- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Sorry for this dramatic subject line. I’m writing from a hospital bed where I’m being held for observation. I only gained my full state of mind/normal view of the world a couple hours ago. I post this here because I had once posed the question about how you would all feel if you were near death — about your status before the Church and God since many of us are unorthodox and perhaps not even held in approval by traditional believers.
Last night I woke up in what felt like a severe and prolonged heart attack. Ended up in an emergency ward after some treatment and significant pain. Doctors are suspecting heart issues. …that is irrelevant other than to provide context.
While I was in the throes of the experience, I realized that what I was experiencing could well be my last bit of time on earth, or at least, the beginning of my earthly probation coming to an end….and I honestly looked at myself, my orientation toward the church etcetera. After I stablizied, I started asking myself how would I feel if I started moving toward a bright light? Was I full of horror? Was I nervous?
I felt at peace. At peace that things would work out and that God has a way of reconciling this complex world with your frailties. That my issues with the church and my orientation and ways of thinking would not necessarily doom me forever as some might predict. Also, a sense of acceptance of myself, my weaknesses, and the life long weaknesses I’ve found difficult to
change. And a sense that the journey would continue after this life. And a bit of excitement about what lay ahead, which would have to answer some of life’s unverifiable questions.
It wasn’t long before I stopped thinking about it and focused on solving the problems as they came up.
I just wanted to share this as I think part of learning to stay lds is being at peace with your own frailities and disconnects with the church, and having faith that God is fair and just.
I still don’t know exactly what happened to me yet last night as a large battery of tests are in order, but I feel fine now phsyically although sore all over and fatigued. I’m not writing for any reason here other than to share what my impulses/native thoughts were as I faced what I felt might have been a fatal experience at the time.
Whether it was, or not, is incidental — that fact that I really believed it was, and was able to experience my native reactions is what mattered, and the focus of what I wanted to share here. I think my definition of State 5 in my signature line has even deeper meaning to me now.
SD, thank you for letting us know. I know too that all of us on this site wish you well. About a year ago, I had routine surgery with minor complications. It made me reflect on my life too.
I believe I came to the same conclusion that you did.
I like what you said:
Quote:I think part of learning to stay lds is being at peace with your own frailities and disconnects with the church, and having faith that God is fair and just.
I couldn’t agree with you more.
Keep in touch. We want to hear more from you when you’re able.
Mike from Milton.
wow. hope you get better. I do know that feeling…and yes, I think regardless of what happens beyond if anything, peace should be part of the moment.
cheers!
SD ~ First, my house will be praying for you and your family. Second, this…
Quote:I felt at peace. At peace that things would work out and that God has a way of reconciling this complex world with your frailties. That my issues with the church and my orientation and ways of thinking would not necessarily doom me forever as some might predict. Also, a sense of acceptance of myself, my weaknesses, and the life long weaknesses I’ve found difficult to change. And a sense that the journey would continue after this life. And a bit of excitement about what lay ahead, which would have to answer some of life’s unverifiable questions.
…moves me. I felt this five years ago as I stood on a foreboding precipice looking into the darkness of an unknown path. It freed me in ways I can’t even explain. I hope you have many years ahead to live with this beautiful sense of wholeness and healing.
Peace brother, peace. In this life, and perhaps in the next. Sent from my SCH-I500 using Tapatalk 2
So glad you are feeling peaceful. That feeling will see you through. Was in a similar situation not that long ago myself. I wasn’t happy to read about the cause of this post, friend, but I was happy to read your thoughts in it. I sometimes think of Joseph’s statement shortly before he died that his conscience was free of offense toward God and man. I know he offended people regularly, but I believe he was sincere in that statement. That used to puzzle me – greatly. What I have come to believe is that each of us only can answer to our own understanding of ourselves – to our effort to live the best we understand – to be whatever we believe we are supposed to be.
I know I also have offended people at times – sometimes here within this forum. I’ve done things that I believe “should” be offensive to God, but I’ve come to believe that they probably aren’t – that he might look down and sigh as he watches me muddle through my life, but that he also understands I’m doing the best I can do. I have come to believe he appreciates that, and I am grateful for the peace that belief brings me as I also try to accept my own weakness and understand that I am worthy specifically because he has deemed me to be so. That perspective gives me peace, so I accept it and keep on keepin’ on.
My prayers will be with you. As I like to quote, “May there be a road” – and may the peace you feel now remain with you on that road.
SilentDawning wrote:I felt at peace.
What more could you hope for?Sorry to hear about your health issues. Nothing like a health scare to help you set your priorities in order. I’ll be thinking about you.
Hi SD. I am new here but wanted to wish you well and pray for a warm recovery with the peace and love with Christ be with you. As much as we think we “know” the church is true sometimes, we really do not know. We believe in whole or in part. I came to a situation like this I my life quite early at age 16. I should have been dead according to the doctors. They were baffled. I searched I my heart,mind and spirit. After much confusion, some anger, I felt at peace with god and Christ. I felt the spirit I unexplainable ways. Anyways I am thankful you are doing better and have felt the peace in your heart. That is so important in coming to a understanding of things as they are dispassionately but with warmth and peace. We all must find a way to do our best and be at peace with what ever that is.
Quote:I felt at peace. At peace that things would work out and that God has a way of reconciling this complex world with your frailties
I admire that, I strive to it and think I have obtained it sometimes.
I also admire how you found good in a situation that must have been very frightening and could easily have been totally negative.
I’m sorry to hear about your scare and hope you are feeling better now and that everything will turn out alright. Thanks for sharing this experience; coming to terms with the idea that your days are numbered can definitely be a positive thing for people if it motivates them to not take life for granted and try to make the most of the time they have left whatever that means to them. Personally I try not to think about death too much anymore; I could die in a car crash tomorrow or I could die 50 years from now but either way I don’t have any major regrets that I can really do anything to change at this point. I like how you said you felt at peace and not terrified by the idea of death because for me that’s basically what I would aim for as part of making the most out of my time left and to me part of that would simply mean feeling like nothing is too urgent and there wasn’t something important left undone.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.