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I went to church with my girlfriend this past Sunday (labor day weekend). I have felt some neat spiritual feelings while attending meetings in her Christian denomination. One meeting I remember almost 2 years ago, was when the local preachers invited people to come to the front to be blessed. I felt the love of Christ in that meeting and it felt like it was radiating from the front where people were told to go to get the laying on of hands while each would be individually prayed for one by one. Something of Divinity was happening on that particular day. I know because I felt it and probably many others too, for that matter.
On this past Sunday I felt something I hadn’t felt in quite a long time: a desire to seek Christ. At one point in the meeting I thought: “wouldn’t it be neat if i could be part of an organization that encouraged people to believe in Christ !”.
I also thought, too, how I didn’t have much of a desire to be involved with the LDS church and it isn’t because I hate the LDS church but because of the culture of the denomination. Each Christian denomination has a certain culture. Jehovah Witness’s have it, baptists have it, Mormon’s have it, born-again’s have it.
I love the doctrines of the LDS church but just don’t care much for the culture of the church.
I’ve come to appreciate the culture of my girlfriend’s denomination. At first it was difficult because I saw things through LDS eyes.
The culture of a ward/branch is an amalgamation of the attitudes of the leadership and members and you’re expected to attend and participate regardless how it seems to you. In other churches the culture of the individual congregation is influenced most, I think, by the priest/pastor and how that resonates with the membership and if they don’t like it they leave. The end result is that by default other congregations grow into communities that are getting what they want and need. In the LDS church there isn’t the option of finding something somewhere else so you either adapt or leave, physically or menatally. I’ve never been in a ward where I didn’t feel the leadership and members were all trying to do their best for everyone but wife had the oposite experience in a ward with a crabby bishop. She said it was a long 3-4 years. GBSmith wrote:The culture of a ward/branch is an amalgamation of the attitudes of the leadership and members and you’re expected to attend and participate regardless how it seems to you. In other churches the culture of the individual congregation is influenced most, I think, by the priest/pastor and how that resonates with the membership and if they don’t like it they leave. The end result is that by default other congregations grow into communities that are getting what they want and need. In the LDS church there isn’t the option of finding something somewhere else so you either adapt or leave, physically or menatally. I’ve never been in a ward where I didn’t feel the leadership and members were all trying to do their best for everyone but wife had the oposite experience in a ward with a crabby bishop. She said it was a long 3-4 years.
I agree — culture can vary from Ward to Ward, although there is overriding culture that the local leaders either ingest and disseminate or perhaps de-emphasize.
Here is one ward’s culture which epitomized the Bishop, though my lens as a Bishopric member:
Quote:We live the gospel, and we do it without any interpersonal conflict. We focus on the task, and we get it done. If there is interpersonal conflict, we work around it or avoid it, rarely ever confronting it. We are well-prepared for our callings, and don’t get too personal with anyone in the Ward, but we work together for our common goal, and are friendly and serve each other at arm’s length.
I actually loved that Ward. It was the best place for me at that time in my life. Nothing fed my negative attitudes, and the Spirit was present each Sunday. I grew thoroughly active there.
Here is another Ward’s culture, which was asserted by the membership. The Ward leaders had a hard time cracking this one, and this was a perspective of prevailing member attitudes, as leaders observing:
Quote:We come to Church for what the programs do for us and our families, and for our own conveneince. We serve, how, when, where we please, and will often agree to things to make the moment pass, without ever intending to follow through. We are highly critical of Ward leaders in the back-office, and will organize rebellions against Ward leaders if we please. But we love to socialize and do social things together that show there is caring among Ward members at large. We are not excited about missionary work or the temple, or anything that inconveniences us beyond Sunday.
[this was the prevailing attitude in the Ward, and I wasn’t the only one who was subject to multiple mutinies as a leader. This was a Ward in which you rely on yourself alone for testimony, motivation etcetera, and it was very hard. There were a few families (like 8 that ran the Ward) and the rest were hard to get to do anything with a lot of commitment. There is a story still circulated about how the SP came to the Ward, ripped on everyone about not livign the gospel and respecting priesthood leaders, and then sent everyone home with the mandate to write to teh Bishop and explain how they are going to live the gospel better in their families and the Ward. I kid you not.]
Entwined in both Ward’s culture was the overriding talks from the Stake and Ward leaders, and even members scrambling for material in their talk about obedience, inspired leadership etcetera, but there was far less of it in the second Ward — mostly coming from the ward leadership. The first ward above focused more on personal spirituality. I remember thinking that. It showed in their behavior.
I could also describe two different Stake cultures, but that is a different story.
I agree with what has been said. Different wards have different personalities. In my experience, these personalities are influenced by the prevailing culture of the church in general, the culture of the geographic location, the dispersion pattern of the membership (clumped together or far flung), the mix of individual ward members and families, and the Bishop. DW and I have visited several non LDS-churches in the spirit of good neighbors. Several were just not our thing. Lately though, we have found a few that we like a lot. The primary traits that draw us (DW and me) to a church community are friendliness, childcare, and frequent kid friendly activities.
