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Life is so bittersweet. This journey from uber-TBM to NOM has been wonderful and terrifying. I am grateful for it and will never regret it.
One thing that makes me feel kinda sad/bad but also deeply satisfied is the reaction my DH has had to my journey.
He has experienced some scary moments, like when I said I wasn’t sure the temple was legit. I’m sure he didn’t know what to think when I told him I don’t believe our myths to be literal.
All in all, it has shaken his confidence in the church, but not in me. I am so grateful that he trusts me more than the church!!! But, I partly feel bad that I forced him on this journey with me. He doesn’t have time to devote to research like I do so it is going to take him longer to sift through his own feelings and figure things out. He won’t just take info I spout since it could be wrong-which is a valid concern. I can’t wait for life to settle down a little so he can start looking into things himself. He is kind of in limbo having lost his former testimony but has nothing else to put in its place. I remember that “rug pulled out” feeling
verywell. I’m trying to decide how to gently introduce things he can read from trustworthy sources. I’m hoping to have him watch the youtube video on “Why People Leave” by John Dehlin. I just watched it the other night and thought it was excellent. Other than that, I’m not really sure where to start. Do you good people have any ideas?
Well, the journeys not over until it’s over I hope. I went from TBM/elders’ quorum pres/temple-goer to agnostic science worshipper (heck, I had all the anti sites in my computer’s favorites) to full-blown fundamentalist Mormon in a period of about 20 years.
If you had told me when I was taking “human origins” anthropology classes and reading Richard Dawkins that I would someday embrace those things that I was way too “intelligent” to even listen to, I would not have believed it.
It’s an interesting journey, with respect, try to always reserve the right to change your mind…and be careful how “convinced” you are to others. It makes it uncomfortable later to say “oops”
just me wrote:I’m hoping to have him watch the youtube video on “Why People Leave” by John Dehlin. I just watched it the other night and thought it was excellent. Other than that, I’m not really sure where to start. Do you good people have any ideas?
Great idea, the “Why People Leave” is excellent.
I’m not good with ideas because I tended to dump things on DW and then we sorted it out over time and long talks. Not the most productive but we always have found ourselves in a better place. Probably just luck. I think as you discover and share simple things, show love, embrace happiness, your example/light will start to rub off and things will happen. It takes time and patience, as bruce said.
Keep it up!!
just me wrote:I’m trying to decide how to gently introduce things he can read from trustworthy sources. I’m hoping to have him watch the youtube video on “Why People Leave” by John Dehlin. I just watched it the other night and thought it was excellent. Other than that, I’m not really sure where to start. Do you good people have any ideas?
You know me…I’ve got opinions for anything…
🙄 unfortunately, I’m drawing a blank on this one for you. Sorry.Have you thought of anything yet that you’ve tried, or are you still looking for the right materials? I’m interested how it goes for you.
Heber13, mostly I’ve stuck to scripture interpretations like tithing, the Godhead and some other stuff. I just feel that I should introduce some more information now that he doubts the church and doesn’t know what to trust or think anymore. I’ve come to a place where I am pretty comfortable not knowing all the answers and want to help him get there, too.
I’ve had great success with using the scriptures! I found out that there have always been things that bothered him but he just never focused on it-like the Godhead. That has been enjoyable to explore together. And I’ve always been more knowledgable about church history than him so I’ll give him some of the missing pieces from our church lessons (he teaches the youth). He just doesn’t trust info that isn’t church approved, but now I have cast some doubt on that, too.
This is kinda rambly…
I’ve been reading so much it’s kinda hard to pick a starting point. I am currently reading a great book by Margaret and Paul Toscano, Strangers in Paradox. It was written before they were ex’d. It is very good at opening the mind to different understandings of our LDS theology and goes beyond black/white thinking. I may start him with that after he watches the youtube presentation.
I think my approach would be to tailor an approach for the individual. That is, I would build on what that individual already knows and believes in. Slowly introduce new concepts that don’t threaten his beliefs, but twist them in a new way. I think this would be healthy for anyone. It doesn’t mean he has to forsake his beliefs, but we would all do well to be exposed to various concepts that can help us along our way. I think, in Mormonism, the most important thing to get across to people is that they can think for themselves and do their own analysis. They don’t need to always parrot what the GAs say (I know some Mormons like this). Those kinds of people will try to fit everything they hear into the Mormon box. Try to explain that the box can expand.
DH finally had time to watch the youtube presentation. He thought it was very well done. He said something to the effect “it does a very good job of helping members know how to treat people like us.” So, he officially considers himself in the boat I’m in.
It’s funny, I found out my DW’s been sending that video to alot of people (though not her own immediate family). I know she doesn’t feel like she’s in the same boat as me, but it was a very nice surprise!!
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