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Hello, lifelong member. Mother was a convert at 17, dad was a non member untill I was 12. My dad couldn’t accept the JS story, he said the heavens are closed, no man can see the face of God. He finally joined when my mom threatened to leave him. I grew up with a fairly strong testimony. I always knew I was lead by the Lord in my life. I served a mission, married in the Temple. We were an active family, we have family prayer every night, but don’t do FHE every week, don’t read the scriptures everyday, but go to church and try to be good people.THen one day my husband brought home “Rough Stone Rolling”. I had not heard of it, he was outraged that JS used a peep stone in a hat to “conjure up” the BoM (his words). Then the polyandry, and other things made him question all things in the church. It shook me a little, but figured it must be some misunderstanding on our part. I have always had a view of “the church is different from the gospel” . My husband blindly followed what was taught by church leaders. Long story short, I have since gone back and forth as to what is “real”. I, like my dad, question JS’s first vision story. I also know the gospel taught in our church makes the most sense out of anthing around. Where would we go? Then, I question all of the prophecies of the early church. Are they true? Are we really going to AOA? Is the Lord really going to appear there? I teach primary, and I love the bible stories, but I have a very hard time teaching the first vision, etc. when I don’t know what is right. I have a very hard time with the church leaders not teaching the truth about JS, and early church history. I also have a hard time with GB Hinckley 60 min, interview where he seems to back off of church doctrine. I have a hard time with church leadership editing conference talks after they have been given. I feel as if I’m being “cast about by every wind” and that I have no direction. I have no one to talk with about this except for my husband, but he seems to reject much of the church altogether, though he says he will still go to church, and do things for the kids sake.
I’m glad for this site, to know I’m not alone, have more insight to try and find my way. My husband is on New Order Mormon alot. I really don’t feel comfortable with that site, so I’m glad to have this one. It feels very comfortable. THanks.
Welcome to the community Confused, You’re not alone in this experience. There are lots of others who have gone through it, and are still going through it.
cast about by every wind wrote:Long story short, I have since gone back and forth as to what is “real”. I, like my dad, question JS’s first vision story. I also know the gospel taught in our church makes the most sense out of anthing around. Where would we go?
I think that sums it up pretty good:
1. Have serious questions about the literal truth of the story.
2. Have a serious appreciation, and perhaps even love, for the value of the story.
3. Not sure how to make those two new paradoxical views work in your one-and-only mind.
The bad news is you now have to figure this out. The good news is this: as you do figure it out, it will be all yours.
Welcome, confused. I was also really glad when I found this site, since some of those others seemed a little too negative for what I needed (though some here probably wonder about that). Anyway, I hope you feel some peace knowing that 1) you’re not alone, and 2) you’re not crazy. Well, maybe you are crazy, but not because of your doubts. 
As Brian mentioned, one approach for you may be to concentrate on learning to appreciate the church for the value of the stories and myths out of which it is created, instead of being mad or disappointed that they aren’t necessarily literally true. Frankly, I’m still having a little trouble getting over being mad, but hopeful that I some day will.
Welcome to the site! I like the tone here better than NOM, too, although that site has some interesting topics as well. Obviously, our purpose here is a little different, so that’s part of it. One theme I heard in your intro that is pretty common here is learning to rely more on your own personal experiences and feelings while questioning those of others – either people you know or people in church history. Ultimately, I think that’s one of the keys to finding a way to stay: because it is meaningful and beneficial to you personally, even if you don’t understand, agree with, or even believe some of the culture or historical elements.
Your experiences:
Quote:I always knew I was lead by the Lord in my life. I served a mission, married in the Temple. We were an active family, we have family prayer every night, but don’t do FHE every week, don’t read the scriptures everyday, but go to church and try to be good people.
Quote:I also know the gospel taught in our church makes the most sense out of anthing around. Where would we go?
It’s so hard for anyone to make sense of many of the things you mention, but I think most of us here have come to our own conclusions or at least like to consider the questions the information raises. Personally, I’m a big fan of RSR (Rough Stone Rolling); most of the information in it wasn’t news to me so also not mind-blowing, but I grew up around many anti-Mormons. Rather than giving you our answers (which vary from person to person anyway) here are some of the questions these raise for me:
Quote:outraged that JS used a peep stone in a hat to “conjure up” the BoM (his words).
Part of me thinks, isn’t this like finding out Santa Claus wears burgundy not red? What’s the big difference between a peep stone and a Urim & Thummim? They are both stones. One just sounds like something Kenneth on 30 Rock would believe in because it’s close to what is familiar, but not exactly (like when ex-Mos say JS had “beer goggles”). As for the “conjuring” up thing – what’s the difference between revelation, inspiration, and translation? Where are the lines drawn? Where did JS draw them? Where do I?
Quote:Then the polyandry
This one to me raises the question of what the purpose of the sealing ordinance is? These marriages didn’t produce known offspring, whether consummated or not. Also, some of the evidence details are muddied because BY and others wanted to emphasize that JS instituted polygamy (RLDS claimed he did not). A lot of the information came out much later and was used for various purposes that were not neutral. I certainly believe it happened, but it’s less clear what it means – was he trying to “seal the human family” (as Bushman says “lusting for kin” rather than just “lusting”)? We will probably never know. Or was JS a fallen prophet? If so, he was removed from office at a pretty young age, and it was directly related to these things. So, it’s hard to say what he was really thinking.
Quote:My husband blindly followed what was taught by church leaders.
Despite what is said at GC, this just never ends well. It’s fine when you’re a kid, but it’s really not a sustainable model.
Quote:Long story short, I have since gone back and forth as to what is “real”.
I think the questioning is a good thing. That’s the start of everything IMO. It’s also how JS got his start.
Quote:I have no one to talk with about this except for my husband, but he seems to reject much of the church altogether, though he says he will still go to church, and do things for the kids sake.
It’s hard for people to avoid going from one extreme (blind obedience) to another (total disaffection, anger, and rejection). Welcome to the site! Now you have some more people to talk to!
Welcome. It’s good to have you here. I hope we can help each other in some way. Ironically, I posted something on my personal blog early this morning that deals directly with part of what you wrote. I thought about posting it here as a separate post, but instead I will provide the link.
“My Faith Must Be My Own – or I Am Left to Be Acted Upon”( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-faith-must-be-my-own-or-i-am-left-to.html Thanks to all. I feel very welcomed. Ray, I enjoyed your blog post, and that makes sense to me. I just tend to want all the answers now, but know that never works out well. I guess I didn’t know where to start, but now feel at least hopeful it will be made known to me. I do feel it is sufficient to know my Savior loves me and leads me, and that is enough for now. I would like to build upon that foundation and see where it leads. Thanks again to all of you. Line upon line, precept upon precept. (dang…now I have that Saturdays Warriors tune in my head… Ahhhhh :crazy: )
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