Considering a new Recommend

[Anonymous]

It’s been about 5 years since I had a temple recommend. It’s been even longer since i’ve gone to one … and I actually don’t have any problems with the ideas surrounding LDS temples and temple ceremonies. I wasn’t personally all that wierded out the first few times like a lot of people are. I get that, but I just wasn’t all that stressed out about it at the time.

I really value the symbols and metaphors presented in the temple, but I guess my non-literal view of the whole thing at the same time doesn’t make me feel anxious and fearful if I don’t have a current recommend. I accepted the covenants. I still accept them. They are very nice ideals. Why would I not want to be a righteous person and help build the kingdom of God on earth? *shrug* I am just sort of thinking out loud. Not everyone sees it the same as me.

George, if walking through the forest or taking a stroll on the beach is also your temple, where you feel holiness, I couldn’t be happier for you. The whole world can be a “temple” if we have eyes to make life holy. If you are “called” by God to fight for human rights, go with it. You should embrace holiness wherever the Spirit leads you.

[Anonymous]

Valoel, that is an honest approach. You just sit out at weddings and new endowment significant family moments?

[Anonymous]

Tom Haws wrote:

Valoel, that is an honest approach. You just sit out at weddings and new endowment significant family moments?

So far, yup. I missed being actually in the room for one brother’s wedding so far. Another brother got married recently, but his wife isn’t a member, and he hasn’t been active for years.

I haven’t decided what I will do yet if any of my kids get married in the temple. My oldest is 18 and not really dating seriously, so it isn’t an issue yet. I could go get a recommend, I guess, if I really wanted one.

I am unorthodox enough right now that I take seriously the earthly “legalistic” aspects into consideration. The standards I would be judged against are lower if I do not maintain a current recommend. PLEASE NOTE: I do not personally feel the pressure of judgment. I am totally at peace with where I am at. I am not so idealistic though as to totally ignore the practical realities of who *might* be put into a position to judge me administratively within the Church. That’s too random and unpredictable for my tastes. So a small part of me takes solace in reducing that exposure.

[Anonymous]

Valoel wrote:

My oldest is 18 and not really dating seriously, so it isn’t an issue yet.

Valoel, In many ways I feel the same as you. I haven’t been to the temple in about a year, but don’t hate it or feel I’m avoiding it, just don’t feel a need to go either.

I have thought I’d keep my temple recommend current (don’t see why not), and mostly want to make sure that when my oldest daughter gets married (she’s 16 now so a ways to go) I can be there.

If things do change quickly for your daughter and she wants to be married in the temple, you’d want a recommend for that, wouldn’t you? Is there a risk of you not keeping it current now, just in case? You think it would be easy enough to get if you needed one, or are there waiting periods? Hope that doesn’t sound judgmental…I’m really just interested because it seems like I think similarly about it as you do and wonder if my choice to keep it current matters.

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

I have thought I’d keep my temple recommend current (don’t see why not), and mostly want to make sure that when my oldest daughter gets married (she’s 16 now so a ways to go) I can be there.

I think your situation is more ideal. Keeping a recommend current is good. Stick with it. I just haven’t had the motivation.

Heber13 wrote:

If things do change quickly for your daughter and she wants to be married in the temple, you’d want a recommend for that, wouldn’t you? Is there a risk of you not keeping it current now, just in case? You think it would be easy enough to get if you needed one, or are there waiting periods?

My oldest is 18, a son. My next oldest is a daughter who is 16. I don’t know about waiting periods. I think some BP’s and SP’s might at times work with a period of “repentence” or something like that, effectively a waiting period. That is probably more hit and miss depending on the leader and the person expressing angst over something that might seem unresolved to them. There isn’t a hard and fast rule about that I am aware of. I doubt I would fall into that kind of paradigm because I don’t particularly feel like I need some punishment or penance. I’m content with my situation and my relationship to God.

I’ve had the bishop and one his counsellors both on separate occasions recently push for me to get my recommend renewed. I don’t think it would be a big issue.

