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I was first introduced to Courtney and Rachelle through the following time out for women blog: https://www.tofw.com/blogs/pure-love-healed-our-family It is a wonderful story of how pure love and compassion largely overcame the heartache and division in an LDS family that was caused by Courtney’s SSM to her girlfriend Rachelle.
Like any true story the characters are not static, they continue to live their lives. A fairly recent interview with Courtney and Rachelle can be found here or here:
http://www.mormonlight.org/2017/08/20/same-sex-marriage/ http://www.ldsdaily.com/personal-lds-blog/splitting-sky-courtney-rachelle/ Courtney felt a desire to return to the church. Courtney and Rachelle started meeting with the missionaries. They decided the message was true and they got a divorce so that Rachelle could be baptized. (they gave every indication that their marriage and lives were happy together)
This is where I am very much conflicted about this turn of events. What happens now? Are they not as lesbian as they thought they were? Will they pursue relationships with men or will they just consign themselves to a lifetime of celibacy and intimate isolation? They still have a long life to live, what will it look like? Courtney made the following statement, “We don’t know what our lives will look like in 20 years, we don’t – But we have the faith that our heavenly father’s plan for us is better than our own. The ideas that we had for our life were so great, and we gave that up because we know that our heavenly father’s plan is better… its better than what we had in mind.” To which Rachelle chimed in, “He’s promised it over and over and over again.”
Thoughts?
That is a wonderful story. They seem like a lovely couple. As for what happens after, they believed so strongly in the Church, they were willing to put their marriage on the alter of God. I think one of the biggest commandments people struggle with, is “Thou shalt have no other gods before me”. We don’t usually worship idols anymore, but what we do woship can be even more dangerous; patriotism, parenthood, romantic love, etc. They chose to set God before their marriage, and before their romantic feelings for one another. I know plenty of people will be outraged, “How could the Church make them do that?!” But what stands out to be is, THEY believed it is what God wanted, and they were willing to follow Him at any cost. I feel that is to be commended.
I don’t know what is going to happen, but I feel very hopeful for the both of them. As for what will happen, God only knows. I hope they will remain close friends. God bless you, Courtney and Rachelle.
dande48 wrote:I know plenty of people will be outraged, “How could the Church make them do that?!”
Except for the fact that the church didn’t make them do anything. They chose that path independently. Yes, it was as a result of our standards, but what does that matter.That’s a really cool story. I think they come off more orthodox than they really are because it’s a church video.
According to the dictates of your own conscience.
While I respect and honor the agency of Courtney and Rachelle, I simultaneously worry that their situation will be used as a measuring rod for other homosexual couples. “See? THEY did it; THEY had sufficient faith; it IS possible. YOU just need to figure out how to get there, and THEN you’ll be better.”
The only marriages that are asked to be put on the “alter of God” are same-sex ones. Literally every other person is guaranteed to have support in their marriage, regardless of church membership or activity. Giving up romantic love, as well as emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental intimacy with someone that you’re biologically attracted to is only asked of people who are homosexual. I’m not sure us straighties understand what a huge burden they’re being asked to handle – alone, I might add. There is little support for singles in the church, especially in any real way in regards to remaining single for the long-term and definitely past certain ages. Those who are heterosexual have the privilege of knowing that even if they did find someone outside the church they wanted to marry that their ward and church would support them. Homosexuals have no such promise or support, and actually have the opposite to contend with.
Of course the church didn’t “make” them do anything. The church doesn’t “make” us pay tithing, it doesn’t “make” us marry members, it doesn’t “make” us participate in service activities. However, there is a huge cultural mindset and aspect that, if ignored, gets you metaphorically (sometimes literally) kicked out of the ward/tribe, especially if people knew that you ignored it. Like I said above, it’s a gigantic burden to ask people to go through life either celibate and alone or with someone you’re not attracted to (and have to work most days to find the physical/sexual appeal of), and disregarding it simply as their choice so that they can be held up as an example for other SSM couples to measure up to while not even considering the implications of said burden is unempathetic at best.
I honor their choice – for themselves. It is a wonderful story of faith and love. I worry about their choice – for others who will be pressured to follow suit. It is a terrible story of abandonment, if misapplied.
I don’t like their choice as a universal approach. It is not a suitable result for so many.
I absolutely fear for others, based on how this story will be used by many straight members who don’t understand LGBTQ people and their issues.
I pray for them – that whatever they do moving forward will be best for them.
I agree Ray. This is why I describe my reaction as conflicted. One the positive – 1) It seems that after many years of disapproval (both tacit and explicit) the family was really coming around to embrace the couple. 2) Their description of the missionaries and the wards loving reaction was nothing short of amazing. 3) It appears that the divorce was a mutual decision. That is so much better than one person feeling the “call of God” and the other feeling abandoned.
My biggest immediate fear is “What next?” To my cynical ears it sounded like they were offering platitudes of “His plan is better than my own.” I imagine my child dropping out of college to become an itinerant minister and telling me “His plan is better than my own.” It would make me want to scream in frustration! I suppose God’s plan is perfect. The difficulty is trying to determine what exactly that plan is and what exactly is my part in it all.
If we were Catholic they could become nuns and at least fill their souls with lives of purpose, dedicated service, and sisterhood. I just do not see anything for them moving forward. I sincerely hope that I am proved wrong.
I am glad they are happy and that they feel they are making the right choice for themselves. But ultimately I think this story is a tragedy. A tragedy that a church can have such a backwards view on SSM that a happy couple feels that in order to please God they need to divorce. I hope and pray that in the future the church will change its stance on SSM so tragedies like this don’t need to happen. But I also worry that “success” stories like this will allow the church to further delay a very necessary and ultimately inevitable change. I sincerely hope the best for these two women. God bless them and give them lifetimes of happiness. The story does not give me warm fuzzies. We will need to follow them for 5 or 10 years or longer to see how it turns out. I also don’t see the story being well received by the LGBT community and I think if it’s broadly publicized it could backfire not among the church but in the public eye.
The first time I saw this article was in the context of a member using it as a weapon against gay marriage. It followed the fears mentioned here. The article was also accompanied by a rather unfortunate picture of one of them in tears, which steered my thoughts towards wondering whether they were tears of joy from sacrificing to be compliant with how they interpret god’s will or some indication that they were subconsciously unhappy with the decision. That was my first introduction to the story and it has colored how I view things. I’ll echo the sentiments of others in this thread, I want for them whatever makes them happiest. At the same time it’s bitter sweet because their story has an impact that extends to other same sex Mormon couples.
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