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So today we received the annual shakedown in EQ about Home teaching. It went as normal until it was revealed that we have been asked by the Bishop and Stake Pres to report on our assigned families’ attendance to Sacrament Meeting and follow up with them to find out why they aren’t attending if needed. I’ll just leave it at that, but it really, really, REALLY, bothers me.
Honest question: Why would that bother you?
I think the first rule of any official “reactivation” attempt (outside of the foundation of simple friendship, love and service) would be to sit down with people and ask them openly why they don’t attend. I would much rather ask someone directly and try to help overcome whatever the individual reason is than try to devise some generic program that will be a one-size-fits-all approach.
I recognize it could go badly in the hands of a tone-deaf, insensitive HT (“Why aren’t you in church?!” said in a demanding, accusatory tone) – but I don’t get that message out of what you shared.
I don’t think its bad to ask people why they don’t attend. One thing that irked us was that no one cared when we left our own ward. Then about 3 months later, one my former assistants in the HP group called me and said he hadn’t seen me and wondered where I went. I told him that he could report back that we were attending another Ward due to my work moving me to a new location, and we were in limbo. he replied that he wasn’t there by assignment — he respected me when I was HPGL and he sincerely wondered how I was doing. He had no plans to report anything to anyone — he just missed seeing me at church and being part of my lessons.
It was touching, really.
On the other hand, unless people are stone cold about the church, they will usually not tell you their reasons for not coming — we are trained not to criticize leaders, the church etcetera, that it is too risky. so I think the number of people who actually respond with an honest answer will be fairly low.
I agree with SilentDawning. It’s so taboo to really express our feelings and doubts. I know that if I quit attending church, wild horses couldn’t drag the thoughts/reasons out. I might explain, partially and carefully, if the HT was a longtime friend, but just a regular, assigned HT–no way. Old-Timer wrote:Honest question:
Why would that bother you?
.
I don’t like the idea of someone keeping (error-prone) stats on my attendance. I feel like that is between me and the big guy.
It probably goes hand in hand of my complete distrust of the entire HT program. Assigned friends and tattle-tells don’t really make me feel like a part of the group. I just want some real friends in the ward that visit when they aren’t trying to put a tick mark by my name. And now if I get hassled because I just didn’t feel like getting up, it will make me less likely to come at all.
I understand and respect that, Brown – really. However, I have to point out that the Church gets ripped if it doesn’t appear to care by letting people slip away without reaching out to them.
If it also gets ripped for reaching out to people who appear to be slipping away . . .
Old-Timer wrote:I understand and respect that, Brown – really.
However, I have to point out that the Church gets ripped if it doesn’t appear to care by letting people slip away without reaching out to them.
If it also gets ripped for reaching out to people who appear to be slipping away . . .
Fair point. I am sure somewhere someone is saying, “I didn’t go to Sacrament for a whole month and nobody noticed!” and their next door neighbor is saying “I hope nobody notices this is the 4th week in a row we’ve missed!”
Just don’t make it about the numbers and stats and I’m on board with being a good friend.
Quote:Just don’t make it about the numbers and stats and I’m on board with being a good friend.
Amen!
And amen again. They just upped me to 8 families but I can only handle 5 well so that’s what I do. If they don’t like it they can talk to me and I will tell them why I’m not 100%, it’s because I can’t dedicate enough time away from my higher calling- father , to home teach that many and I’m not going to short change my current families. At a certain point when your amount of HP’s able to home teach drops below a certain # and your single sisters don’t, you are looking at impossible odds on going 100%. On the asking questions you don’t want to front , I’d use the line many presidents have used with great success when reporting- I forgot….. or, you could use the line no one can argue with, “the spirit prompted me to not ask at that time”.
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I have an issue with this. The OP said that tbey are asked to report on sacrament attendance for their home teaching famies. Now if this means that when you report your home teaching numbers you say yes I saw them at church, then great, no harm no foul. But if they are suppose to report that family x missed one sacrament meeting this month because…they had a baby blessing in another ward, were on vacation, went on a hike, just didn’t feel like going is a bit too much like big brother.
Ray is right that there is no arbitrary amount of caring/prying (depedning on your point of view) that will work for everyone as our needs are individual and different, but just a blanket report on your families attendance seems a little much.
Just be a friend and everything else will work out in the end.
8 families? Reports about families sacrament meeting attendance? I’ve said this before, but I’m going to repeat myself…
Hometeaching grade = F
Don’t do it.
When I was an EQP, before they cast me out, I made two decisions that made our HT one of the best I’ve ever been involved with.
1. That we would no longer have home teaching companions and would visit families the best we could with what we had. This halved the worked load immediately. If we could take wives or kids with us, great. If not, just get the job done.
2. NO REPORTS.
We did the job, and we did it correctly, out of love and concern. The VTers follows suit. I and the fellers, met with our families in the street, out baling hay, at county fair. We made an effort to be genuine friends. Hell…my wife even did her VT at the pub…one of her families bar-tended there.
Our branch was flourishing at the time…30-50 members on any given Sunday. Never seen so many tatoos and piercings.
I went to church in May. There were 14 people there…five of them were Walds. The BP told me they are happy to see double digit numbers these days.
SAD. This is what happens when policy interferes with logic and reason and love. This is what happens when a church becomes more concerned about loyalty and Pharisaical rules, than the people they are supposedly meant to serve and help.
Morality is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told. Obedience is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right.
I love that approach, cwald – and I have done similar things in the past. Dang, wish you were my hp group leader cwald. Half the time I do end up taking kid’s as my comp is sick or busy. My single sisters (older widows) take a lot more time than most as what they need most is someone to talk to so a visit is seldom less than an hour and time adds up fast. I could do 15 minute visits and do all 8 families that would let me in but I wouldn’t be fulfilling any of their needs so I figure I can at least be a good ht for 5 families and hope leadership figures it out sooner than later. Sent from my EVO using Tapatalk 2
When I was HPGL, I viewed home teaching as a buffer between the family needs and the worn out leadership. HT’s were assigned in case there was a valid need, and we needed someone to get involved with the family. I sent out letters every month to the ones that were stone cold and counted them as visits. This kept the Stake off us. The best quarter I had, we focused on service projects, social events, and what everyone simply wanted to do in harmony with the 3 fold mission at the time. When people came to church (as they spontaneously do), they liked it. I did my own HT, but it was visiting new people who moved into the Ward to welcome them — that was meaningful.
cwald wrote:8 families? Reports about families sacrament meeting attendance?
8 families! This is my main objection to home teaching. In addition to callings, tithing, cleaning up the church building, feeding the missionaries once a month and my career I simply don’t have the time. I would have to quit my job or start working part time to meet all the demands the church places on me. I only have four people I am supposed to home teach and I think that is too much. 1 or 2 would okay.
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