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How do I go about doing this without telling the bishop about my faith crisis? I just told my bishop that the calling with work and family were just too much for me. I would tell him that after much reflection, you don’t feel you are growing in or are passionate about your current position and offer him ideas for callings/assignments where you would be happy to serve and feel it would benefit you. Maybe you would feel better in a music based calling? Or setting up community service efforts? Bottom line: What part of the church experience do you feel you can contribute something meaningful with your current resources?Leadership roulette comes into play – some people in leadership don’t like suggestions/ideas from those they are leading.
But I am 90% certain that if you come to the table asking to be released without providing anything, the leader’s radar will ping and you will be under observation for potential faith transition symptoms.
What’s your calling? mom3 wrote:What’s your calling?
I think he said it was ward missionary (not to put words in your mouth Beefster). I remember the first time I had that calling. The leaders were very clear and adamant that at least 10 hours be spent on the calling per week and we had to turn in logs of our time. Yeah.
I’ve asked to be released from a calling twice. Both came well after the faith crisis but both coincided with family emergencies. I don’t remember the exact wording but it was along the lines of being under a lot of stress and needing to take a step back for a while. That statement can still stand on its own merits, even without a visible emergency.
I think it helps to frame it as needing a break because it’s harder for someone to argue against and it indicates that whatever it is that is going on in your life is temporary. A leader sniffs faith crisis and you’ll always be the doubter in his mind. If you say you need a break they may be more inclined to give you one and you’re the guy that needed a break… presumably you will have had your break at some point, meaning it’s a temporary condition that won’t linger (as much) in their minds.
Plus once you’re callingless it’s easier to not accept callings than it is to get out of one, so the break can last as long as you need it, maybe even permanent, but keeping it simple, “I need a break” doesn’t say anything about duration.
You don’t have to give a reason – just say you are dealing with some personal challenges and you need to be released. If asked what they are just say “stuff I can’t talk about right now.” You can even say it with a smile and that you wish you could. AmyJ wrote:Leadership roulette comes into play – some people in leadership don’t like suggestions/ideas from those they are leading.
But I am 90% certain that if you come to the table asking to be released without providing anything, the leader’s radar will ping and you will be under observation for potential faith transition symptoms.
It definitely depends on the leader, as AmyJ says.
But if you don’t really think you can have a heart to heart with the guy…then vague answers are appropriate. You owe no explanation…you are trying to give them a heads up instead of just fading away, so they should appreciate your forthright approach. But they may not, as AmyJ says. They may want to do something to help.
Perhaps your bishop would take this as an answer:
Quote:I’m sorry. I’m not ready to talk about it in detail, I just know I can’t do this calling right now and so I wanted to let you know and I hope you’ll respect my wishes, I’m confiding in you because I trust you can keep it confidential. Please don’t tell the ward council to start targeting me. I just need some space for now. Perhaps in the future I can go into more detail with you.
Or something like that…tell him what you want without telling him details, but throw him a bone that he need not worry for now or do anything, and you aren’t asking for anything. I would think the key words like “confidential” and “confide in you” are the things bishops know they should take seriously.
I would think they would respect that request to allow you the space you want. Depending on what you want from them.
Bottom line…you just do what you need to do and let the chips fall, even if they react in ways you don’t want. You can’t control their reaction…but you can own your choices and how you handle it. And that’s all you can do.
RR wrote:You don’t have to give a reason
Thanks Nibbler – Beefster – What everyone else said, ask, smile, say thanks.
I sat in a Sacrament meeting about 20 years ago, where the Bishop gave his public farewell. He explained that he had been called over 5 years to the month, and that he had enjoyed it, but was sure he would be released soon. 10 more months passed before his desired release happened. In those 10 months he did only the bare minimum. No one got new callings. He only covered Sunday type stuff.
He left it that way with no guilt or shame.
I’m pretty sure my bishop already senses some level of doubt in me since I was a little too candid during tithing settlements about how the temple freaked me out the first time I went through and how I don’t expect blessings from paying tithing. He seems to be going out of his way to give me a pat on the back or shake my hand and I really don’t know how to make sense of it. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m one of the people of interest during ward council. Maybe they think giving me more responsibility will help? Recently, I was soft-tasked with the responsibility of calling people to set up meal appointments for the missionaries. I approve of the idea, but I really don’t think I’m the right man for the job. At all.
I think, more than anything, I just need to be relieved of the responsibility of teaching for a while. I enjoy teaching in and of itself, but it’s challenging when it pits me up against some of my fundamental feelings about exclusivity and level of divinity of the church. I already do enough mental gymnastics as it is. And the fact that Gospel Principles is such a struggle for me suggests that these doubts I have really are on a fundamental level.
I suppose I can tough it out until the ward mission plan gets made because I feel like I actually have something to contribute there. I want to push for a non-preachy, non-pushy, loving (of self and others), and realistic mentality. The mantra I want to push for is “You are a better missionary than you think you are and you can do even better” and have it focus on helping others realize that fact instead of condemning them for not talking to their cashier about the church. Even though I can’t personally get behind recruiting (at least not for the right reasons), good missionary work really isn’t that complicated.
