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This morning I went to watch my husband baptize one of his friends. His friend had been a member many years ago. He had sent the church a letter of resignation. The church responded by ex-communicating him. I guess writing a letter was “unbecoming behavior” at one point. After over 20 years away from the church, this friend felt led to be rebaptized.
I found myself pleased and excited for this man; pleased to see him find answers, and pleased to see him find a spiritual home.
As we drove away, I found myself thinking about the dicotomy. Here I am personally in full faith crisis, and yet I was so pleased to see someone else come to a resolution and his resolution is so different that where I currently see myself heading.
He bore his testimony, and made the comment that so many of the things the JS was accused of, he felt were real issues. That JS did horrible things and stupid things .. But that God used him anyway. He felt that he personally had thrown stones at the church for 20 years, but he hadn’t found any church out there that cared for people as well as the LDS church. He also felt that personal growth happened better within the church culture than in other denominations that he had tried.
It gave me some food for thought.
Things like this are some of the experiences that are full of the profound – on either side of any issue and relative to any aspect of life. I love anything that makes me look at my assumptions and expands my perspective. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I have elsewhere descibed the church as a close knit neighborhood that is also nosey about your business. When the neighborhood is close like that it can be even more isolating to know that you are being held at arms length. You participate without being fellowshipped. I understand the allure of going elswhere. Some other churches seem so much more accepting and less intrusive. Maybe they don’t become your new best friends but they seem happy to see you at their church or around town. The children’s programs with paid staffers sure are a world of difference (my kids that are not yet old enough for scouting and other youth oriented activities). I can only speculate – but I can imagine coming to a season in my life when I might yearn for more than what would be available at other churches. When I might want to brotherly bond of priesthood. I might miss the familiar connection when talking to Mormon that I have never met before but we assume shared values and experiences. I might miss a monthly visit from home teachers. I might have extra time on my hands and want to serve in a calling – not just volunteer at a church. All churches love volunteers – but perhaps only in the LDS church does my volunteerism tie me to God’s purpose for me in such a unique way. I can serve others, personally grow, and feel a part of a divine organization – the metaphorical kingdom of God rolling forward. Maybe it is a call to pick back up the heritage of my youth and anscestors – to take my place among the men in my line that have gone before.
I am happy for this friend of yours. He has come full circle. Though he has been here before, he is now different and can see everything through new eyes.
amateurparent wrote:
As we drove away, I found myself thinking about the dicotomy. Here I am personally in full faith crisis, and yet I was so pleased to see someone else come to a resolution and his resolution is so different that where I currently see myself heading.Two things:This is precisely why I am on the “leave options open plan”. I had an inkling of the thinking this gentleman adopted when he decided it was time to return to the church. During my community service (an alternative to church service for me, right now), I have had similar experiences.
I found considerably more backbiting, dysfunctional relationship behavior, and politics in service outside the church — in two organizations. I saw many of the same problems outside the church that I thought were unique to the church — it being a volunteer organization like most others. I saw the effect of character-training in the church on the behavior of our members compared to the behavior of people without such influence.
The effect of my “time away” [still in progress] is a better view of the Mormon experience and members’ character that I did before the experience. It’s not enough to propel me into full activity — but time away (from the Mormon perspective “eating husks” like the prodigal son) showed me there is a certain goodness to the church we can easily take for granted during our immersion.
That’s why I feel it’s a good idea to NOT resign. Now, I did ask some people on NOM why they resigned when it only hurt their chances of returning (more hoops, having to eat crow, etcetera). Answers came back about feeling empowered after years of perceived social control, taking a stand to show they don’t agree, symbolically, letting go and starting a new life (a version of being “born again”). So, I understand why some do it.
But your story reinforces my own desire to stay on decent terms with the instituional church, as I never know when my perspective might change. Staying on good terms is a form of freedom… as a wise person once said
Quote:“the mark of a free person is that ever-gnawing uncertainty about whether s/he is right”
The SEcond ThingI’m glad you were happy for him. I am starting to believe that its a Christlike trait to throw out binary thinking. To be an empathetic chameleon on matters that have no objective evidence to prove their truth or not. I think it’s why Christ spoke out against the Pharisees, and why he preached against judgmentalism.
Thanks for sharing this. I grew up in the church and through most of adulthood with the idea that I had to take everyone else’s experiences almost as my own. Now I feel like I’m living my own life; I’m finally on a personaljourney. It would be nice if experiences like this man’s were brought up in lessons to highlight the journeying and not just to say, as we often seem to, “See, he should never have left.” Ann wrote:It would be nice if experiences like this man’s were brought up in lessons to highlight the journeying and not just to say, as we often seem to, “See, he should never have left.”
