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Yeah, it makes sense. Good luck and find peace.
Thanks for the additional information. Frankly, I wish you would have shared some of those details with us initially. I know it would have changed much of my advice greatly – and I truly mean greatly. However, it is what it is, and there’s no changing the past, so I wish you the best and will pray for you. I mean that sincerely.
If you seriously want to talk, send me a PM, as well.
Well, that kind of changes things. Obviously it’s best that you don’t try to carry on the charade. I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. Hang in there, it will all turn out right. And let us know how it goes. My prayers are with you and your parents. CandelLight25, I wish you well in your homecoming and future. It’s tough, but I do believe that you are on the right track by being honest with yourself and others.
I wish you luck Candle. I greatly admire your courage. Big hugs to you. Like others have said, you are always welcome here. Your situation in particular right now though … the Church just isn’t handling that issue. I don’t know how else to describe how I see it except they just seem to be sitting there with their eyes closed, their fingers in their ears, and babbling “la la la, I can’t handle this” and trying to make LGBTQ folks go away. It breaks my heart and frustrates me to no end. Regardless of the theology problems, there needs to be a place on the pew next to us for everyone who wants to be there. You’ve gotten a lot of support and good advice from people here but I hope you come away from it all with one bit of wisdom. If you’re honest and up front at the beginning you can save yourself a whole hell of a lot of trouble at the end. I admire your courage in going on a mission in the first place. I don’t believe that I could. I want to apologize for not being more forward or blunt with all of you. It’s never been something I’ve liked to discuss very much because I feel like I’m just misunderstood when I do. At the time, I didn’t feel like it was an active part in all of the issues I was dealing with so I didn’t mention it here. I can see things more clearly now though and realize that it is all connected. They are all ingredients that make me who I am. It’s ignorant for me to think that my issues, trials, weaknesses and strengths are not all intertwined. I sense that some of you feel cheated and I’m sorry for making you feel that way. Also, I appreciate all of the love and concern you continue to provide for me. Yes, I am home now. I survived the dauntingly lonely series of flights that took me halfway around the world. Tuesday was literally one of the longest days I’ve ever experienced. Not only did I find myself physically drained, but also emotionally drained as I was accepted into my parents arms, and the shuttled off to the Stake President’s office. The procedures are starting now, and there will be a Disciplinary Council held on some future date. I’m already pretty sure I know what the outcome will be. However, I’ve come a long way and am prepared to face my consequence face on. My parents and family have once again exceeded my greatest expectations by showering me with unconditional love and support during this difficult time. Everything’s been pulled out from under the rug, and this time it’s not going anywhere until we find a solution. There has been a lot of tears, pain, and discomfort but I’m learning to see the silver lining on these storm clouds. The hardest thing for me is to see how difficult it is for my parents now, and the strain it has put on them. Everyone’s just confused and wants to know why I came back and what not. Humans thirst for gossip almost more than water. They’re curious and want an explanation. I can’t blame them for that. But it’s just not something I’m willing to give them. They don’t need to know. Let them talk. Let the judge. That doesn’t mean anything to me. Most of them only know that I’ve chosen to return because I needed to work some things out in my life. I was depressed and didn’t have my head in the right place to be effective as a Missionary. And that’s all they’re getting. They’re not really negative or rude. Most of them just want to help and approach me more like I’m a cancer patient. The thing they don’t understand is that I’m not dying. I’m starting to live.
They are quick to comfort and help my family though, and I’m appreciative of that. I know that this is embarrassing and hard for them too and I don’t want them to have to deal with any more then they already are. All my extend family knows as well, and they’re just trying to show love and support for me and my family. It’s all marked with good intentions (and I can see that) so it’s alright. Despite all of our differences, I’m really thankful for my family and all they’re doing to help. I’ve learned that whenever things like this happen, it can always draw people closer or farther apart depending on how it’s handled. I’ve also received more insight into other people’s pasts and their own struggles as they’re shared what they think might help. Some of it wasn’t news to me because I’m a perceptive person, but other things really blew my mind. All in all I’m thankful for that aspect of this.
Also, considering the fact that I could hardly understand anything that was going on around me, I found myself with a lot of time to soul search. When you’re so far removed from everything, you definitely come to know what matters most to you. When you’re gone, those are the things your heart aches for.
I know that the road ahead is going to be a rough one. Perhaps even worse than I can now perceive… but I feel confident that things will turn out right. I’m going in with a level head, a heart full of love, and no holes for fear. Here’s to the hope that one day, it really will all be okay.
Take a breath. Relax. Yes, you will be fine. You’re okay, find some peace within…and move on.
You’re okay.
cwald wrote:Take a breath. Relax. Yes, you will be fine. You’re okay.
^ this.
There’s always hope, even when your family’s not behind you. But when they are, it makes it so much nicer. I’m VERY glad to hear that your family is there for you.
I like (very much) your statement: Quote:I can see things more clearly now though and realize that it is all connected. They are all ingredients that make me who I am. It’s ignorant for me to think that my issues, trials, weaknesses and strengths are not all intertwined.
For me, this shows me a person with peace & maturity.
This should validate that your decision is correct & right for you.
I’m proud of your parents & family too for their response.
Isn’t it great to be loved like that? And, to love in return.
Everything else is secondary.
Mike from Milton.
I’m glad your family supports you. That’s good. Quote:I want to apologize for not being more forward or blunt with all of you. It’s never been something I’ve liked to discuss very much because I feel like I’m just misunderstood when I do. At the time, I didn’t feel like it was an active part in all of the issues I was dealing with so I didn’t mention it here. I can see things more clearly now though and realize that it is all connected
Speaking for myself, no apologies necessary. I am glad your family is supportive and thanks for the update!
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