Conflicted

[Anonymous]

Welcome — I could agree with so much of what you said, particularly under point number 1 regarding burnout.

Welcome to the LDS Burnout club! I am president! (Just kidding, no such club).

I am like you in that respect. Don’t get much out of church anymore. I plan trips away with my family on the weekends now and then –and I make sure we return after Church is over so we get a break from it.

I don’t find it hard to get a substitute. You might want to just decide to build a bank of potential substitutes and then plan a couple or three Sunday’s away over a two month period. That is a focus on the family…and the family blossoms. Well worth the effort expended.

Another alternative is to ask for a release, but keep doing your visiting teaching. Get involved in another cause that is worthy, but no church-related.

At one time I was really frustrated that I would ask for a release and then they would take four months for the leaders to effect the release. A few months ago, I just covered my teaching lessons for 3 weeks and then told them I was going to be away for a while after that…and started attending a different Ward. it gives them a reasonable time to find someone, but keeps you in control.

I would not feel guilty about not serving actively in the church.

Look up Elder Wirthin’s “Concern for the One” talk and he says as a church we should be kind to “the people who are tired”. I think that describes you and I and justifies a period of self-renewal. Even Christ left his ministry and went into the wilderness to contemplate and strengthen himself. So time away is not all that bad. You don’t hear them teach it over the pulpit lest they start a landslide.

Also, I have thrown myself into a community organization now. It’s service, but of a different kind. VEry refreshing because there are new rules, new culture, new goals, and a measurable impact. There is a manual as I learn my new responsibilities, by laws which represent a very minimal set of guidelines, and room for all kinds of new experiences and ideas. I don’t feel burned out at all when I am working in that organization.

Anyway, good luck, and don’t feel guilty — you need to look after your own spirit and self-renewal. no one will do it for you — take charge and do what is best for you.

One caution — I would avoid the threads on history etcetera if that is not an issue for you right now. Focus on your self-renewal. Although I like StayLDS, I found that it did hurt my faith a bit when I started reading all the history threads. I would not add another set of concerns in the mix if it is not an issue for you.

Focus on getting renewed again. Look forward to the day when you wake up really excited about the service you will give that week — and it doesn’t have to be in the Church to meaningful and important to God and yourself. But do it after you renew and live your life on a new approach to life and service and decide what YOU really want to do.

[Anonymous]

Conflicted,

Your story seems so sad to me. Here is a woman who since the time she was 12 has served and loved so many people and yet has felt so much guilt.

I want to take a second to express my thoughts on perfectionsism, as I am recovering from that as well. I often wonder if being perfect in the next life will occur more because the desire to do wrong inside us will cease to exist as a condition of the after life, rather than on condition of us becoming perfect prior to death. If this is the case, then the best we can do now is our best. Sometimes our best on the outside changes because of inner challenges. Sometimes the best we can do looks like failure to other people. Sometimes the best we can do is HOPE to do better while we continue to roll around in the muck, so to speak.

You have every right to say I can’t hold a calling right now. Perhaps you need some more time to sort out your feelings. When/if you decide to hold callings may I suggest some things that have helped me last year? I told the RS President that I could only do one thing a week for the ward. It was either the calling, feeding Elders, or service, not all of the above. Setting boundaries might help you enjoy church more and sets a good example to kids about knowing your limits as a person. I also decided I couldn’t count on other people to recognize what I noticed as wrong. I started cutting things out of my callings that I felt were not important (the fluff). I would tell whoever was over me that I didn’t feel it was vital and they would need to find someone else to do it if they felt it was important. Perhaps that is another way of making callings work for you when/if you feel OK about holding one?

Concerning the WoW… While I don’t drink coffee or soda, I find it hard to “stomach” that Diet Coke is any better for somebody than coffee, and research seems to back it up. This is very confusing for me as well and is part of my faith crisis. I can see how alchohol can and does get out of control for some people so I understand the logic behind asking members to not partake of that. The rules are meant to help the whole because undoubtedly someone can’t handle alchohol responsibly like you are. I wouldn’t beat youself up over this right now, just focus on surviving. Remember, most non members do exactly as you are and are wonderful human beings!

Best of luck with everything. I look forward to hearing how things go for you and most importantly hope you can find peace and happiness in your life.

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