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I know this depends on many variables but I’m looking for generalities. Which might be a better place to raise children of high character but whose lives don’t necessarily revolve around the church? In which place might one be more valued by what one brings to the table, rather than by being free of non-conformities? In what more specific areas have people lived where they feel more/less accepted by others?
Thanks!
My wife and I were raised in Utah County. Since our marriage, we have lived in UT, MA, AL, UT (again) and OH. We have been in the greater Cincinnati areafor 11 years – and we LOVE it. We have enjoyed everywhere we have lived (except for UT the second time, but that was due to my unemployment), but our ward now is awesome. We are heavily involved in the church, but, in general, living in an area where you are needed (where the ward doesn’t have dozens and dozens of other alternatives) leads to leaders who tend to be more willing to accept whatever you are willing to give. Now, they might try to ask you to accept multiple callings, but they tend to understand and accept a “No thanks, I’ll take one,” response when they really need you.
Having said that, honestly, I think the biggest factor is the personality and perspective of the bishop or branch president. That single thing tends to influence the overall spirit of a ward as much as anything else, in my experience. If you are able to choose where you want to live, let me know. I’ll contact you outside this forum and do my best to convince you to move to our ward.
There are probably pros & cons on both sides. I grew up the only Mormon in my graduating class in PA. As a result, I think I always felt like an outsider (despite having many friends), but distance also gave me perspective. When I went to BYU (in UT for my first time), I REALLY felt like an outsider. There is a very strong Mormon culture in UT that is unlike living anywhere else. My DH was raised in SLC, and he still has many close friendships with his high school friends who also went to church with him. When you’re the only Mormon, you feel like you’re expected to be an example, but you also feel a little self-conscious, and you know there is a side to your life that no one else would relate to (especially if you are doing seminary). When you’re among many Mormons there may be more variation in the social circles among other kids who are Mormon. Plus, according to studies, SLC is becoming less and less Mormon as more people move there. Personally, I think the best of both worlds is CA or AZ. Some place where Mormons are not the majority but not so uncommon that no one knows anything about it until the local pastors get together to show “The Godmakers.”
I much prefer living somewhere other than Utah. I love Idaho. Some of my children who did their teens in Utah still want to live in Utah. Those who are doing their teens in Idaho want to stay in Idaho. My kids were educated at home mostly so the school influence is not much different where ever we have lived. All my kids have taken some classes at the local High School and learned to get along socially at church and school. So far no major challenges in raising kids in either situation, Utah or other states. We have lived in at least 5 different states. Idaho is the best for me personally with all my quirks. I agree that the Bishop’s make all the difference. I have only had awesome Bishop’s in Alaska and Idaho. All others were a challenge for me to love. It was in Utah that I gave up any and all hope of any of the doctrine being true. Since I have been in Idaho I have shared several times that if one were to have a relationship with Christ it would certainly happen more readily in my ward than anywhere I have ever been. Just recently I completely got straight about where I am in my belief structure. That honest should open up the possibility of renewal if it ever is to come. I choose Idaho, for what it’s worth. I went to BYU for a year. That was my only experience living in an area like that. I felt out of place. It was surreal to me, living in a place where Church members where such a huge majority and Mormon culture was dominant. For me, the only place is California. I find so much diversity. I have friends in other faith communities, and have been invited out to various activities. One friend in a Unitarian-Universalist fellowship has given me much to ponder & has all the characteristics of a true friend. I’ve lived in half a dozen wards and found many members in my comfort zone (the very liberal perspective). During prop 8, a half dozen ward members commiserated together, when it was necessary to walk out of ward meetings. Thus my answer, its best to live out of Utah, in a urban rather than rural setting. The LDS church (to me), becomes just another church and that’s what works best for me. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to not live in Utah. I have lived in Colorado, Nevada, Illinois, Missouri, Iowa and of course Utah. Utah is the best of all of them, bar none. Besides, we are the home of the undefeated Utah Utes! What else could you ask for really?
Tom wrote:Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to not live in Utah. I have lived in Colorado, Nevada, Illinois, Missouri, Iowa and of course Utah. Utah is the best of all of them, bar none.
Besides, we are the home of the undefeated Utah Utes! What else could you ask for really?
I really enjoyed hearing Tom’s completely unbiased and non-emotional response!
…but I have to respectfully disagree.
Every place you go to has good and bad…including Utah (BYU would be the good…Utes the bad).
Heber13 wrote:I really enjoyed hearing Tom’s completely unbiased and non-emotional response!
…but I have to respectfully disagree.
Every place you go to has good and bad…including Utah (BYU would be the good…Utes the bad).
Hey, I didn’t say I was unbiased. Heber, you can disagree, even respectfully if you wish, but you would be incorrect. Utah is down right awesome. And yes, I am bias and emotionally connected. You would be too if you gave it a chance.
And to your (BYU would be the good…Utes the bad). All I have to say is, 13-0, baby. 13-0.
Heber13 is absolutely right. Which is best will depend completely on you. I lived in Oregon and California until I moved here to SLC (when I was 45). I’ve loved them all. In OR and CA you are generally part of a smaller ward and everyone knows everyone (and everyone knows your business). Here in UT, there are lots of people in my ward that I don’t even recognize, let alone know. I kind of miss that family feeling that we had in Oregon especially. On the other hand, I don’t feel like everyone in town is watching what I do to make sure I’m still a “good” mormon. If you hate the people in your ward here, you’re going to hate them anywhere you go. You will find exactly what you’re looking for no matter where you look.
I am a fan of Utah and a critic too. And that is because Utah, above other mormon communities, has its strengths and weakness. I love the safety I feel here in Utah in terms of moral safety. I think my kids are more safe in Utah schools that other places in terms of peer pressure and exposure to sinful behaviors. That doesn’t mean it can’t be found, it just means that if you don’t want to find it you don’t have to endure it. You can find great friends and wholesome fun. Most of the guys I dated with LDS and priesthood holders. It was nice. But you know, the mormon communities have struggles. Worldly behaviors and attitudes are creeping in. Sometimes people are so independent that we don’t need each other until a baby is born or someone dies. Complacency is another problem. And I think some pockets of saints are highly judgmental and intolerant when someone steps outside the box. But I must say where I live now is full of wonderful, down to earth, humble, loving people. I have not felt judged. It is like breathing fresh air.
So…..I think it is a matter blooming where you are planted. Each place will have its own list of pros and cons…….and FB teams that are from the dark side.
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