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The question I would ask you DB, is part of your apprehension here that these time consuming callings (one after another) have potential to effect the wonderful work your doing with the podcast? If so, I think it’s a very legitimate fear in that the individual “minisrty ” you seem to have been called to in this digital age gets stretched thin. Trying to balance ones individual divine calling in life with what the organization has in mind is very conflicting. I have found it to be so in my life too. I love your work on the internet and I’m so grateful for the podcast you did with Mormon Stories, it came at a very critical time in my life Shades of Grey wrote:The question I would ask you DB, is part of your apprehension here that these time consuming callings (one after another) have potential to effect the wonderful work your doing with the podcast? If so, I think it’s a very legitimate fear in that the individual “minisrty ” you seem to have been called to in this digital age gets stretched thin. Trying to balance ones individual divine calling in life with what the organization has in mind is very conflicting. I have found it to be so in my life too. I love your work on the internet and I’m so grateful for the podcast you did with Mormon Stories, it came at a very critical time in my life
No. I do the podcast on Tuesdays during my day off when the rest of the family is at work/school. I also put out so many episodes that I can take the summer off almost completely.
My issues is this – I am simply burnt out from serving in the Church. Our Bishop was my 1st councelor when I was Bishop. After Bishop I was called as WML and in Ward Council he would still look to me and specifically at me for suggestions and advice, which felt uncomfortable as it was obvious he was giving deference to me over others opinions. I get why he did it and he is a great man but it seemed to not fit. So combining that with being burned out, I asked for a release. I would not turn any calling away. I would happily accept a calling as a teacher to adults (sunday School or PH) I would happily accept a calling to teach older youth. I happily accepted my calling as 1st C in Sunday School. There are others I would happily accept. But I would not accept anything. It at this time in my life has to be a good fit. It has to be something I can swim in and enjoy. It has to feel right. Not only do I have to assume the Bishopric was inspired, but I have to feel it was inspired. I hope to not be in this place forever and I am not recommending that others take this same approach as “this is the ideal way to serve in the Church” as it is not.
But for me right this moment, it is the only way I will maintain my positive edge. My service in the Church while enjoyable has always been about serving others from day one as at least a equal factor. Right now it is 100% about my having peace and enjoying church…. that is the main drive and I wish it weren’t so but for my sanity, it must be so right now.
Ilovechrist77 wrote:Bill, I’m grateful for all the things you are doing for others that have faith crises.
Thank You
cwald wrote:Peace friend.
If you still want to do a podcast, I’m probably at the state to do so.
I have no fame like mamy of your latest guests, nor am i a “stayLDS” champion, so it may not work for your pod and I’ll understand.
I do, IF (big IF) we can find some way to keep it leaning positive. You can still talk about frustration and doubt, but is there any aspect that would build faith (how you have maintained friendships, family relationships, supported others still active)?
Also Thanks for your kind words!!!
Heber13 wrote:Bill…I respect you as I’ve listened to your thoughts over the years. Glad you take time to share what you do.
I do think church can be a different experience in different areas. If you lived in Arizona, California, Colorado or Idaho or any area that has multiple large wards in a small geographic area…you could probably more easily take a break and there are other resources the leadership can look at for stepping up, next saint in line kinda thing.
When I lived back east…they were always needing help, and looking for people who could fill one or two callings…because they didn’t know what else to do.
I think you’re pretty good to learn to hold your ground and do what is best for you and your family.
Whether they understand the Dark Night of the Soul or not…they just have to respect a father’s wishes to help keep family first, not sacrifice all for the church.
I agree. though I don’t think a “only if it blesses me” approach should be a lifelong one. I am hoping this is only a phase or a stage, and I can get back to serving wherever needed.
LookingHard wrote:Bill,
I feel for ya man, but you are doing the right thing. If you honestly feel even after praying that taking the calling is going to lead to more burnout, you do owe it not to your Family only, but to YOURSELF. There is a difference between losing yourself in service (you feel GREAT and want to do more) and being stretched too thin (you just feel like you want it to all end).
We should all be working to become like Christ, which includes serving for sure (in many ways, not just in church). But we can’t be perfect in that in a matter of one moral lifetime.
I just don’t want to always be at burn-out stage. I hope for a new day sometime ahead.
I got over the “burnt out phase” by just saying NO! At 57, and having been a bishop, a counselor twice, and EQP twice, I’m done doing the heavy lifting. I’ll teach a class, but thats about it. I don’t want to be in the HPG leadership, Nor YM (I turned down a Stake YM calling this year.). Once I’ve reached this point, and accepted it in my life, it is very liberating! When I get a call from the Stake Exc Sec, there is no dreading for days. I already know what the answer will be. But, I can still be Christ like, and serve others on my own terms.
Sheldon wrote:At 57,
Sheldon, you wear your age so well!
DBMormon wrote:I do, IF (big IF) we can find some way to keep it leaning positive. You can still talk about frustration and doubt, but is there any aspect that would build faith (how you have maintained friendships, family relationships, supported others still active)…
Probably not.
It would not be authentic.