Maybe you don’t need a release. The benefit of a leadership calling can be delegation. Get organized to assign teaching to ward missionaries or full time missionaries or even members of the class on a rotating basis. I used to have a sign up sheet for all lessons and asked for volunteers and when there were blanks I would call and assign to willing teachers. I was surprised how willing bishopric members, EQ President members, recent returned missionaries or single sisters in the ward would be happy to cover GP.
As far as a Ward mission plan….I just told them they don’t work. I wouldn’t be putting one together. Bishop can do it if he wants, but I wasn’t going to pressure ward people over statistics goals when you have no control over choices others have to join the church. WM plans are something leaders want to try to engage members. They don’t work. And they get forgotten 3 months after drafting one.
I’m not a leader though. I just have some influence over the ward mission plan as a ward missionary. I don’t even teach every week. I’m going to push for there being no numbers on the WM plan. But yeah. You’re kind of right about it being pretty much useless. That’s why I want the focus to be being nice to yourself and looking at what you do normally and see how that makes you a light of the world. How your everyday life influences the world around you for good. Rather than telling people they’re crappy at something, help them to see the good that they’re already doing.
I get the sense that most of the church’s programs are just “more of the same but work harder.” Some say that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing but expecting a different result” and by that definition, I suppose you could consider the church insane because all it ever does when it fails to live up to its potential is double down and retrench. I say break the cycle and do something novel.
Beefster wrote:
I get the sense that most of the church’s programs are just “more of the same but work harder.” Some say that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing but expecting a different result” and by that definition, I suppose you could consider the church insane because all it ever does when it fails to live up to its potential is double down and retrench. I say break the cycle and do something novel.Yep. I can’t disagree. And I have been “doing the same thing” (sometimes with a different label or slant) for a few more decades than you. You figured that out a lot quicker than I did.
Beefster wrote:
I’m not a leader though. I just have some influence over the ward mission plan as a ward missionary. I don’t even teach every week.I’m going to push for there being no numbers on the WM plan. But yeah. You’re kind of right about it being pretty much useless. That’s why I want the focus to be being nice to yourself and looking at what you do normally and see how that makes you a light of the world. How your everyday life influences the world around you for good. Rather than telling people they’re crappy at something, help them to see the good that they’re already doing.
I get the sense that most of the church’s programs are just “more of the same but work harder.” Some say that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing but expecting a different result” and by that definition, I suppose you could consider the church insane because all it ever does when it fails to live up to its potential is double down and retrench. I say break the cycle and do something novel.
If it is a numbers game, could you suggest numbers looking at acts of service (if possible – can be coordinated), percentage of missionary lessons with a ward member present (maybe specific criteria being past the 2nd lesson), percentage of new members who were HT/VT during the first 6 months, number of new members who made it through all new new member discussions with a ward missionary, or number of suggestions implemented in the council meeting that the ward missionaries contributed towards.
Beefster wrote:
I’m pretty sure my bishop already senses some level of doubt in me since I was a little too candid during tithing settlements about how the temple freaked me out the first time I went through and how I don’t expect blessings from paying tithing. He seems to be going out of his way to give me a pat on the back or shake my hand and I really don’t know how to make sense of it.I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m one of the people of interest during ward council. Maybe they think giving me more responsibility will help? Recently, I was soft-tasked with the responsibility of calling people to set up meal appointments for the missionaries. I approve of the idea, but I really don’t think I’m the right man for the job. At all.
I think, more than anything, I just need to be relieved of the responsibility of teaching for a while. I enjoy teaching in and of itself, but it’s challenging when it pits me up against some of my fundamental feelings about exclusivity and level of divinity of the church. I already do enough mental gymnastics as it is. And the fact that Gospel Principles is such a struggle for me suggests that these doubts I have really are on a fundamental level.
I suppose I can tough it out until the ward mission plan gets made because I feel like I actually have something to contribute there. I want to push for a non-preachy, non-pushy, loving (of self and others), and realistic mentality. The mantra I want to push for is “You are a better missionary than you think you are and you can do even better” and have it focus on helping others realize that fact instead of condemning them for not talking to their cashier about the church. Even though I can’t personally get behind recruiting (at least not for the right reasons), good missionary work really isn’t that complicated.
If you feel you can tough it out until the Ward Mission Plan comes to fruition, that would be good. I think it’s good to go in and indicate you would like out of your calling, but think another area would be suitable. This shows faithfulness and raises fewer prying questions, in my view.
But I agree you don’t have to give a reason. But since you have expressed doubt, I would give one. You can point to length of time in the calling if lengthy (a couple years), feeling less passion about it — having trouble getting the motivation to prepare.
I am a bit confused because I think missionary work is even more challenging than teaching gospel principles. But if you can do it, great.
Another alternative is to ask if you can team teach it. If there are enough people in the Ward, maybe you could do it jointly with another person. The other person does the objectionable lessons and you retain the ones you feel you can do without as much conflict. But don’t say it that way — just be creative in dividing up the lessons based on “personal strengths” for example.
Whatever you do — don’t share your doubts with the Bishop. That way lies too much uncertainty and possible censure — if not from you, from others who hear about it….
I have long believed there is no such thing as confidentiality in the church. And even if there is, it’s in limited pockets — you have to assume there isn’t any for your own protection, so to speak.
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