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I’m not talking about a class that one takes in the church block. However I’m viewing the class structure within the church community as to those who are in leadership positions versus those who are not. I had an interesting experience that I would like to share. We have been in this ward for over 20 years. I had the great privilege to baptize my 8 year old daughter on Saturday and I invited everyone in church to attend. We made arrangements over a year ago so that I could get off of work and not have any conflicts with my family (who are not members) and my wife’s family who live far away. I informed our home teachers and the bishopric of our plans back in April 2010. Now this is where the question arrises. We are not in the ward council and do not hold any presidencies or other higher level callings. I’m the primary pianist and my wife is a Primary teacher. My wife attended sacarament meeting two weeks prior to our planned baptism since I was away at work, and the bishop came up to her and stated that the date needed to change because they wanted the ward to go on a temple trip. She was absolutely devistated and started to cry right there on the stand before sacrament meeting. What was she to do…People and plans have been set in place for over a year. My schedule was locked in, family was coming in from all over and now they decided 3 weeks ago to have a ward temple trip and nothing was ever discussed as to the other event…My wife came home after church and tried to figure out a way. Well, the bishop called and said that we could have it, but our members would have to choose to go to the temple trip or to the baptism. We were okay with that and thought some would choose to stay since the temple is over 4 hours away. (Only 3 members of our church came and one who didn’t was asked to speak at the baptism and never mentioned it to us that she wouldn’t be there…) We invited everyone over to our house from the baptism, but none of our church members came. Only family and nonmember friends came. Today, we had a blessing on a baby boy from one of the bishopric members. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary, however after Church, I had invited some members over to our home since i had left over food, and they politely declined. Later on that evening we had a severe storm come through our small town and here our phone rang…The same bishopric members wife who was asked to give a talk at my daughters baptism had asked us to go to their home and clear their driveway so they could get into their house because they didn’t want to leave the party at the other bishopric’s home. I was stunned of the ask for help, but I got my family together to go over and even though I couldn’t get into the street (Down trees and power lines) I parked a block away and took my family through storm damaged trees and muddy fields to help…Only to realize that they weren’t around yet. I called and asked them if they were on their way, and they said they hadn’t left yet and wanted me to asses the damage and let their dog out. I hung up and did what was asked, but I didn’t like it…My wife and family left to go check on others. I feel that we are here to serve them and not the other way around. It’s really disheartening to not be taken seriously, stepped on, tossed aside and then only if I can be of assistance, I’ll call you. These same people ask about once per month to come raid our pantry because they didn’t or don’t want to go to the grocery store…I’m not sure what to do. The bishopric is very tight and buddy buddy. I’m not sure I can go to the bishop with this problem since they are so close. We were told in stake conference 2 years ago, never to talk to our stake president about these matters since he wants to solely devote his time to the youth of our church. Even my daughters are wondering why this is happening. my wife and I have served in higher callings, but I have never been even close to this level of abuse of power. So to my question, even though the class perceptions in the church are there – is there away to address this class behavior or do I just go to church and put in my time and be happy… Yeah, you got used. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with their church position as much as they are just not very nice people all around. Not showing up to give the talk was really, really rude. Maybe she had forgotten if you didn’t remind her shortly before. I’d probably be out of the food they want to borrow the next time they ask. But then be sure have them pick some up for you, too, since they’ll be at the story anyway! 
What observant said. Sounds like a personality problem more than a class problem. Some people just are users. Jackson – Yuck. I am sorry you got used. It stinks whenever it happens. It’s even harder in the church because we hear all the time about charity, ward family, etc. Then when it fails it really hurts. I’ve been in some stinking wards and some great wards. It really does come down to the people. The leadership included. My parents live in an exceptional ward. I love visiting it. My parents love being a part of it because it really has the light of Christ mentality. I’ve thought often they should write a book and teach others.
For the record though our family associates with evangelicals. We are part of a community with them. It has tons of volunteer hours, responsibility. It provides alot of good. It also has some stinking people who do stinking things to their own kind. Every one of them drives around with “Only God” bumper stickers. And constantly remind everyone to Matthew 18 each other. Then burn you at the stake.
In short what everyone said is true. It does happen where ever people exist. I wish you had been in my parents ward. They would have been there and provided the food – without request.
I’m pretty unfamiliar with the idea of a class or caste system at church. I know that things can be extra hard on people that don’t fit the mold (like single mom’s, divorced people, single adults over 30, gays, etc.), but from your description I do not think that is what you are facing. There can also be a sense of “class” when dealing with people who are related to GA’s, or descended from pioneers, from handcart pioneers, or even from the original Smith family. Sometimes there seems to be a distinction between men who have served a mission vs. men who did not. But all of these things put together don’t seem to explain what you experienced.
jackson53d wrote:I had the great privilege to baptize my 8 year old daughter on Saturday
I hope that years from now you and your daughter are able to look back on this and remember the bonding experience you had and also the love and support that was shown by family and some others, rather than have the memory clouded by the thoughtlessness of these (probably oblivious) individuals.
I’ve had people try to get me to do things for their own selfish reasons. I usually resort to a questioning strategy of some kind, or statements made by implication. Such as “well, I guess it’s a trade-off — keeping my promise to [insert family member here] or clearing your driveway, or your commitment to yorur party and clearing your driveway….tell you what, why don’t we do it together???? I might also mention — by the way, we covered for you at the baptism. When you weren’t there to speak, so and so did it for you so we were able to get through it successfully……let them squirm a bit.
Sounds like they just forgot, but I don’t have any problems with mentioning stuff like this to people when they make commitments, don’t keep them, and don’t call.
I’d start asserting myself if I was you. Kindly, without angst, but assert yourself nonetheless. There is a fine line between service and free labor.
Blecccch! This sounds really hard to deal with. I’d like to hear what you come up with.
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