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Hi– I am new here. I have mixed feelings about lurking, joining, and posting here. In real life, I am a very sociable & empathetic person. I have made good friends in my life & have enjoyed warm, close, reciprocal relationships. For me, Joining an Internet group, comprised entirely of strangers, most of whom (including myself) don’t/can’t even disclose real names feels a bit like a grand social failure. But, I feel like I have exhausted all of my “typical avenues” of real-life support & friendship. I have lost friends/family relationships as a result of my “faith transition”… And I have finally come to the conclusion that I can’t afford to or want to lose any more. So….here I am in the DAMU (someone please set me straight if I am using that acronym incorrectly…I’m a newbie 
I started doing historical “research” in the 1990’s– well before The DAMU or Bloggernacle even existed. The availability of records, journals, documents, etc. has expanded tremendously since my first minor doubt or concern ever took root. But, here I am– still trying to make it work. Most days, I am not sure why I even try. But, in reality, I know that it is because I am afraid of losing both my family (mostly TBM DH) as well as losing the only church/cultural heritage that I’ve ever really known. I guess you could say that my stopover here is probably no more than one more desperate attempt to keep my head above water. But, it is what it is. Anyway– that’s my story!
The DAMU (DisAffected Mormon Underground – pronounced “damn you”) existed in the 90s, on listserv mailing lists and usenet (alt.religion.mormon, soc.religion.mormon) Except that StayLDS tries to not be disaffected, nor is it really “underground”. Our goal is to find a way of staying LDS amidst disaffection…to find one’s “middle way”.
Welcome.
Welcome to StayLDS – not the DAMU. (Like wayfarer, I just need to make that distinction crystal clear.) 
I hope we can help you “stay LDS” but do so in your own way – a way that will help bring you peace and joy and personal fulfillment.
I’m a proud member of both the DAMU and staylds…the whole Seinfeld “worlds colliding” concept does happen from time to time. Welcome.
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Absolutely, cwald – but being part of both doesn’t mean one is part of the other. I know you know that, but we have to make it clear to new participants and those who read but never comment.
Now, let’s get back to welcoming and let this threadjack end.
🙂 wayfarer wrote:The DAMU (DisAffected Mormon Underground – pronounced “damn you”) existed in the 90s, on listserv mailing lists and usenet (alt.religion.mormon, soc.religion.mormon)
Except that StayLDS tries to not be disaffected, nor is it really “underground”. Our goal is to find a way of staying LDS amidst disaffection…
OK — thanks for clarifying. I didn’t mean to call this site something that it isn’t & don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea about its purpose or mission.
I do have one more question, though: If the participants here aren’t considered “disaffected”, what would you call it? (BTW, I don’t really like the term “disaffected”, but I don’t have a better one at the moment). I guess I settle for “disaffected” because I have lost some affection for the church (history, doctrine, culture, policies, and procedures) over the years so dis-affected kind of seems to fit for me. (Maybe I’m in the wrong place???)
CM, you’re in the right place. I’ve never been a big fan of the labels we place on ourselves. I don’t like being labeled “disaffected,” or a non-traditional believer, or a gringo, or ISTJ, or anything, really. I had this conversation with a good mate who no longer believes in the Church (or even in God, for that matter) – what should I call him? An atheist? An agnostic? A secular humanist? A godless heathen? (That was my attempt at comedy with him, and we got a good laugh out of it, but it’s not really too handy as a handle). Finally, I just settled on his name.
Welcome! Good to have you here. ConcernedMember wrote:If the participants here aren’t considered “disaffected”, what would you call it?
Maybe: In the “wrestle”, or learning to see in a new light, hyper growth mode, chewing the fruit of knowledge, challenged… ??
