Convince me not to “Come Clean”

[Anonymous]

Thanks. What I am thinking about after all these comments is possibly going a bit slower.

One issue I felt was nudging me to just “get it over with” was my expectation that if I try to do it slowly I will still end up having that same conversation coming down to “I don’t believe”. But just like I overloaded a bit when coming out to my wife, maybe it would help if the ward leadership had some time to process me backing out a bit even if eventually I get that call of “the bishop would like to talk with you” at a later time.

Still thinking and I have not made up my mind.

Thanks a ton for all the feedback.

[Anonymous]

LookingHard wrote:

Thanks. What I am thinking about after all these comments is possibly going a bit slower.

One issue I felt was nudging me to just “get it over with” was my expectation that if I try to do it slowly I will still end up having that same conversation coming down to “I don’t believe”. But just like I overloaded a bit when coming out to my wife, maybe it would help if the ward leadership had some time to process me backing out a bit even if eventually I get that call of “the bishop would like to talk with you” at a later time.

Still thinking and I have not made up my mind.

You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into this and your decision is not a hasty one. But I do see a lot of value in coming out slowly to your ward as well. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ask to be released. Even Elder Ballard seemed to hint in his talk at the last conference that some of us need to take a break sometimes. (Just stay on the boat!)

Elder Ballard wrote:

It is a natural and normal thing to occasionally pause on the path to catch our breath, to recalculate our bearings, and to reconsider our pace. Not everyone needs to pause on the path, but there is nothing wrong with doing so when your circumstances require. In fact, it can be a positive thing for those who take full advantage of the opportunity to refresh themselves with the living water of the gospel of Christ.

You’re still planning on attending Sacrament Meeting with your wife, so it’s not like you will be going totally inactive. The great thing about “taking a break” is that you decide what that means and when (or if) you are ever ready to accept a calling or become more involved in the future.

Another thing that may help you is to bear an uncorrelated testimony in testimony meeting from time to time. Testify of the things you truly believe and have hope for, and don’t hesitate to throw in a thing or two that you struggle with. The testimonies that I love to hear the most are the ones that are “real” and expose doubts and imperfections and real, heartfelt feelings. I’ve always hesitated to bear my testimony in Sacrament Meeting because I didn’t feel like I could testify of things that I don’t “know.” I have a completely different concept of what a testimony is now, and I’m just trying to talk myself into getting the guts to stand up and bear my honest “testimony.”

Above all, do what you feel is best for you. Good luck and let us know how it all shakes out!

[Anonymous]

I read all of the comments here on your post LH and feel for your decision. It sounds like you’ve been not only mulling it over but a lot of what outcomes will be regardless of which approach you take. Sorry I’m late to the game again on this one.

The only thing I would say which has already been said is to come out to family fiest. I know my kids have had their own struggles and they know I’ve had mine, but if any of this is new news to them, I would want to know how it will affect them and how I might ease into it. We’re all on our own faith journey, it’s important to me to know where everyone’s at on the road as we walk. Especially those closest to me. Hope any of this helps and I like your idea of going about it slow and in stages etc.

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