I think for this one aspect of the Church, I might really suffer from a stage 5 ambivalence about it all, that detachment and lack of motivation. I like the ideas of the temple personally. I just don’t feel angst enough to motivate me to jump through the hoops. I think I would even be totally at peace with missing the 5 min ceremony portion in the temple if one of my children got married there. I would be present and with them the whole rest of their special day. Most of their relatives and friends would be with me, at this point. I’ve been married almost 20 years now. The wedding day is just a blur … a snap of the finger in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

I missed my first temple wedding (grandson) this past month. I was fine with it. I sat in the waiting room with his best man, etc., non-members from his hockey team. I don’t think anyone noticed or cared. Grandfather’s tend to be in the background as it were. My vision is that one day the Angel Moroni will be quietly taken down from its perch and the holy temple will become a place of meditation, reflection, prayer and study. Weddings of course, attended by all invited loved ones, members and non-members, Jew and Gentile….. Shalom.

[Anonymous]

George wrote:

the holy temple will become a place of meditation, reflection, prayer and study. Weddings of course, attended by all invited loved ones, members and non-members, Jew and Gentile….. Shalom.

A similar thought has crossed my mind too, more than once. That is actually how I used the temple for several years. I would go in to do an endowment session or something at the DC temple. When it was done, I would quietly sneak off to one of the other floors where there was little traffic. There is a little waiting area outside the Solemn Assembly room. I used to sit there for an hour or more and just meditate and pray. It was very peaceful and spiritual for me. I really felt removed from the world, and like I was in a special holy place.

[Anonymous]

Valoel wrote:

Tom Haws wrote:

Valoel, that is an honest approach. You just sit out at weddings and new endowment significant family moments?

So far, yup. I missed being actually in the room for one brother’s wedding so far. Another brother got married recently, but his wife isn’t a member, and he hasn’t been active for years.

I haven’t decided what I will do yet if any of my kids get married in the temple. My oldest is 18 and not really dating seriously, so it isn’t an issue yet. I could go get a recommend, I guess, if I really wanted one.

I am unorthodox enough right now that I take seriously the earthly “legalistic” aspects into consideration. The standards I would be judged against are lower if I do not maintain a current recommend. PLEASE NOTE: I do not personally feel the pressure of judgment. I am totally at peace with where I am at. I am not so idealistic though as to totally ignore the practical realities of who *might* be put into a position to judge me administratively within the Church. That’s too random and unpredictable for my tastes. So a small part of me takes solace in reducing that exposure.

I too am in this camp. I have been as recently as in the last 6 months, but it was a bit weird for me then. I was sort of in the middle of my disaffection and was very unclear about everything.

The temple is an awkward thing for me. I’m a bit with George that I’ve never actually really liked it much. In fact, I’m ashamed to say, I get a bit bored during the endowment. Sealings are meaningless for me because the sealer inevitably says the prayer so fast, and non-chalantly that I feel like it’s some sort of formality we’re going through. I think it unlikely we do these things literally for the dead, hence the actual ordinance is the thing that’s important for us. Yet it is trivialized, like it’s something to just get through. Same goes for baptisms.

Having said all this, I’m struggling a bit with my brother’s wedding. It’s coming up August 12 and I’m not sure what to do. I haven’t paid tithing in about 4 months or so, but the amount I’ve paid this year so far is 10% of something. I mean I’ve definitely paid in enough to cover the benefits I receive from church. My recommend is still valid, but I’m certainly no literal believer. I haven’t planned on renewing it when it expires in November, mostly because of the tithing issue. I’m willing to pay some sort of tithing as I interpret it, but I’m not sure what that is yet.

Any ideas? Should I go or not?

[Anonymous]

Yes. According to the actual rules of the actual church-wide system, you are able to attend. Go. If you don’t, you are letting “extra” stipulations keep you from participating in that wedding – and that would be a shame.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Yes. According to the actual rules of the actual church-wide system, you are able to attend. Go. If you don’t, you are letting “extra” stipulations keep you from participating in that wedding – and that would be a shame.

Thanks Ray! I appreciate this. I think I will attend.

[Author]

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