Calling It Quits

[Anonymous]

mr_musicman wrote:

I’m not going to go into too many personal details other than to say, except for coming home from a mission early, I understand very much the struggles you are facing. I have read the book, “In Queit Desparation” and did not find it helpful. It is one of the better books out there on the subject, but I don’t like the approach to SSA they take. I absolutely hate the fact people call it SSA or SGA as though it is some kind of disease.

The problem with the church approach and worldly approach to gender issues, is quite simply the application of labels. The LDS approach of looking at yourself as though you are sick and need to be treated is so damaging and unhelpful. At least it was to me. I stayed away from Evergreen and organizations like that. I didn’t feel sick and I didn’t need to beat myself up even more. The worldly approach asks you to label yourself gay or straight to the exclusion of the other.

The most peace came when I finally accepted myself just the way I was. I like boys, I like girls and I am completely in love with my wife and children. I often wonder what it would have been like to label myself gay and walk that path. I am quite sure that I would never have come to the calm acceptance I have now. I never would have learned that I could have love for a woman as well.

By avoiding the path of labelling myself and examining and accepting who I was and what I wanted I found what I needed. That is my first and most important advice. Love yourself as God loves you. Your “tendancies” are a gift from him to help you learn and grow. Don’t begrudge a gift from God.

As far as DC’s, my experience has been both bad and good. It really depends on your leaders. My advice is to trust in God and never lose faith in him. No matter what path you choose, your world will be forever changed by these experiences. Just ride the wave.

If I were you, I would read “Believing Christ” by Stephen E. Robinson. Learn what the atonement really means. Don’t focus your life on your “tendencies” because there is so much more to you than your sexual preferences. It is only a part of who you are. Avoid blowing it up to be the only thing you are about.

:clap: Wow… Maraming Salamat Po! Somehow, you’ve managed to gracefully sum up my whole POV perfectly. I simply couldn’t have said it any better.

wayfarer wrote:

I came to love myself for who I am — all of me.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us–with me. I really appreciate it. I like what you said here. I feel like I’m at that same turning point where I’m finally beginning to love myself for who I am — all of me. :thumbup:

wayfarer wrote:

But the labels are quite destructive. I would hope that we are free: free to express love to whomever we feel we love. If that is same gender, great! if that is opposite gender, great! But to feel love is not necessarily a choice — it sort of comes on us. Yet how politically uncorrect of me. how immoral of me from an LDS point of view.

I couldn’t agree more. Labels are a terrible thing and I do my best to avoid them at costs. On an individual level, every human being is incredibly complex and unique– on the surface as well as below the skin. It’s a tragedy when we attempt to rob others of their individuality by slapping them with labels and stereotypes. :eh:

[Anonymous]

Quote:

It’s a tragedy when we attempt to rob others of their individuality by slapping them with labels and stereotypes.

which is why, everyone, I don’t like the acronym “TBM”. Just sayin’. 🙂

[Author]

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