CES fireside and SSA

[Anonymous]

Here’s an interesting timeline on a great website: http://www.nomorestrangers.org/timeline-of-mormon-thinking-about-homosexuality/

[Anonymous]

turinturambar wrote:

Here’s an interesting timeline on a great website: http://www.nomorestrangers.org/timeline-of-mormon-thinking-about-homosexuality/

Thanks, T. Very informative.

[Anonymous]

Yes, thank you, friend.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have any kids at BYU. I know some group there produced the “It Gets Better” video a little while ago. I wonder if something like this Notre Dame video might be a next step:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/08/notre-dame-gay-athletes_n_5290761.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

[Anonymous]

I really can’t help but think that this is the church’s goal and Vision when it comes to gays and marriage.

http://youtu.be/iaxrN1IUDYA” class=”bbcode_url”>http://youtu.be/iaxrN1IUDYA

Seems to say he is gay yet attracted to his wife. Seems that’s what the church is hoping for.

[Anonymous]

The Church now discourages heterosexual marriage as a solution or answer to being gay. Unfortunately, it also discourages homosexual marriage, unions, intimacy or any other “development” of homosexuality.

When no solutions or answers are available for something so central to one’s very mortal existence, I don’t blame any gay member for walking away.

[Anonymous]

The YouTube link posted by ForgottenCharity is a video of my friend and colleague. I work as a counselor adjacent to his office and have been friends with him for a couple years. I have got to watch the behind-the-scenes perspective of his process and struggle. I have watched him go from being completely off the radar to Mormon superstar overnight when he came out to the broader community on his blog. I will say that he does not expect anyone to make the choice he has. He spends a lot of time trying to empower people in his counseling to make their own choices, free of shame.

That being said, I do believe the church hopes all LDS gay people will do the same thing, even though they won’t come out and say it. I believe his choice can be a genuine act of faith without repressing his sexuality, and I believe anyone has the option to make that choice IF they truly desire it and have worked to a place that they feel truly good about it. But I believe his situation is very much the exception and I have watched many people use his story to tell all of the gay Mormons, “See! That’s what you would do if you were being faithful!” I think for most gay LDS people, the option of being in a heterosexual marriage is a bad choice. You cannot truly make a sacrifice unless you have truly claimed the right to make your own decision. You can’t say no unless you feel free to say yes. Most LDS gay people don’t feel free to say yes to their sexual orientation. So, they try to force themselves to say no…which is very damaging.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

You cannot truly make a sacrifice unless you have truly claimed the right to make your own decision.

True – and, for most homosexual people, inside or outside the LDS Church, I believe “your own decision” absolutely is not and should not be heterosexual marriage. I worry that even implying otherwise only further burdens someone who is burdened enough without such unrealistic expectations. I admire this man and the peace he has found in his chosen path, but there is no way I would encourage others to try to walk it, as well.

Invoking “sacrifice” is a time-tested way to encourage people to do good things, but it also is a time-tested way to encourage people to do bad things – even very harmful things. In this case, even hinting that heterosexual marriage is a proper sacrifice concerns me deeply – and, personal opinions notwithstanding (including my own), the fact is that the LDS Church officially no longer takes that stance. I am glad that is the case and hope nobody tries to read between the lines on this one.

[Anonymous]

Let me share an example of why I feel so strongly about this:

I know someone (not a participant here) who is in a marriage where his attraction for his wife is not reciprocated by her. It never has been, fully, but it has been particularly difficult for many years. He was completely unaware that such would be the case at the time of their marriage. For him, it is torture – daily. He is a good, kind, caring man who would never dream of leaving his wife, but he lives in a Hell on Earth – daily. It is impossible to describe adequately how painful it is for him – daily. He loves his wife as much as he can, but, if he knew before his marriage how his life would be at this point, he would not have chosen to marry her.

Loveless, attraction-less, intimacy-less relationships are not what I believe to be the proper application of sacrifice – and I don’t think a degree of one (platonic love) should over-ride the lack of the other two. If such relationships exist already, I do not advocate divorce (and, therefore, I admire the man in question) – but I cannot ask anyone to take that path when there is no way in Heaven or Hell that I would enter into a gay marriage under the banner of sacrifice.

It simply isn’t who I am.

[Author]

Posts