Connecting at Church

[amateurparent]

I thought I would move this to a new topic and see where it goes.

amateurparent wrote:

Quote:

Lots of people have a tough time being at church. Talk about THAT.

Years ago, I handed out 3×5 cards in RS and asked everyone to write down why they came to church. I wanted honest answers. Then I read them to the group. Only one card said “for the lessons”. Every other card was for the companionship. To see my friends. To meet people who share my beliefs. To be surrounded by others who care. Etc. Every person — except one — showed up to interact with people.

People are starving for social acceptance. They don’t find it in our media. They hope to find it at church. Too often, they leave feeling beat up.

Heber 13 wrote:

Quote:

I’m super interested in this topic right now, AP.

Why does the church work for some and why does it not for some?

If they don’t feel people share their beliefs, or they feel no connection…is there any reason to be there? (Not a rhetorical question…I’m interested in what people think about what there is for us if we feel we don’t fit in with what we hear being said at church?)

I think too many varied opinions are kept silent…and so…people only think what is said out loud is what everyone else must be thinking…and are a bit surprised when a piccolo makes it’s sound amid the orchestra (to refer to that orchestra analogy again). Should the piccolos join in, or just stay quiet longer? What makes it worth it to try to find social acceptance? How many times would they be accepted if they just tried…instead of assuming they don’t fit in based on internal assumptions?

[Anonymous]

I think there are a lot of reasons some like and others don’t…

Personality — there are people who thrive in environments where there are a lot of rules and it’s clear what you must do in order to have acceptance or belong. These people may have a higher chance of thriving than people who have a lot of ideas, think outside the box, and don’t accept that authority figures have all the answers.

Personal Growth — there is a trait called Growth Need Strength. I have it, and there came a point when I didn’t feel I could grow any more in the church. I had to find other ways to grow in my service time.

Availability of Friends — one reason I don’t like Ward socials is that the people in my ward just sit there like bumps on logs when I try to talk to them. I like challenging conversation, or at least to learn something from the person I’m talking to. Even when there is no “availability” of that kind of conersation — when I try to draw people out, even with every day things or items I feel might be in their frame of reference, and they don’t really engage with the conversation, I wonder why I am at the social.

So, yes, no people you feel you can have a meaningful relationship? That hurts commitment.

[Anonymous]

This is a challenge. I have not fully overcome it. We can become a one note place so quickly. I have seen people come back to church after long absences and they forget what the adjustment was like. Often times they disappoint me the most because I want them to remember and tread courteously, but it seems they are back with even more zeal than before.

I also have thought of being more friendly, but I don’t want it to lead to the idea that I want a bolder position in the ward. I have a calling I like and I don’t have to bump into awkward lessons to teach or leadership expectations. So I keep my connections minimal. This makes me part of the problem, not the solution.

[Anonymous]

I go because my kids like to see their friends and as a homeschooling family, we look for ways for our kids to connect with others.

Me? I wouldn’t go to this new ward if I were on my own. The lessons lack real substance. The questions asked and the answers given remind me of primary. One RS teacher in particular drives me batty. She skips the manual and talks about her and her family and her problems and her solutions and her insights and her…. :crazy:

So…I guess we go for companionship as well.

*Sometimes I go to check out the outfit of our plastic sister…the one who gets a new cosmetic procedure done every few weeks. :shh:

I USED to go because I loved to sing with the congregation, but honestly – with a baby on my lap for the last who knows how many years, church is not a place I go to be spiritually fed. I’m busy feeding another little human during church hours. :thumbup:

[Author]

Posts