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I heard someplace but can not remember where, that once this person left the church they were able to live an authentic life. It has sort of stuck with me because I must admit I long to live a life that is more along with my perceptions of morality instead of the church. So I wonder to Mormons live lives that really are not authentic. Do we wrap ourselves in the cloak of obedience and ritual so much that we are unable to experience the real pleasures and experiences of life. Are we so afraid of falling or failure that we will never attempt anything outside or our narrow view. I am not talking here about living a riotous life but just living as most normal people do. This is not an appeal to live the life of the prodigal son but just be authentic in our living. I know the stories we all tell the youth, about how you must stay away from the edge of the cliff because you may fall of. But I say the view is so much better on the edge than cowering in fear 20 feet back. Stupid analogy I know but it makes my point.
Would we really be worse off as a church if we dropped some of our pretense about our exclusive way of doing things and just tried to live more authentic lives?
I think everyone lives as authentic a life as they are capable of living. I think there is an authenticity in varied degrees of communal homogeneity that those who are more independent have an extremely hard time understanding and accepting. Authenticity is a brutally hard concept to understand in relation to someone else. It’s hard to figure it out for one’s self, much less for others.
Authentic is a difficult word to discuss. All I know is that since I finally admitted that I didn’t have all the answers and just accepted the fact that the LDS orthodox pathway was not going to work for me – I have found my life to be “better.” I have found new friends, new interests, new passions for life, and I have experienced many enjoyable things that I was scared to try before. I have found beauty and the spirit in many places that I never would have, had I continued to do the whole TBM cultural lifestyle. To each their own.
I think we need to be “real.” I think we need to be “authentic” and real. I tried and tried to fit in the orthodox traditional mormon box – and I didn’t fit. It crippled me and stymied my relationships with family and god, and my growth and spirituality.
I think the TBM pathway is safe and works for many many people – and they can be real and authentic doing it. But not everyone fits that. I didn’t. I just hope that, since i’m willing to accept the TBM’s pathway as authentic and real for other people, that they will give me the same courtesy and accept and understand that I’m jsut trying to be real and true to myself as I find my own pathway – even though it differs from the community norm.
Cadence wrote:I heard someplace but can not remember where, that once this person left the church they were able to live an authentic life. It has sort of stuck with me because I must admit I long to live a life that is more along with my perceptions of morality instead of the church. So I wonder to Mormons live lives that really are not authentic. Do we wrap ourselves in the cloak of obedience and ritual so much that we are unable to experience the real pleasures and experiences of life. Are we so afraid of falling or failure that we will never attempt anything outside or our narrow view. I am not talking here about living a riotous life but just living as most normal people do.
Would we really be worse off as a church if we dropped some of our pretenseabout our exclusive way of doing things and just tried to live more authentic lives? I think there is some value in diplomacy and not feeling like you need to share all your personal beliefs with people that could easily be offended by them or where it is likely to strain relationships. Sometimes getting along with people is more important than being right. What bothers me about this idea is that the Church has evolved to such extremes with some of these doctrines like testimony and temple worthiness to change salvation from a personal thing between you and God to something between you and the Church, spouse, bishop, etc. What’s worse is that it has gotten to the point that many members look like they have become much more concerned with what other other members think about them than honesty, God’s will, or almost anything else and they feel like they need to pretend that they believe and act differently than they really do when no other members they know are around to notice. That’s what really looks inauthentic in an unfortunate way to me about the intolerant and fearful environment the Church creates sometimes.
If you’re like me, I’ve minimized my involvement in Church now. Haven’t been to Church in several weeks and have refused callings that aren’t me. I continue doing this and I’m finding it’s reduced angst considerably. However, there are a lot of other places to be more authentic — in my work, in my hobby pursuits, and even in my family on general life principles. With my neigbours and in my journal. Here on this forum.
If people are on the edge about Church acivity, and the pretending and keeping your mouth shut bothers then you can minimize the role of the Church in your life to the extent possible, and get express your authenticity in other areas of your lives. I think you’ll find the world is a LOT bigger than than the LDS Church.
And you have more control than you think. From now on, I serve on my own terms, and never at the expense of of the other parts of my life. The Church does not run my life anymore. I run my life as I see fit — for the good of my physical, family and mental health.
I think you can be authentic and not competely independent. In my mind – if you are completely and exclusively authentic to your own individuality — it could make compatability with ANY group difficult. Groups will always have their own dynamics. They will always develop some central theme and core “doctrine.” They will probably all have members that don’t fit their function with perfect precision — or they will remain VERY small and isolated. The key in my mind is learning how to remain a member while maintaining your individuality. It’s not hard to see other good examples of how this can work in our society. We see members of political parties all the time express personal opinions that do not agree with the party norms.
Of course it is a bit trickier with the church. Granted there are lines involving physical actions that would be difficult to cross while remaining “meaningfully” active with the larger church body, I think we all recognize that. It is also common to feel like we cannot diverge in our own private thoughts and remain an “authentic” member. To me this concept is false and pure illusion. Everyone differs in some degree, the only problem is the false impression of strict cohesion that our modern church culture gives.
I think a different thread discussing the language that we all use in church would be appropriate, but for this discussion I think we would be wise to carefully differentiate between our perceptions of what is expected/required, and what is actually expected/required. Yes, the expectations of close family members and associates may differ from the broader church, and that does add a layer of complexity — but in the end I think there is much more wiggle room in “the church” than most members will acknowledge.
Most people out there live inauthentic lives, and it’s because of culture and capitalism as much as religion. DevilsAdvocate wrote:What’s worse is that it has gotten to the point that many members look like they have become much more concerned with what other other members think about them than honesty, God’s will, or almost anything else and they feel like they need to pretend that they believe and act differently than they really do when no other members they know are around to notice. That’s what really looks inauthentic in an unfortunate way to me about the intolerant and fearful environment the Church creates sometimes.
I feel the same way, DA…those that do it for outward appearances, not because they truly believe it are being not authentic. However, I think people can be obedient, and be authentic to the big picture of wanting to follow Christ, and just accept a lot of Mormon-ways as “the way” to help them do that, even if they don’t spend a lot of time thinking about every single rule and why they are following it. Then later in life, something can shake them up to start wondering about things in more depth, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t authentic before, they just weren’t challenged in some areas. Authenticity comes out when the challenges surface, I think.
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