Childhood experiences that make me want to have faith

[Anonymous]

Some of the comments on recent threads have really struck a chord with me and gotten me thinking. I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you.

As a teen, I was incredibly shy and often lonely. I guess a lot of it was fairly typical teen angst. Once I made up an imaginary girlfriend. I knew she wasn’t real, but I wanted her to be and thought about her a lot. Nothing detailed; she was little more than a name and a face. I wasn’t talking to myself or anything. Just thoughts and feelings that needed a target, I suppose. I remember one time my brother was driving me somewhere late at night, and I was staring out the window thinking about this imaginary girl, and it struck me that she felt more real to me than any of the characters in the Book of Mormon, even Jesus. That was the first time I remember having explicit doubts about anything church-related. I might have been 14 at the time.

In junior high, my little brother had gotten into drugs and caused a lot of grief in my family. His antics sucked up a lot of my parents’ time for much of my childhood. During my teenage years I started to think a lot about the older brother I never knew. My parents only had him for a few days before he died, but he would have been just over a year older than me, closer than any of my other siblings. There were many lonely times when I especially longed for my missing older brother. I imagined what he would look like—just like my handsome little brother, with dark hair and eyes and a ready smile, but taller and stronger. Reliable. A protector and friend. Someone who would be there for me. I imagined him in the spirit world, encouraging me and waiting for me to get back to him so we could finally spend time together.

Even if those thoughts and feelings were about something that wasn’t real, the thoughts and feelings themselves were real to me and got me through a difficult time in my life. I have never thought deeply about those experiences until now, but I can see clearly the analogy to Christ. Although I have never felt much understanding or attachment to the idea of an atonement or an atoning one, these thoughts about my missing older brother come close. So I’m thinking that maybe it doesn’t matter if Christ was divine. Maybe it’s just the hope—the faith—that I can put into that idea that can improve and enrich my life. Having that kind of hope seems harder to do as a critical adult than it was as an emotion-wracked child. But right now I’m seeing a lot of advantage to the emotional and hopeful side of things than I usually do. Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences (especially Mockingjay and Heber13 today), for your thoughtful comments, and for listening to me.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

So I’m thinking that maybe it doesn’t matter if Christ was divine. Maybe it’s just the hope—the faith—that I can put into that idea that can improve and enrich my life.

I believe there is great power and validity in having an ideal for which to strive, even if that ideal is unreachable completely in this life. I also know there can be great comfort in a Christ-type, whether such a person ever lived or not. We have a need to be more than we are, which is distinctly human, as far as I know – and a model like Jesus is a good way to personify that yearning, no matter the actual details of his real life.

Thanks for sharing this post, daeruin.

[Anonymous]

I was going to make a comment, until I read Ray’s words which struck me profoundly. I don’t need to comment more than that. Well said, Ray.

daeruin, thanks for sharing. You may want to check out sometime reading Karen Armstrong, “The Case for God”. I found that interesting and along the lines of what you are alluding to.

[Author]

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