Callings/Visit Teachers

[AmyJ]

I have had some interesting experiences in the last while….

When we were settling into the branch, I actually suggested to the BP what callings I would feel would be a good match for my talents/resources and what would help the branch. My BP took it in stride, but DH was horrified “How can you advise them on which callings to give you? You can’t pick your callings, you know.” I actually got a calling I was super excited about and I was giving back positively to the branch… then I got called into Primary (because they needed me, I know). I was pregnant while teaching Sunbeams, and then they released me. They are letting me “hang out” in R.S. with my baby for now. I was nearly called as the compassionate service coordinator, but that didn’t work out because by the time I had the resources for the calling, they didn’t need it as much. Now I am a volunteer substitute R.S. teacher because I volunteered myself for it – and I am looking forward to it. They may eventually decide to make it official, but I can help just as well without it.

My Visiting Teacher was changed recently. I was excited for the new one, only to be told to my face that she did not like me and was there as a “duty”. I am not mad at her – I mourned because I wanted the chance to get to meet her – but I did request a different sister (a specific sister) be assigned to me because I needed someone who understood what is going on in my life and could actually support me. I am not in a place in my life where I can be a “project”. My husband was adamant that I shouldn’t “tell” (I think of it as counseling) the leaders whom I think would help me the most.

[Anonymous]

I think it is actually a wonderful thing to give your input like that. Inspiration can’t draw from nothing. The more information we can give to our leaders, the better they’ll be inspired.

It’s like the story of Captain Moroni, where he got so upset at Pahoran for not sending his armies the needed assistance, sent him a letter. “You lazy, wicked, son of gun! We’re starving to death, while you’re living in the lap of luxury without a care in the world. How can you live with yourself? You better send some good food and fresh men, or God has commanded me to depose your royal butt and send you straight to hell!”

And then weeks later, Moroni gets a letter saying, “Sorry bro, I’ve already been deposed. Your hearts in the right place, so we’re cool. Would you mind giving me a hand?” Lack of quality information can lead even the best meaning Church leaders to make some pretty bad mistakes.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. It is better to serve well with a glad heart than to serve poorly out of a sense of duty.

The Captain Moroni / Pahoran story is important, because it shows someone Mormon described as being “a perfect man” making a terrible mistake in sending that letter without all the information. If we see “perfect” as meaning “complete, whole, fully-developed” (instead of “mistake-free”), the description makes sense. It allows us to make mistakes, even major ones, and still be progressing toward perfection (wholeness, completion, full development). With that definition, mistakes can be redemptive, since they can help us see the path ahead of us more clearly – helping us see what we need to do to keep changing and becoming (repenting, in the best, most positive sense of the word.

Perhaps your situation can be a catalyst for your BP (and, hopefully, your husband) to recognize some “incorrect traditions of (our) fathers” – like discouraging people from asking for callings they would enjoy and do well.

[Anonymous]

DW used to have visiting teachers that would leave a photocopied message with a treat in a baggie attached to our doorknob at the end of the month. This bothered DW so badly. She knew that she was being counted as having received VT visits every month without any actual needs being met.

We now have much better VT’s. They do not come every month but when they do there is “connection” there. (also if we need a favor we feel that we can call them).

[Anonymous]

I think you can learn to accept that different people view this thing differently…and that is OK…and by that, I mean your view is OK, and your husband’s view is OK.

1. Some don’t think you ever turn down callings, and you never ask for callings or advise the BP on what you want to do…but just be willing to serve in any way that you get called, and trust it comes from the Lord as inspiration. This can be a good faithful view of things because sometimes it sounds a bit selfish to want certain callings or just the fun ones or easy ones…and really it can benefit a person by getting called to a position the ward needs something done and you can grow by doing something maybe you didn’t want to do, but you learn to love it or at least appreciate the growth that comes through sacrifice, service and faithful effort in whatever the calling is. It can be something to keep you humble and willing to accept the will of God. It can stretch you, and it can build testimonies and faith (sometimes).

That works for some people.

2. The other view can be a bit more practical, which is that your situation is not always known to the leaders…so it can be very helpful to give them more information so they know your situation and can consider your needs along with ward needs and find a good match. I often hear some leaders who extend a calling and then find out the person has a new job or is pregnant and situations changed that the leaders didn’t know when they prayed about it. And when the person is reluctant to accept, or even out right declines the calling, the leaders go back to pray with new information and find they now have a better calling in mind that they didn’t know prior to the calling they extended the first time, and those leaders will believe in their mind that the spirit is at work by helping bring to light more information through the process of extending callings and listening to the individuals. When this happens, the leaders and the individual can feel the holy ghost confirm that revelation is happening through a process, not just a one time event from an authority figure, and that the needs of the individual and family are the purpose for church and church callings…not that individuals need to suffer callings needlessly.

This second option can also work for some people.

Both work. It is just how you view it and how you handle it and how you interact with others to frame it faithfully…because God involves all of us in the work…and that does not exclude you or any individual receiving callings. But all of us. We are all involved and entitled to personal revelation to help the work move forward.

Church Handbook I think supports this idea to leaders in HB2:

Quote:

When extending callings, scheduling leadership meetings, and planning activities, leaders consider the family circumstances of members.

…

Leaders seek the guidance of the Spirit in determining whom to call. They consider the worthiness that may be required for the calling. They also consider the member’s personal or family circumstances. Each calling should benefit the people who are served, the member, and the member’s family.

Although service in Church callings requires sacrifice, it should not compromise a member’s ability to fulfill family and employment responsibilities. Before calling a married person to an assignment that requires a significant time commitment, Church leaders consider the effect of the calling on the marriage and family.

I would hope this does not become a wedge in the relationship with your husband, or an argument about who’s approach is “better” or “more righteous.” But simply, both can work if we keep love as the motivator in all we do.

Besides…callings are just callings. Do you as little or as much as you want to do and can do. More important is the relationships we build around the callings and the work we are doing.

But we don’t need to become martyrs for the cause…when most of the time the leaders are just doing their best to plug holes in auxilliaries, and are limited in knowledge of personal circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the response, Heber13. I appreciated your summary of the ways to view things.

My husband is more TBM than I am, and it shows periodically. Most of the time it is slight horror/embarrassment at the things I think or say – but I don’t fight about it if he doesn’t.

I think next time they ask me for a calling, I will tell them I will “sleep on it” – and give it serious consideration.

[Anonymous]

AmyJ wrote:

Thanks for the response, Heber13. I appreciated your summary of the ways to view things.

My husband is more TBM than I am, and it shows periodically. Most of the time it is slight horror/embarrassment at the things I think or say – but I don’t fight about it if he doesn’t.

I think next time they ask me for a calling, I will tell them I will “sleep on it” – and give it serious consideration.

“I will think about it/pray about it/consult with my spouse about it are perfectly acceptable answers. Most leaders aren’t there for the hard sell and want you to believe the calling was inspired for you. Of course, for the more orthodox it’s sometimes hard for them to fathom an answer that doesn’t match theirs.

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

AmyJ wrote:

I think next time they ask me for a calling, I will tell them I will “sleep on it” – and give it serious consideration.

“I will think about it/pray about it/consult with my spouse about it are perfectly acceptable answers. Most leaders aren’t there for the hard sell and want you to believe the calling was inspired for you.

I agree. Sometimes, the more vague on the reasons you don’t feel good about it are better. They respect individuals needs especially those that are trying, I think.

[Author]

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