Age 27 reactivated. -WML
New Ward
-WML
-EQ 1st C
-EQP
Ward Boundry Change, New Bishop
-Ward Clerk Finances
-Side Calling Stake Auditor
-Bishopric 1st C
-High Council (burnout in full swing)
Ward Bishopric Change
-HPGL (Faith crisis initiated trying to understand burnout)
Move to new Ward (2011)
-HPG 2nd C
-Faith crisis in full swing
-Scoutmaster
-Out to wife
-Cub Leader and Primary Teacher
-Faith crisis over, now transition
-Out to Bishop
37 years old, released as primary teacher, retained as Cub Leader.
I just had my third meeting with my very nice Bishop. He wanted to see where I’m at, but after explaining my worldview he says there is nothing he can fix, but is wondering what callings I might be willing to take on after the scouting year is over. I didn’t answer anything specific, and reiterated the need to be authentic. He seemed to understand.
I honestly don’t feel I have anything to contribute spiritually, as I am on a different wavelength than the regular members would appreciate.
But I am ok with it.
God bless good, caring Bishops. This is an interesting topic. And a study, for me, in how we evolve. As a new convert, my very first calling offered to me was not one I would be there on two Sundays a month to fulfill due to my job scheduling. I knew nothing as a young new convert about how all this works in the church. I innocently asked if I could fulfill the calling on the two Sundays I was there (RS teacher). In my practical mind, I could see a simple swap with the other teacher since I knew there would be nothing simple about asking for the change around at my job! The Bishop shook his head and said no. I had no other calling, other than visiting teaching, offered to me in that ward. After a move to another state, callings were offered and accepted, as they worked well with my job schedule. Now, looking back at that first calling offer, I have to wonder if it wasn’t a strategy to get me to think about becoming a stay at home mother (which was not an option). I say this because there were two men sitting in the area with me before I went into the bishop’s office that I now realize were a counselor in the bishopric and ward clerk. They struck up a conversation in front of me regarding their wives working versus staying home and the first counselor very pointedly made statements about how his wife would never work, that was his job. I didn’t like it, but I filed it away as men who needed to grow up. Fast forward to many callings later. I was taught along the way that you do not say no to callings and even taught that in my leadership calling to other women. After close to a decade on the leadership treadmill, I was released. I was totally ready to say yes to the next calling as I walked into a room with a bishopric counselor. He extended a certain calling. As I opened my mouth to accept, a spiritual moment happened and I knew I was to say no. I was as shocked as the counselor when I said no. I realize many here have different thoughts about manifestations from the Spirit, but I cannot deny or explain away the ones I have had. The bishop was very angry with me over this situation. I had to sit and wait it out. I had another spiritual moment a few weeks later and “felt” inspiration of what the next calling was to be. I won’t go into all the details about how that particular calling did come to pass. But that calling was one of the biggest blessings of all callings to our entire family.
Fast forward again. New ward, different bishops. Rolling along with the callings. Released from a leadership calling again due to not being able to fulfill the schedule the way the current president was demanding it be set up. Life has changed and applying for jobs that will seriously tie up the schedule on some days. A calling is offered that I know I probably will not be able to be present for due to the jobs I am applying for. I am honest with the Bishopric Counselor that I don’t see the sense in accepting a calling that I most likely will not be able to be present for and if they could wait a few weeks, I will know exactly what my job schedule will be. I did not see it as fair to those I would be serving. He agrees with me. He was actually released within the next couple of weeks.
I felt a difference from that time forward from some people. Do i regret not just accepting either calling? No, I do not. As Ray has said several times, “they get me”. My employment schedule has to work with my callings.
Going back to that calling where I felt an extreme prompting to say no. The bishop was angry as I shared why I said no. When we finally discussed it, he wanted me to just say “I” was saying no. He gave me an example of another person that had a very high profile calling that had said no one time. I had no objection to that calling. We came to see there was something else that was in the wings for our family with the other calling. I also believe to this day, there was no inspiration at all for that particular calling that I was prompted to say no to, especially since the bishop had given me a talk a few weeks earlier about the high council being a “back bench” for released bishops and what would be equivalent for a female in a higher profile calling.
I feel life requires more balancing than ever. I also feel life is short. Our kids grow up so fast. Serve where we can and how we can, but I think we need to be prayerful and thoughtful about the balance.
Hi Bill, I feel your pain and respect all you are doing to ease the pain of others through your Mormondiscussions podcasts to your words here. It’s an honor to have known you through the discussion boards and podcasts you speak on. I’d say more but am on my phone, and having trouble typing my post.
Sheldon wrote:I got over the “burnt out phase” by just saying NO!
At 57, and having been a bishop, a counselor twice, and EQP twice, I’m done doing the heavy lifting. I’ll teach a class, but thats about it. I don’t want to be in the HPG leadership, Nor YM (I turned down a Stake YM calling this year.). Once I’ve reached this point, and accepted it in my life, it is very liberating! When I get a call from the Stake Exc Sec, there is no dreading for days. I already know what the answer will be. But, I can still be Christ like, and serve others on my own terms.
I don’t mind heavy lifting, but not in the church anymore….they don’t seem to care about your personal growth. If you’re lucky to get with a good leader, he might, but for the most part, I feel they need people to fill holes, and so they call on you.
I agree fully you can be Christlike by serving others on your own terms.
Tacenda wrote:Hi Bill,
I feel your pain and respect all you are doing to ease the pain of others through your Mormondiscussions podcasts to your words here. It’s an honor to have known you through the discussion boards and podcasts you speak on. I’d say more but am on my phone, and having trouble typing my post.
Thank you Tacenda!!!!
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