I think most of us here still have a great deal of “affection” for some aspect of the LDS Church and Mormonism, often the people we love who are more traditional and orthodox than we are; thus, we aren’t DIS-affected. The level of our affection, and the areas where we have that affection, vary widely – but all of us want to “stay LDS” in some way. even if that “way” also varies widely. We talk of a middle way, but not in the same way as others do on some other sites. We aren’t part of “THE Middle Way” (as if there is one way that is right for everyone); rather, we are looking for our own individual “way” to make things work and to find peace and joy and community. We are talking about finding our own faith and owning that personal faith – and doing it, generally, within the basic framework of the LDS Church and, in my own case, what I call “pure Mormonism”.
In other words, we are focused on walking our own individual path within the “world” of Mormonism and the LDS Church. We tend to be explorers who move in and out of the community, physically and/or mentally – often not comfortable with everything in town, but living either outside of town and visiting occasionally or living inside town and doing moving in and out regularly. The LDS Church is our home base, but we aren’t confined within regular fortress walls. etc., etc., etc. Pick whatever image works for you.
ConcernedMember wrote:In real life, I am a very sociable & empathetic person. I have made good friends in my life & have enjoyed warm, close, reciprocal relationships. For me, Joining an Internet group, comprised entirely of strangers, most of whom (including myself) don’t/can’t even disclose real names feels a bit like a grand social failure.
Hi, ConcernedMember – I have some of these thoughts, too. I think you’ll find a balance. Seems like folks here want to be connected to their “real life” people. We’re not escaping into anonymity to separate from spouses, family and friends. I’ve wondered how stayLDS-ers would get along in an actual ward. We would have differences of opinion and style; we might annoy and offend each other. You know, real life! Realizing that helps me get along better in my ward. But I don’t feel the least bit guilty or sheepish about being here. I hope you like it!
I call myself a progressive Mormon or open minded Mormon or sometimes a struggling Mormon but the labels don’t mean too much to me. I am a truth seeker first. I think you can find some peace and comfort here and we like it when others voice their views, so please do so when moved upon. There are a bunch of good people here and you will not be judged for your believes and feelings as long as you are respectful. ConcernedMember wrote:One question, though: If the participants here aren’t considered “disaffected”, what would you call it? (BTW, I don’t really like the term “disaffected”, but I don’t have a better one at the moment). I guess I settle for “disaffected” because I have lost some affection for the church (history, doctrine, culture, policies, and procedures) over the years so dis-affected kind of seems to fit for me. (Maybe I’m in the wrong place???)
Disaffection is the beginning of enlightenment, a necessary part of the trial of our faith through which we hope to pass. I am no longer “disaffected”, but we all have our days.I have a preference to say that we are on one of many “Middle Way” paths, but in the end, I would simply be preferred to be called and authentic “Mormon” or “LDS” in the fullest sense of the word.
ConcernedMember wrote:If the participants here aren’t considered “disaffected”, what would you call it?
Actually, I think most of us have come to the realization that labels are inadequate, because as you will find, there are many different views shared on this site.
I am not sure what I would call myself. At times I am fully engaged in my calling at church, at times I don’t feel I believe much of it. So my middle way is just trying to accept what I believe in my heart, while navigating it with others around me to keep my relationships. Most of the time I find it is how I process things internally, and that allows me to let the church be what it is, and focus internally on what I should be learning.
I think there is a liberal tone here on the site…open and accepting to multiple views. At least that is what we hope to maintain… a safe place people can express views in a way that meets the website’s mission and adhere to the code of conduct. And as we share with each other our experiences, it can help identify some things that seem to work for some of us.
I think we can learn from your views and experience. Please keep sharing. I look forward to learning from you. Welcome!
I thought it was the “Disaffected Mormon Underbelly.” That soft and vulnerable part that the church should really address properly rather than ignore. But I agree stayLDS is not the DAMU.
I’m not a disaffected Mormon. I’m just me. I’m a person making my merry little way along the path to godliness.
Mormonism is one of the modes of transport along that path that I find useful. But Mormonism is not the path.
And I’ll probably say all that again in a few days. I tend to repeat myself.
In terms of labels, I might say “heterodox Mormon.” But I’d get a funny look if I said that at church. Or “a traveller on the path to godliness.”
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