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We Must Confess Our Sins
Confessing our sins is very important. The Lord has commanded us to confess our sins. Confession relieves a heavy burden from the sinner. The Lord has promised, “I, the Lord, forgive sins, and am merciful unto those who confess their sins with humble hearts” (D&C 61:2).
We must confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins, such as adultery, fornication, and robbery, which might affect our standing in the Church, to the proper priesthood authority. If we have sinned against another person, we should confess to the person we have injured. Some less serious sins involve no one but ourselves and the Lord. These may be confessed privately to the Lord.
I have read this same basic teaching principle in the Miracle of Forgiveness and in the Bishop Handbook (though most haven’t read this). In fact in the Miracle of Forgiveness it’s pretty rough to read. It is taught very guilt driven. This has been a struggle for me my whole life. I have struggled with the idea of confessing to the Bishop or another person as I feel Christ is the only one that can forgive us. Yet, when I don’t talk to the Bishop I feel a void. I realize part of it is the way I was raised. Today I felt undecided why I felt it necessary to talk to my Bishop. I found that I actually needed to see him because of more then just a confession. It was about my journey. What are your thoughts and feeling about this teaching? Is it doctrinal? Is it advice? Is it the church trying to control or protect the saints? Is this necessary? Why? I know growing up I wanted a list of when to talk to the Bishop. Now I’m not so sure. Though the principal of repentance is necessary.
This is a really challenging issue for me. Mandatory confession for certain sins (especially of a sexual nature) and regular interviews are still my biggest barriers to giving the Mormon community my heart and soul. Having said that, I do believe that confession of a more general nature is healthy. Being willing to openly acknowledge and name your sin — facing the music and saying, “I really failed here,” even in public (when appropriate) — opens you up to God. It’s a sign of spiritual strength, integrity, humility, even emotional stability.
Unfortunately, I fear that the pressure in our community to put your “best face forward” often has the opposite effect. It drives sin underground, because acknowledging, confessing, and facing can have such severe social repercussions. In my experience, confession has been a humiliating, gut-wrenching experience…a punishment for my wrong-doing…as opposed to the liberating, freeing acceptance of grace and forgiveness that I imagine it is intended to be.
I echo your questions and am anxious to hear feedback on this topic, as it’s such an important question for me. Thanks for posting it.
I used to tell the bishop everything, but not anymore. I learned that God was the first one to forgive me, and it was over a year after I forgave myself that the church finally restored me to full fellowship. I don’t want to give anyone a license to avoid the bishop, especially if you are feeling those wrenching feelings of guilt deep down in your gut. But I will say that repentance brings peace back. Unfortunately, the LDS church is imperfect, and often punishes the penitent when they come seeking redemption. It seems to me that God had already forgiven me before I ever talked to the bishop in the first place. And Christ was punished for all my sins long before that, so punishment was unnecessary. But it took a few months for me to forgive myself. The church, on the other hand, wouldn’t get over my grievous transgression for another year beyond that.
I take a lot of lessons from Romans 14. I study that chapter over and over again. It really is all about sinners and judgement, and those who serve the Lord in their weakness. I can’t tell anyone what they can and can’t do. Only the Holy Ghost can do that for you. And just because I am able to live a certain way and keep the Holy Ghost with me doesn’t mean that I can tell others they can do likewise. The same goes for others. Just because my neighbor goes out to dinner as a family every Sunday after Church, doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to do the same, but it doesn’t mean I can’t do the same either. God directs each of us individually in our own lives. And for me to say what is and is not right for anyone else besides myself would be against the law of God. So I won’t be bringing Coke or Pepsi to the ward Summer Barbecue, because I don’t want to offend those who don’t believe in caffeine. But I am not going to chew out the Elder’s Quorum President for bringing some “leaded” beverages to the party either.
If your conscience is bothering you, then do what is necessary to get peace back in your life. But don’t go rushing to Temple Square because you are sure that a blessing from Thomas S. Monson will fix everything that ails you. Start small and work your way up from there. Confess in prayer, apologize to offended parties, make restitution, and so on until that peace comes back. And once it comes back, stop! Don’t beat the devil out of your sins. Just walk away from your sins as soon as the peace comes back. After all, isn’t the peace the thing we are all striving to find in our lives? I wish all Bishops could help us find peace, but unfortunately that isn’t the case. Some see their calling as a position of judgement and not of service. That whole “common judge in Israel” thing goes straight to their heads.
Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where all of us could live genuine lives without worrying about putting our best face forward? We could all accept each other in our differences and rejoice in our diversity rather than cramming ourselves into a mold we were never meant to fit in.
Gospel according to Gail: I believe that the bishop is there for you when you feel you need to talk to someone to work though your repentance and or guilt. I also believe that Temple recommend interviews, tithing settlement, etc. are your opportunity to be accountable to yourself, by speaking it out loud to someone else. It is accountable to you because specific questions are written and it is between us and the lord if we feel worthy. Am I honest in all my dealings? Well I drove 70 in a 55 today. It is between me and God whether I say yes or no. Do I live the word of wisdom? I absolutely gorged myself on Thanksgiving and I drank Coke on New Years Eve again between me and God whether I say yes or no. These are all details that I would only share with my bishop if I was struggling to make the decision on my own. Or if I need help because these activities were getting in the way of my life and the bishop is who I wanted help from. Or if I just could not get over the guilt on my own when I drank the Coke. Or if I believe that my behavior may get in the way of performing a particular calling. At one point when I was in the Elders Quorum presidency I was the councilor in charge of the teaching I was going to protest on prop 8 and really did not believe in the Proclamation, I went to the bishop and explained why I may not be the best person for this job any more based on my beliefs and activities.
Just wanted to say that talking about feelings is healthy. Taking ownership and responsibility for all of your actions has some great pyschological benefits as well as spiritual, as well as keeping you sane. How you personally feel about sharing your innermost thoughts and actions with someone in leadership is entirely up to you. If a person is confessing out of a “checklist” mentality maybe they should think things through and wait for a real reason, even guilt, fear, and a need for advice are real reasons.
If you feel absolutely horrible about something you should take action, fix yourself, fix others you have hurt etc. But only when you understand your feelings and seek to make the situation as a whole better, not just for yourself but for those around you that you effect and even if you think you owe it to your God. – There is no harm in it.
Currently I feel somewhat down on myself for the things that I don’t do far more than anything I have done inappropriately. Does it seem silly to confess for talents gone unused? I think it does when asked in that way .. but flip it around to wanting advice and taking ownership for shortcomings and it looks like a step in the direction towards positive change …. just like repentence.
I hardly know my bishop. Confessing to him about my journey would be awkward.. I’d rather talk to my DH or my journal (my mind), personally anyway. Then again I also assume that his testimony will do nothing for me-if that is what will be the basis of my advice, it might not be but for some strange reason I assume that an interview or conversation with my bishop will simply be a waste. Thats just me.
Gail wrote:Gospel according to Gail:
I believe that the bishop is there for you when you feel you need to talk to someone to work though your repentance and or guilt. I also believe that Temple recommend interviews, tithing settlement, etc. are your opportunity to be accountable to yourself, by speaking it out loud to someone else.
I like Gail’s gospel.
and the gospel according to LaLa…
LaLaLove wrote:Just wanted to say that talking about feelings is healthy. Taking ownership and responsibility for all of your actions has some great pyschological benefits as well as spiritual, as well as keeping you sane.
I think it is for our benefit mostly, a chance to purge and get some feedback from a leader on things to watch out for or things to do to keep moving in the right direction of changing one’s heart.I think AA uses this idea of sharing your ideas with a person you trust as well. They say that thinking of changing has marginal results, writing down things you want to change has better results, and telling someone you want to change has even better results…because someone else can help when you need it.
I also think the bishop is considered a Judge in Israel, and so the church relies on judges to determine the seriousness of the sin and if any action needs to happen. The Bishop also is the one approving/extending callings, and worthiness for some callings should be considered.
Fantastic advice, really loved what LaLa said. and, I agree with Heber. A cornerstone of the twelve-step process in addiction recovery is being able to “check in” with your group or sponsor or whoever. It’s important to all of our emotional health to be open and honest and own our actions. We must live with this. If we are truly trying to do things the right way, it shouldn’t be hard to admit our slip-ups to anyone, because we’re being that honest with ourselves.
Confession is critical. “The Miracle of Forgiveness” is fine for hardcore addcits who need to be smacked around to recognize the seriousness of their situations. However, most members simply shouldn’t read it. I’m too tired to try to find the quote right now, but President Kimball’s son tells that his father expressed regret later in life over how many of the members reacted to the book – that he wished he could go back and re-write some things to make it less harsh to the average member.