We found the one that we participate in now because it sponsored a Vacation Bible School that we put our daughter in, they have childcare every Wednesday night during the bible study, there are two potlucks per month during the summer (one at the church and one at a members home), and there is a projector screen movie night once a month. They are also quite friendly at church. The pastor has taken to saying, “How are you friend?” with a warm handshake when he sees me. We are able to participate with minimal guilt because the Sunday worship times do not conflict with our LDS meeting times. I told the one lady that was inquiring about our affiliation to the LDS church that, “We are supplementing our spirituality.”
One thing that could be said to be lacking and I’m not sure what to call it. In our LDS wards there are times when we invite each other over for dinner. We are more comfortable visiting the homes of others and being visited. To illustrate this, we don’t view our current ward as particularly friendly, yet some Elders came over to help us move in, an R.S. rep came to visit with my wife, we have been visit taught, and both DW and I have been out for HT and VT. In this non-LDS Christian church we are visiting, all the friendliness seems confined to church services and activities – without any attempts being made to get our phone number or befriend us in a more individual basis. No calls to say – “Hey, we’re having an activity coming up that I think your family will really enjoy.” or “We really missed you in church today.” I’m sure that there is a culture of not wanting to be intrusive of demanding, but for us – the one thing that is missing to make this a perfect fit would be a transition stage from them being “church friends” into just being “friends.” In the LDS Church – serving in callings together, doing service projects, or the HT/VT program tend to provide this transition stage.
Like you Roy, I’ve been feeling the itch to attend a different Church now. After 27 years it’s just time for a change of scenery now and then. I like the idea of supplementing our spirituality. Somehow, all the major corporations understand that you’ve got to shake up the merchandise locations, the decor, and the menu to keep the customers coming back. I don’t think we’ve figured that out yet in the LDS Church; we seem to think that keeping everything amost exactly the same (except for perhaps minor changes to the CHI ever 30 or 40 years) is the way to go.
WE have one up the street I may attend just for the fun of it some weekend. I go there at Christmas Eve for their service and I always enjoy the band, the video, the multi-media, and the fact that you can come casual.
How about this. We have one Sunday a month where Church is casual Sunday. You can dress casual for all three meetings, within limits. My only fear is that the long-time members will lose their testimonies over it.
you know SD, going to another church will be a breath of fresh air for you. i think all long timer lds members should visit other churches now and again and keep an open mind about it and not judge. i think a lot of good would come to the lds church if leaders did exactly that – just to see how other people worship. what is surprising to me in my girlfriend’s denomination is how much the doctrine they teach about Christ, his teachings, remind me of the things we teach about the Savior and his teachings in the lds church.
i’ve thought along the lines of volunteering time to a church that isn’t lds just for the sake of encouraging people to believe in Christ.
i think why i am not interested in coming back to the lds church to worship is because the culture of the lds church perpetuates a faith tradition that is too serious for my liking (perhaps too much focus on the here-after, maybe too many rules, and not enough focus on the here and now). let’s live a little and have fun. (not that Mormons don’t have fun).
maybe you could say that the church is a little socially ingrown.
My observation is that the organizational imperatives, and all the work involved in being fully active (storehouse, HT, callings, trips to the Stake Center, moving, veil assignments) make it a hassle to socialize. One of my ex-Bishops said that — that with all that we have to do as LDS people socializing is an inconvenience. Yet feeling part of a community for its own sake is at the heart of what makes a Church thrive in my view. I remember one of my home teaching families in a small community in middle Ontario, Canada. He said “The Church is no fun up here, it’s just hard”.
In fact, my wife and I were talking tonight and I postulated that perhaps part of my own problem is that I’m just tired of it all after 27 years. I’ve served in every position imaginable, and it’s all been done. And I find the sacrifices to be too great for me to do them enjoyable or desireable anymore, notwithstanding the atonement.
In fact, simply working on my character and serving others in ways that are meaningful to them — shouldn’t that be enough? Isn’t that what Christ wanted — your contrite heart? Are all these other things necessary?
I’ve loved the culture of some of my wards and branches, and I’ve not loved the culture of others. I’ve loved the culture of some other denominations’ meetings I’ve attended, but I don’t know enough about them through extended attendance to know if I actually love the “culture” or if I just loved the spirit I felt that week. I’ve also been totally put off my what I’ve felt in other denominations’ meetings – absolutely worse for me than anything I’ve experienved in my own LDS wards and branches.
Church culture is homan culture – and no human culture is perfect. People search every bit as much for a “culture” they can accept – and some emphasize culture over doctrine, while others value doctrine over culture. To each her own – but I really do think there are ways that emphasizing one over the other can be a great coping mechanism during times of struggle.
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