we met. It worked for us, happily married for coming on 19 years – but yeah, not something I would recommend as the norm. RM Sister, I would also like to welcome you to this group. I was also one of those ‘Old Maid’ sister missionaries and know exactly what you are talking about. Where did you serve your mission? I was two years in Austria. Have you seen the movie, “Errand of Angels” filmed in Austria about sister missionaries. It was pretty accurate of my mission. Anyway, when I got off my mission at 24 there was alot of pressure to get married too. Members and leaders figure they better get you married soon or you won’t stay morally clean much longer, which was actually true for me. But, I certainly did not want to marry just for marriage sake as my parents had the worst marriage for 45 years. I saw what hell marriage could be. When I met my future husband he was not a member of the church and my bishop and parents were so worried that I might marry outside the faith. My husband did join the church a few months before we got married (and not for me but because he wanted to) but we could not marry in the temple right away because it took a year then to become an elder. So we had a civil marriage at the lds insitute building on the campus of UNLV. But, I felt like everyone was giving us these looks like, “oh you had to get married civilly because you were immoral.” It is difficult to not let what others think affect you. We all want acceptance and approval, but I have come to learn that the only person’s approval I care about anymore is God’s. My nephew has been off his mission for 10 years now (He’s 31) and even though he has dated, just isn’t ready. Now, members are talking behind his back that he must be gay. So, that is probably what they will say next about you (Not that there is anything wrong with being gay
My best advice would be to keep a sense of humor about it. Also, everyone in one way or another feels like the “odd one” at church at any given time. It’s no different whether you’re married, single, divorced, gay, old, young, tall, fat, skinny – we all compare ourselves to each other. They may be more married than you, but you are more [many fine qualities] than they are. My guess is that most people who ask about it are just trying to be friendly and don’t realize they are being nosy. Regardless your answer, you’ll make friends with people on the basis of who you are, not whether you are married. And for as much emphasis as there is on marriage in the church, I can never tell who is married to whom until I get up to give a talk. Then I’m always surprised: “She’s married to him? Really? I thought he was with that one over there. Wow, that guy married up!” Have you read Bridget Jones’ Diary? Language is a bit strong, but in the story she too endures many awkward moments as a “singleton.”
cwald wrote:jwald and I were engaged six weeks from the time we first met, and were married in 12 weeks from the first time we met. It worked for us, happily married for coming on 19 years – but yeah, not something I would recommend as the norm.
There you go! Just because something is not usually advisable doesn’t mean that it won’t work.
It really doesn’t matter about the age (well, as long as he’s not under 18 maybe!
😆 ), age gap, ethnicity or even social class, if you are ideally suited as a couple. Some folk say opposites attract, and some dating websites match common interests. I don’t believe that there is such a thing as a perfect partner, that has to be worked on, and concessions offered.I think the ability to get along with one another, and enjoy each other’s company, is more important than physical attraction, although if you find yourself physically repulsed by them it’s probably not time for marriage! Richard Burton fancied Liz Taylor rotten (pbuh), but they had more trouble than it was worth. For what it’s worth I’m older than the OP and still single, but I have observed many happy and unhappy couples over the years. Then again, I’m an ugly rascal and hard to get along with.
:lolno: hawkgrrrl wrote:
Have you read Bridget Jones’ Diary? Language is a bit strong, but in the story she too endures many awkward moments as a “singleton.”The film was quite funny – watched it one night on the TV. Book’s a bit too chicklit for me.
SamBee wrote:hawkgrrrl wrote:
Have you read Bridget Jones’ Diary? Language is a bit strong, but in the story she too endures many awkward moments as a “singleton.”The film was quite funny – watched it one night on the TV.
Book’s a bit too chicklit for me. Amen. I didn’t make it through the movie either.
SamBee wrote:The film was quite funny – watched it one night on the TV. Book’s a bit too chicklit for me.
I remember it being funny … but yeah. I don’t think there were any explosions or helicopters in the movie. To be an awesome “guy movie” (generalizing with a broad brush), it has to have at least one explosion and a helicopter. The helicopter can be replaced with any archetypal flying machine/power — like a dragon, flying carpet or mutant superpower depending on context.
I ran into the whole “married yet” thing as well. I dealt with it by destroying my reputation by dumping the girl who waited for me my whole mission. Everyone hated me so no one asked. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but that’s the way it turned out. And then I went through it again after my wife and I were unable to have children for many years. That was harder on my wife than on myself. We dealt with it a number of different ways.
With most people we just shrugged it off. But with the persistent ones we brainstormed and came out with some zingers that kept them quiet for a long time. The one I liked was this one. When they asked “why don’t you have children?” I replied. “Well, we could talk about that, but it means we have to talk about [mention male sex organ here, plural form] and [mention female body part here, plural form]. Do you want to start talking about [mention male sex organ here] and [mention female body part here]?????” That was a bit of overaggressive, but the person deserved it.
The other one I used, after they asked the question, was to stare at them in feigned shock, and then say “Call me [insert first name here]”. Implying that since you’re asking me about deeply personal things as a total stranger, we might as well be on a first-name basis. The intelligent one’s got it and left us alone.
And my fave, we became friends with a couple, and confided in them about our angst. This person got up in Sacrament meeting and rebuked the whole Ward about making people feel unwelcome or strange when they are not in the text-book life pattern of a Mormon. He covered a whole range of issues, from being single to being childess, and it was hugely therapeutic for my wife, and didn’t make us feel singled out. I loved every minute of it. It was kind of an accident the way it happened, but I would consider mentioning this cultural problem in the Church to the Bishop and suggest he has a sensitive capable speaker address it in Sacrament meeting if you feel it can be done in a general way that doesn’t single anyone out. Inlude more than just the single people, include the childless, those who share divergent political beliefs, or who are different in any other way. However, I always put strategies that require others to be my advocate, at the bottom of my list. Peace is found in being at equilibrium in spite of all the angst-producing stuff going on around us — in or out of the Church.
If it’s any consolation, Pres Monson started talking about people not getting married in priesthood session today. I sunk down in my seat. (Remember ladies, it’s not just you that gets it in the neck!)
SamBee wrote:If it’s any consolation, Pres Monson started talking about people not getting married in priesthood session today.
We had the area president share this as well in stake conference, and I believe elder Ballard spoke about it as well.
Well, this is only going to increase some members’ motivation to bug me, others will hopefully back off
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