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Post discussion here. We have two different threads discussing how to coach the new user “myclob.” I am combining them. I looked at his “debate” website. He seems not to be getting any attention there 
He is trying desperately to figure out what is true and what is not (serious stage 4 framework). He may not be quite cooked enough to come out of the oven yet. We may also be able to coach him a little and nudge him down the path. It will really depend on how he reacts to our moderating his posts I think.
On the topic of the posts specifically, they do
NOTkeep the spirit of our etiquette and rules. Specifically, the topics he posted are oriented towards a debate not a discussion. This violates our board rules, explicitly listed in our “Rules of Etiquette” Quote:Please do not start discussions that lead to a debate with the results of finding the one correct answer to a problem. Topics like this will probably be moderated.
I think this guy is sincere. But he is looking for a group to push against in order to test his “truth.” If we can coach him into a discussion mode, it might really help him, not just sorting out his personal truths but also pushing past this stage into some nuance.
An engineer should find at least one of us who can serve as a coach. I wonder who that might be. 
Seriously, I am the one who told him that I had moved his posts and opened a discussion among the moderators. I probably shouldn’t be a coach for him, even if I had an engineer’s mindset.
I locked and moved his intro post, after he blasted Brian for asking him for more info about himself – in a very attacking, dismissive way. He also responded extremely negatively to my PM explanation for why I moved his posts temporarily – chewing me out and saying all kinds of accusatory things. I responded with some more explanation and asked him to read our policies and rules section. I told him we just don’t do debate here, and that we would love to have him participate if he reworks his posts into conversation starters and not debate starters. I told him that whether he stays or not is up to him, and that I really want everyone to find a place that fits them well.
He wants to do things his own way and lashes out at anyone who offers constructive criticsm or disagrees. I don’t want him here if he doesn’t moderate his tone – and if he yells at everyone who makes suggestions to him. I won’t ban him until we talk about it more and/or he responds to my latest PM, but he doesn’t appear to be ready for constructive discussion.
Wow … It’s a good thing my head isn’t screwed on right to begin with. It’s so much easier to reattach it when it gets bit off like that. 😆 OUCH!I guess I found one of his buttons to push — feelings and personal beliefs. I think polls and debates are his way of avoiding that. List the pros and cons, make a logical decision based on “evidence” and majority opinion, *poof* instant magical spell that takes away personal connection to the decision. I get a strong sense of needing to maintain control too.
Seriously, if he wasn’t turning out to be so hyper-defensive, he would probably create some great discussions.
I sent a nice email to him as a last attempt on my part to bridge the gap. It’s up to him really. Our rules are pretty clear. We do actually manage the content of our site. That is what it is.
Old-Timer wrote:An engineer should find at least one of us who can serve as a coach. I wonder who that might be.
I nominate Ray for the job!Actually, I read his response to Brian in his intro – scary!! 😯 😯 He obviously has serious security/self-esteem issues and has built an impenetrable fortress around himself such that any perceived offenses can just bound off. And everything is a perceived offense.
I think he could produce some good discussion, but certainly not at this stage of the game. Brian, let us know how it goes, if it’s even worth talking to him.
I am carrying on a back channel email conversation with him. It is going better. Here is his response to me reaching out. I think he is heavy into crisis, in both life and faith. ********************************
> The sewer backed up yesterday, and I took my wife and the two kids to the
> hospital the night before last. Work stinks, and I’m having testimony
> problems… I sort of resent the work I have to do in the church, because I
> don’t believe it very strongly, but I don’t dissbelieve strong enough to
> leave…
>
> So perhaps I was in a bad mood, and got upset when things didn’t work out…
>
Nice, Brian, thanks. If you want, feel free to mention that one of the mods is an engineer, and might share a similar mindset, but has worked through a lot of this. Let him know I’d be happy to talk with him and help out wherever I can. But he should also know that defensiveness won’t get him anywhere on this forum, and in life in general. Just let me know if you need help or want me to talk with him.
Here’s a nutty idea – and I do mean nutty. His posts are well thought out and crafted – what about inviting him to guest on MM with these same posts roughly as is? That site is not beholden to the same rules. I don’t even get the impression that he’s got an agenda other than debate. Debate fits well there. Yes?
Oh man, hawkgrrrl, you so nutty! I think I could possibly go for something like that (‘course I’d have to read the post first, given our rules there for guests).
It should show him that our responses here aren’t personal in any way. hawkgrrrl wrote:Here’s a nutty idea – and I do mean nutty. His posts are well thought out and crafted – what about inviting him to guest on MM with these same posts roughly as is?
BRILLIANT!!!!
I love that idea. I will email him. The style of his posts are actually very good for a blog like MM, IMO. The better posts, or at least the ones that draw in the most responses are the ones with mildly heated debates and drama.
I sent him an email proposing the idea.
Let us know – I think he would be awesome!
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