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Beefster wrote:
I don’t exactly want to send the wrong message about my commitment to the gospel.
Unfortunately, if I were attending a singles ward this would be a concern for me. Following cultural norms (or not) can send signals to eligible marriage partners. It can be tricky.
I could always cover it up with an “oops I forgot my tie”, but I guess that would be a pretty obvious lie. (or I’d be subconscious of it) I
amoutside of Utah and I would definitely prefer a black sheep over a white sheep… Then again, I need friends, so it might not be worth the risk. I bet a lot of girls would assume you had a worthiness problem. I dunno if this was true in other wards, but when I was a YM, some of the guys would signal their unworthiness with a non-white shirt so that they could avoid the awkwardness of saying no when asked to pass the sacrament. At the time, I just assumed it was because they were stubborn about not wanting to pass the sacrament or lazy about picking a white shirt, but looking back, I can tell they were trying to avoid embarrassment.
I agree Beefster that some YM are doing as you say. I have witnessed it. In the older days when a white shirt was more “mandatory” (remember I lived through the 80s version of the church) those boys would try to get away with it by not wearing a tie. That didn’t work with the bishops in my ward though – they kept extra ties in the sacrament room (sometimes ugly on purpose – that’ll teach that kid to come without a tie! 😡 ).In my current ward wearing a colored shirt doesn’t work, if that’s what they’re trying to do. Almost every week there is at least one man or boy in a non-white shirt, often more than one (although our current YMP does push the white shirt thing). The only way our boys get away with it is to come in shorts and a tee shirt, and not all of them have moms who will allow that. Another trick seems to be making the family late to church.
That said, I don’t think we can assume that all boys wearing colored shirts or no tie are doing so because they feel they are not worthy, some are just a bit rebellious or, like SD, wear what’s clean (no offense intended SD) or like Beefster and just forgot a tie.
I have also taken note in our high council meetings, which are held on a weeknight. It appears that most of us wear whatever we wore to work unless that isn’t at least business casual (a couple of us are laborers). That means that while some are in white shirts because they wore it to work or changed, others are in colored shirts – including members of the presidency sometimes (I have never seen the SP in any color other than white though). No one has ever said anything to any of us. I might add that there is also some facial hair in the group and again nothing has ever been said.
Of course we can’t assume that what you’re wearing reflects worthiness. Just pointing out what I’ve seen happen and the negative associations that exist. Your thoughts betray you young Padawan. That’s just it – most, especially the more Pharisaical and judgemental among us, assume exactly that a young man (and in some wards any man) not wearing a white shirt is somehow unworthy or at the very least somehow less than fully faithful. As pointed out in the blue shirt thread, we need to stop making those kinds of assumptions. I don’t make those assumptions- at least not consciously. I guess that’s something I have to work on. I have a lot of lingering judgmental tendencies from my black-and-white upbringing. I’ve overcome some of them… But I still struggle.
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