Confession

[Anonymous]

Please help me to understand the purpose of confessing to a bishop.

(not just the Gospel Principles manual answers, I know them.)

[Anonymous]

This is something I find very difficult to put into words. It is a juxtiposition of inner spirituality, communal spirituality, and institutional order. It is baring the soul, and receiving love. The opportunity to do so in a manner different from gossip. Hard to describe.

HiJolly

[Anonymous]

I just finished reading a book that may shed some light. Real Love by Greg Baer, M.D.

In that book, most of us lack unconditional love in our lives because our parents lacked unconditional love in their lives. And so we use behaviors that protect us from pain and get us imitation love (substitutes). If we knew intrinsically that we are unconditionally loved, we wouldn’t have to resort to those behaviors. So what does that have to do with confession? Well, Dr. Baer’s plan he’s selling for getting that unconditional love is to have the faith to tell others the truth about ourselves–the darkest, deepest truth. For example, I was practicing that when I told you all I abused my daughter 20 days ago. As you tell the truth about yourself, some (not all) of your acquaintances will have the capacity to love you anyway. Seeing that love will increase your knowledge and reality of unconditional love. Once you have told your deepest, most embarrassing secrets and have been still accepted, you no longer can think, “But if they really knew how I am, they would reject me.” And you begin a new kind of openness and honesty of life.

So I think confessing to a bishop is a symbol, practice, or testimony of the importance of letting others see who we really are. At least, that’s one value.

[Anonymous]

I don’t personally find it useful, unless I was in violation of something that would lead to institutional discipline. That doesn’t mean it can’t be useful to others, as in how Tom described it.

If you can benefit, use the resource of confessing to someone (a Bishop). If not, I think it is fair and honest to let the Church know when you are so far out of line that they, as an organization, may need to distance themselves from us (disfellowship or excommunication).

[Anonymous]

So would informal probation be considered institutional discipline or just a “spiritual health” plan

[Anonymous]

The best explanation I ever heard was that a bishop can help if you have gone far enough off track that you might not be able to see the way back on your own. Personally, I think it’s getting a “second opinion” on your situation. My guess is that it’s more common that someone who confesses just needs validation that they are in fact OK (due to excessive guilt and worrying over their worthiness). But for those who have done something pretty serious like adultery, a bishop is there to help you figure out how to put the pieces back together for not only yourself but the others you have hurt.

The downside to confession is that it is a total crapshoot. Each bishop is totally different in approach. So I’d be thoughtful about entering such a situation.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

So would informal probation be considered institutional discipline or just a “spiritual health” plan?

I’d characterize it as a request for a sincere, good-faith effort. It’s as “lenient” as it gets in the Church and basically is a pat on the back and a, “Keep trying, brother! Don’t hide this.”

[Anonymous]

I’m deeply conflicted on this particular issue because I think confession is extremely powerful. If you’ve ever been in an AA meeting, the level of openness and honesty is almost shocking. No, it IS shocking.

But it is such an important part of recovery. And, like Tom said, it is key to giving and receiving unconditional love.

However, I don’t feel, at least from personal experience, that this is why the church requests confession (as do most religions). In my past it has been used as an opportunity to coerce behavior and emotionally abuse. I’m sure this is not the intention of anyone but it does get back to the TR questions a little.

So…. I think confession can be one of the best things and could be used in a very harmful way. Tough one.

[Anonymous]

Why do we have confession in the church?

Well, the old saying “confession is good for the soul” comes to mind. There is a need for confession with any act of repentance. Sometimes that means we confess to the Lord in prayer. Other times we may have to confess to someone that we have….killed their cat or driven our golf cart into their garage. And then there are these times when the Lord has a trusted priesthood holder intercede. I think this person is to act on behalf of the Lord. There is something about confessing in the safety of ones closet and something else about being required to confess in front of a living breathing person who not only knows the truth but provides some needed accountability.

Having been in a situation where someone I loved needed some accountability, I find the practice very important even with all of the inherent flaws that sometimes accompany the process. Whenever we sin, there is a need for mercy and understanding…. but there is also this thing called justice that cries until it is satisfied. I think formal confession at least helps in this process because it provides a go to person….someone that we have to answer to even if that person is a servant of the real one we all answer to. Make sense?

And I think the goals of confession really are theraputic. I really like Tom Haws comments on the Real love book he read. I think he is on the right track. I also think that when we sin seriously, our natural man self is winning on a least one front and sometimes doesn’t allow us to see the truth of things. Much easier to hide or justify the truth in the safe confines of our memories. It is harder to do when one is being asked direct questions and required to tell the facts in honesty and thoroughness. I think there is also something about the “pride” of sin and the needed “humility” that confession brings — something that Lord requires before he gives his blessings. And there is something healing about truth. I think in this way it really does set us free.

Sometimes priesthood leaders blow it. I have witnessed this first hand and the process didn’t work as it was suppose to. But I think that if the person is sincere then the confession itself will be counted as righteousness by the Lord. In the end, we are responsible for our own repentance and sometimes we have to deal with other imperfect humans to accomplish it as we keep our eye on the Atonement. But I think over all the process is a loving one and is tremendously healing if the person in question does humble themselves.

I have seen the benefits of confession in other theraputic settings and I think it is a good thing. Uncomfortable, but good. If indeed the setting is a trust filled one.

Quote:

So would informal probation be considered institutional discipline or just a “spiritual health” plan?

I think it is the bishops way of saying ” Here is your chance to fix things before I have to intervene and help you do it.” Kinda like my kids….Can they stop fighting, or do I have to help them stop fighting. I think probation is a good word. No blessings are taken away yet.

[Anonymous]

hawkgrrrl wrote:

My guess is that it’s more common that someone who confesses just needs validation that they are in fact OK (due to excessive guilt and worrying over their worthiness).

This was me when I was a TBM.

hawkgrrrl wrote:

The downside to confession is that it is a total crapshoot. Each bishop is totally different in approach. So I’d be thoughtful about entering such a situation.

This is what I was going to say. And add to this that bishops are often called for their leadership skills, not for their abilities as social workers.

My honest opinion on the matter is that from an organizational standpoint we feel obliged to confess because that’s what we’re told to do. From a spiritual standpoint, I am probably not the best person to ask on it. I have had really good bishops in my life, who have been very helpful and understanding. I have actually had a fair amount of spiritual progress take place after spending time with the bishop (even if for just a temple recommend interview). I think, more than likely, it is just because of the anticipation, and the gravity I gave to the situations when I was a TBM that helped me. A lot of the benefit, as has been said, comes from just having to talk about it openly and honestly with another individual. I suspect we might get a similar benefit by confiding in a social worker or something. Of course a social worker is even better equipped to help us in our situations.

[Author]

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