I think that highlights just how brutally difficult it is to write something as an apostle and ensure that it doesn’t get misunderstood and/or misapplied by many – and why our current apostles tend to be less strident than their earlier counterparts. It’s a shame that President Kimball is remembered more by many now as the author of a harsh book on repentance (actually a book on repentance that has some harsh parts, since the entire book isn’t harsh in any way) – especially since he was one of the most gentle and loving leaders in many ways I’ve ever known.
I love that man, but I never read that book – and I never recommend it to the average member.
My issue is “What is Sin” In Mormodom so many things are a sin. Some are big some are little. Lots of things especially for the youth are worthy of a trip to the Bishop. My personal belief is we have way to much anxiety over this issue. So many things are sin simply because someone said it was. For me I have broken sin down into two components. If I injure or cause pain to someone else it is a sin. If I cause unnecessary pain to myself it is a sin. Since I only have those two things to think about I can avoid sin much easier thus eliminating the need to ever visit the bishop. Cadence wrote:For me I have broken sin down into two components. If I injure or cause pain to someone else it is a sin. If I cause unnecessary pain to myself it is a sin.
Pain is an interesting way to define it. I haven’t considered viewing it that way before.I guess bottom line, if that works for you, Cadence, then great. I think the idea of repentance is purging sin so your heart changes and you move closer to goodness. Confessing to a bishop is only one way that helps that process.
Heber13 wrote:Cadence wrote:Confessing to a bishop is only one way that helps that process.
If that is what works for you or anyone else that is great. For others going to a Bishop can be more damaging than dealing with it personally.
You are right, Cadence, but that has to be an individual choice. We can’t throw out the baby with the bathwater, imo – although I agree totally that too many members get caught up in the Catholic concept of confessing everything to an ecclesiastical leader. That actually is NOT the official position of the LDS Church; confession to a Bishop actually is supposed to be limited to a fairly small number of things. In one way I wish there was more explicit direction regarding this, but I also don’t want an exhaustive, Law of Moses-like list of confession things and non-confession things. I like leaving it up the individual members, with a few major exceptions.
Old-Timer wrote:You are right, Cadence, but that has to be an individual choice. We can’t throw out the baby with the bathwater, imo – although I agree totally that too many members get caught up in the Catholic concept of confessing everything to an ecclesiastical leader. That actually is NOT the official position of the LDS Church; confession to a Bishop actually is supposed to be limited to a fairly small number of things.
In one way I wish there was more explicit direction regarding this, but I also don’t want an exhaustive, Law of Moses-like list of confession things and non-confession things. I like leaving it up the individual members, with a few major exceptions.
Yes I agree that the teaching is that only “big sins” need to go to the Bishop. But I can not help but remember when I went on a mission many years ago and was in the mission home (before the MTC existed) we were grilled often and with unrelenting threats that if we did not confess everything we were doomed. I was so scared I was confessing every minor infraction of any thing I could think of that was remotely bad. later in life I realized how damaging that was to a 19 year old who had done nothing wrong. They had thrown me in with all the bad apples, I guess assuming we were all bad to some degree. It was jut plain wrong. I guess since then I have become suspect of church leaders trying to pry perceived sins out of the members.
Quote:But I can not help but remember when I went on a mission many years ago and was in the mission home (before the MTC existed) we were grilled often and with unrelenting threats that if we did not confess everything we were doomed.
That was wrong – plain and simple. It certainly wasn’t my experience – in either the MTC or the mission field. I know it happens with individual leaders, since they have personalities and individual upbringings, but it’s not the way it should be.
As in other comments, cadence, I believe you need to separate your experiences from not just “the ideal” but also from “the norm”. What you describe happens too often, but it is neither the ideal nor the norm, imo.
Recognizing that doesn’t lesson the “suckiness” factor at all – but it can help as you move forward.
Old-Timer wrote:Quote:But I can not help but remember when I went on a mission many years ago and was in the mission home (before the MTC existed) we were grilled often and with unrelenting threats that if we did not confess everything we were doomed.
That was wrong – plain and simple. It certainly wasn’t my experience – in either the MTC or the mission field. I know it happens with individual leaders, since they have personalities and individual upbringings, but it’s not the way it should be.
As in other comments, cadence, I believe you need to separate your experiences from not just “the ideal” but also from “the norm”. What you describe happens too often, but it is neither the ideal nor the norm, imo.
Recognizing that doesn’t lesson the “suckiness” factor at all – but it can help as you move forward.
Perhaps I do not have a true perspective. I have never done anything in my life that warranted a trip to the Bishop. Perhaps others have and there is some healing that goes along with confessing that I have3 never had to experience.
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