It is possible that he grew to appreciate the church of his youth
becausehe left. He mentions experiences in other churches and seeing the good and the bad of the “other side of the fence.” Had he stayed he might have felt trapped and smothered by the Mormon experience for the rest of his days. I was pleased with myself that I could be so pleased for him. There seem to be so many people that believe their truth is the only truth for everyone. I dislike that attitude. On a very personal level, I was grateful to be able to feel joy for his journey, without trying to make his journey anything other than that — His Journey.
This time in my life feels especially holy in some ways. I am on MY personal spiritual journey. As I journey, I try on new language, and habits, and look at my culture and upbringing with new eyes. I explore new thoughts and process through feelings. I clean out all the spiritual closets in my heart, soul, and mind. My hope is that when I figure out my final destination, I will have less baggage as I drop useless heavy items on the side of the trail. I hope that I will become more lean and fit from the journey, that I will become stronger, and I will have a better idea of what the trail conditions are like from personal knowledge. After this wonderful spiritual adventure, when God and I decide together that we have reached the right destination, I pray that place feels like home.
If all I ever saw were people leaving and being so happy to be away from the church…it would say something. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Many people join the church, many stay, many come back and realize they were missing something or that there aren’t as many good choices other than the church.
That says something too. That this is a personal journey, and it rarely is final. The church is there if you want to come back to it. It’s not going anywhere.
Quote:Heber13 wrote:
“If all I ever saw were people leaving and being so happy to be away from the church…it would say something.
But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Many people join the church, many stay, many come back and realize they were missing something or that there aren’t as many good choices other than the church.
That says something too. That this is a personal journey, and it rarely is final. The church is there if you want to come back to it. It’s not going anywhere”.
As an LDS woman who grew up on a very strict LDS home with a father in the bishopric there was never opportunity to question anything. We were supposed to be the “perfect example” children. Questions were not allowed in our home. This was a STRICT home. Immaculate grass, clean cars, perfect children.
For college, BYU was not my choice. It was given as my only option that would be financially supported. And that was not an environment that allowed doctrinal questions. For so much of my married life, we were dealing with death and dying of children. We were in crisis. In the midst of that, I went back to school, grad school, residency .. All the time feeling like my family needed as much care and concern and support as I could give them. The focus was on holding all the pieces together.
By the time I figured out that my father was a closet alcoholic throughout my childhood, I was out of the home and dealing with other stuff. That knowledge did make some of the other puzzle pieces of my childhood make sense.
So here I am .. 52 years old. 30 years into a marriage. Everything is rock stable. And I finally feel like I have the ability to find out what I want. It feels like a luxury to explore my spiritual relationship with God, figure out how I truly feel about the church, without feeling like I am burning anyone in the process. Yes .. I still have a 15 yo daughter at home. But she is launched in many ways. She leaves for college in the fall .. She has run out of high school classes .. And is starting an early admit dual enrollment program that requires dorm living.
For me, success right now is having time and emotional energy to spend on myself and my spirit journey .. To be able to tell the bishop “no, I don’t want any callings right now”. To be able to sit and think and ponder and pray. To be able to not know in advance what the final outcome is going to be … This is an amazing feeling. To get to decide to go to church to support my husband .. But to go only for that reason .. And no other. And to feel no guilt about it. I am loving this. Suddenly, my spiritual journey really is just about me. MY journey.
You are right .. The church will be there if I decide to go back. There is goodness in the church. Lots of goodness. There is also a lot of doctrine that I am uncomfortable with right now. And I am trying to figure out how I feel about all of it. Some days it is painful. Some days if is exhausting. But every day it is a gift that I have to opportunity to explore this and figure this out for myself.
That is beautiful, ap. Truly, deeply, profoundly beautiful. Thanks for sharing amateurparent. I wish you luck in your journey. I really do like hearing things like this because it shows how much the church as a whole believes in repentance and to forgive and forget. It’s one of the things that I have loved a lot about the church is that, repent and move on. Some processes might take a little bit longer, some not so long, but in the end, we just move on, learn and move on. thanks for sharing this story. You had me at … Quote:
This time in my life feels especially holy in some ways. I am on MY personal spiritual journey. As I journey, I try on new language, and habits, and look at my culture and upbringing with new eyes. I explore new thoughts and process through feelings. I clean out all the spiritual closets in my heart, soul, and mind. My hope is that when I figure out my final destination, I will have less baggage as I drop useless heavy items on the side of the trail. I hope that I will become more lean and fit from the journey, that I will become stronger, and I will have a better idea of what the trail conditions are like from personal knowledge. After this wonderful spiritual adventure, when God and I decide together that we have reached the right destination, I pray that place feels like home.And…
Quote:For me, success right now is having time and emotional energy to spend on myself and my spirit journey .. To be able to tell the bishop “no, I don’t want any callings right now”. To be able to sit and think and ponder and pray. To be able to not know in advance what the final outcome is going to be … This is an amazing feeling. To get to decide to go to church to support my husband .. But to go only for that reason .. And no other. And to feel no guilt about it. I am loving this. Suddenly, my spiritual journey really is just about me. MY journey.
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